So I Think I'll Just Start Writing

I've been away for a few days as our internet was out all weekend, and now that I'm back I'm not really sure what to write. So I think I'll just start typing and see what happens :)

It seems that the theme of my life right now is "Things Not Going How I Expect". I looked forward to the long weekend, we made plans with friends for Monday expecting Brad to be off, and I thought we'd have a good old time as a family. Sunday afternoon rolled around and storms blew through the area, and it wasn't long before Brad's phone started ringing. He works for a power company, and when the power is out because of downed trees, he gets to go into work. Obviously I understand this and it's part of his job, but lately it seems to be happening at the most frustrating of times. He ended up being at work overnight on Sunday, came home for a few hours to sleep on Monday, and then he was gone again last night. It's been pretty lonely around here, so I was thankful to spend part of the day with some dear friends. We went to a Memorial Day Parade, which was very hot but lots of fun. Matthew just loved the marching bands, especially the drums and the tuba players (he loves the tuba because Larry the Cucumber plays one on the intro song to Veggie Tales!).


I think Matthew is finally over his most recent sickness and I kind of feel like if he gets sick again anytime soon I am going to scream. None of the sicknesses he's had this winter have been anything serious but it has just been one thing after the other since February. Enough already! I was hoping to get a little sleep before Nathan comes but that hasn't been working out so well.

Speaking of Nathan...he is coming two weeks from today!

My eyes just got really big typing that.

I can't really describe how I'm feeling at the moment. It feels very surreal. His visa was issued on Friday so now all of his paperwork is done. He is ready to come home to us. When I called and got that news on Friday, I sobbed like a baby. You'd think they would be tears of happiness, but actually I felt so overwhelmingly sad that we were not going to be going to Korea. I would probably be getting my travel call to go and get him this week if we were able to travel. I know I need to let go of this, but I am really so disappointed about it.

I feel a bit guilty that this post is kind of a downer, but this week has just been difficult and that's the truth of it.

The blessing in all of these challenges is that God has been so near. The hard days give me an opportunity to see God more clearly and to teach Matthew what it means to trust in Him. Last night I felt desperate for Matthew to go to sleep. The night before he had been up no less than 6 times and was up for the day around 4am. I felt like I might lose it if I couldn't get some sleep. So I told Matthew we were going to pray and ask God to help him sleep. We did pray, and I prayed again before bed. When I woke up this morning I found out that God had heard the prayer of this frazzled mama and had helped us to get a full night's rest. It may sound like a small thing, but I am so thankful that God cares about even these kinds of details! He has been teaching me so much about depending on Him day by day, and I know He will continue to help us as we embark on this new adventure of having TWO LITTLE BOYS!

Overall, I guess I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff about to fall into the pit of overwhelmedness (that has to be a word, right?) at any given moment, but the Lord is ever faithful and is keeping me safe and at peace in knowing He is in control and He is taking care of me.

A Little Taste of How Giddy We Are Around Here

And no, I will not be revealing what I was doing to get him laughing like this. It is just too silly!

Ready For Some Good News? Drum Roll Please...

Our precious son, Nathan

is coming home!!!!

On Tuesday, June 14th

we will fly to Denver

to meet him

and bring him home!

Less than three weeks

until I hold my baby boy at last.

To say we are praising the Lord

for all He has done would be an

UNDERSTATEMENT!

He has answered prayers,

He has moved mountains,

He has shown Himself once again

to be faithful and loving and kind

and we just thank Him!

"I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart;

I will glorify Your name forever."

Psalm 86:12

Preparations

The days are flying by, with each day bringing us closer and closer to becoming a family of four. While Matthew and I are definitely enjoying these beautiful spring days, I have been busy busy busy getting everything ready for Nathan's arrival. Let me tell you, it is so much fun!

The boys' room is coming along, and today I finished some picture frames that are just waiting for the cute pictures I am going to take once Nathan is home!

