On the Road to Becoming a Family

When people ask how things are going, the answer really depends on what day they ask! We have had some really, really good days in the last week. We have also had some really, really hard days. I find my emotions to be all over the place at the moment. At times my heart is just singing and full of joy as I look at my boys. And at other times, I feel lost and overwhelmed and wonder how we are going to do this.

I know this is just all part of the process of becoming a family. We knew that bringing home Nathan when he was a bit older would be more challenging. The things that we are experiencing are normal and expected. But that doesn't make them any less hard.

He really is adjusting so well to life here, and I am so proud of him for the way he has bounced back already from such a huge change in his life. He is such a joy! He is showing already that he is beginning to bond with us, and it is so amazing to see how far he has come in just two weeks. We have had lots more smiles and giggles from him in the last few days, and the way he hugs so tight around my neck when I pick him up is pretty much the best thing ever.

I think the hardest part (for me) right now is that I am still not feeling well at all. I really would not suggest getting mono at the same time as bringing home a new 18-month-old!!! It has been very challenging, mentally and physically, for me to care for two little ones while feeling so sick. Brad has been amazing, but he had to go back to work two days ago. My sister has been helping me out every morning, and I don't know how I would have made it through the last few days without her. It is still hard, though, because in order to create a really secure bond with Nathan, Brad and I are the only ones caring for Nathan right now (as in holding him, feeding him, changing him etc.). We want him to know that we are the ones who will meet his needs; we are his Mommy and Daddy. So as much as people are helping us out, when it comes down to it I still have to take care of Nathan, and that has been hard.

Right now the boys are both napping in their bedroom. I am so thankful that Nathan will sleep in the crib during the day and that Matthew is napping well at the moment. Nighttime has been more difficult, and it seems that Nathan has a lot more anxiety in the night. Last night was rough as we were up for several hours with him. He is also getting 4 new teeth right now, which certainly doesn't help! I know that this will just be a process; it's just so hard that there is no manual, no real direction for how to handle this part of the adjustment, and we are just sort of making it up and trying to do our best. One day we will all sleep through the night in our own beds!!! It just might take a while.

I feel like we are definitely making progress, though. The other day at the store, I looked over at Brad pushing the two boys in the shopping cart, and I realized we really are a family. No matter what comes, no matter what challenges lie ahead, we will face it together and struggle through to the other side. The Lord brought us all together and we believe that He will not leave us now. I am so thankful for our little family and that Nathan is in our arms at last! We are very blessed.