We really don't know how sleep will go when Nathan comes home (or if it will go at all!) so we have put up the crib knowing that we may have to make adjustments if that isn't working well. His foster mother said he was a "very good sleeper" but of course being taken from everything he knows could definitely impact that. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

Here is Matthew's corner of the room:

And speaking of Matthew, of course the post isn't complete without a picture of my little guy (who isn't looking so little these days!).

Even more than preparing our house, we are preparing our hearts for Nathan's arrival. As we pray for him every night, I am so keenly aware of the loss he is about to face. It is hard to know that our joy comes out of so much loss. Nathan has lost his birthmother, and is soon to lose his foster mother, his culture, everything he knows and all that is familiar. While it is true that he is very young and will not remember this part of his life, these are still huge losses that will be part of him for all of his life. I pray so often for my precious child, that he will not be afraid, that he will very quickly feel safe and secure with us, that our family will be bonded together in a way that amazes even us.

The day is coming...

Monday Smiles

Happy Days Are Here Again!

We managed to survive what is now referred to as the "Worst Vacation Ever" and returned home three days early with hopes that life would miraculously improve. And guess what - it has!

We were able to get an appointment with Matthew's allergist for last Thursday, no small thing considering the next available was in August! He talked with us for about 45 minutes trying to figure out this mystery itching, and gave us several suggestions of things to change. We changed his lotion, got a new filter for the vacuum and did some major cleaning, and took a couple of things out of his diet. Within one day we started to see improvements! He has slept through the night for the last two nights, is taking less medication and is hardly itching at all! We are not sure what exactly has helped but we are so thankful to see him happy and healthy again!

Brad still had a couple of days off and we have just been loving our time together. We've been able to get the house back in order after our vacation, spend time outside enjoying the beautiful weather, and even went for our first bike ride yesterday!

Matthew was very excited about his new helmet :)

We rode for about 3 miles on a local trail, then stopped for a snack and short break. Matthew couldn't wait to get going again!

Today we have just been hanging around the house again, playing in the yard, getting things ready for Nathan (I should have news to share this week I believe!!!!!) and having a grand old time. I feel like all the other disappointments of the last few weeks are nothing now that I have my boy feeling better! God has been so good to us!

So It's Not Exactly What I'd Planned

If you'd asked me this morning, I would have told you that our vacation was a bit of a bust. We have spent most of the time in the condo because of the cold weather and an itchy baby who has needed to be in wet pajamas a lot over the last couple of days. Matthew was up again for several hours in the night throwing up. We are tired out!

But as I started this blog post, I looked over and smiled as I realized that maybe this is vacation is going just right. Brad is fast asleep on the floor in front of the fire, and Matthew is happily playing a game on my I-Pod. And it is silent in here!

It may not be going exactly how I'd planned, but it is good to be together. Brad and I have had fun laughing at how crazy life has been the last few weeks. He really is just my favorite person to be with. Matthew has done well despite feeling so icky, and we have managed a few short trips to explore the area.

We have taken some walks (bundled up of course!) and thrown rocks in the lake...apparently that is very exciting when you're two!

The condo is great and we've enjoyed hanging out, playing trains, watching movies and doing lots of puzzles.

One of Matthew's favorite things about the condo is that he can run in circles from the kitchen to the living room. He loves to play peek-a-boo and have us chase him around or jump out at him. The screams of delight are hilarious!

Last night we ventured outside in pajamas and boots to explore while Brad was cooking dinner on the grill. Matthew picked dandelions and climbed on the picnic table while Brad and I chatted and enjoyed the peace and quiet.
Sometimes I find it so hard to readjust my expectations. I'm finding it difficult to not be getting as much sleep as I'd like, and I wish the sun was shining, but really things are not so bad. We are together and that in itself is just wonderful :)

When It Rains, It Pours (And Then You Get Mold)

You know those times in your life when it just seems like lots of bad things are happening all at the same time?

This has been one of those months.

We've been struggling with Matthew's health issues again for almost 6 weeks. The itching that just won't stop is driving him (and me) crazy. His skin is totally clear and soft; it is not his eczema. It's like he's itchy from the inside. It keeps him from going to sleep, it wakes him up in the night and keeps us up for hours. We have been to the doctors numerous times, he's on three antihistamines and just finished another round of steroids, and last night we were up for 2 hours again with the itching. We're going to be back at the allergist soon, but truthfully I am just so worn out by this and I want my baby better.

On top of that, he has some fabulous stomach thing which has had him vomiting and having diarrhea every couple of days for the last two weeks. The poor boy needs a break.

Switching gears...the Korea trip. This part makes me so sad to even write about. A few weeks ago while trying to get things figured out for our trip to Korea, I spoke with the allergist who let me know that Matthew would need to be on a peanut-free flight due to his peanut allergy. Brad and I researched and talked at length, finally coming to the conclusion that taking him on a flight that is 14 hours long, even if it was peanut-free, could put him at risk of having a reaction because people could still bring peanuts on the plane. So that left us making a decision about traveling without him, or having Nathan escorted. We decided we would go without him and he would stay with my mom and sister. Obviously, this was not what we want, but we thought it was the best choice we could make.

And then...

Matthew continued to struggle with itchiness and getting sick. I started to wonder how I would leave him for a week if he was having such a hard time. We prayed and talked and didn't know the answer.

The more I prayed about Matthew's health, though, the more I started to think that we needed to check out things at our house to see if something there was making him sick. We have had a leak by our fireplace for a while and have wondered if there might be mold on the drywall around the fireplace. So Wednesday afternoon, Brad took off some of the drywall to investigate.

Sure enough, mold.

I packed up Matthew and headed to Brad's parents' house for the night, and then we came to my Mom and Dad's (where we are right now). Brad stayed behind to deal with the house stuff. We soon discovered that the roof and chimney need some major work.

Thankfully, we had some money saved. Unfortunately, the money was saved for our Korea trip.

It's been a difficult week full of difficult decisions. We feel strongly that we need to not go into debt for this stuff, so it seems that the only option we had was to use the money to fix the house and to have Nathan escorted instead. It is not what we want to do, and making that decision has caused some tears, but when it comes down to it that's just what we have to do.

Sometimes being an adult really stinks.

We are hopeful that fixing the mold problem will help Matthew's health, but he has still been itchy here at my parents' house so I am not sure that will be the case. I am beyond frustrated that we are not able to figure this all out.

And to top off the week, yesterday we found the owner of Little Dog and had to decide to give her back (we knew about them, but they didn't know we had her). It is good that we are able to bring them their dog back, but we are sad to say good-bye to our little friend. And it stinks that we had her fixed!

In the midst of all this, we see the blessings of God so clearly. Nathan is coming home soon - one way or another! We think June will be the month. Matthew is a joy to us and worth every sleepless night!!! We have wonderful parents who are always there for us and Matthew has been able to spend extra time with all of his grandparents :) We already had a vacation planned for next week, so Brad is coming here tonight and we're going to the beach!! Even though it wasn't how we planned to spend our savings, at least we have savings to take care of issues with the roof. And Brad just called and told me that he totally made the day of a single mother and her three kids by returning their beloved dog to them. God is good, all the time! Nothing has turned out how we hoped, but we see that our God is always with us, always faithful, and always providing for our needs.

We would really appreciate your prayers for Matthew as we try to figure out what is going on with him. It is so hard to see him unwell and we really just want to get him healthy.

Hopefully my next post will be full of happy vacation pictures :) I'm so ready to get away!

13.1 {It's Just a Really Long Way to Run}

On Friday night at 4am I was lying in bed wide awake, convinced that my half marathon was doomed. Matthew spent about 4 hours throwing up, Brad and I barely got any sleep, and I wondered how on earth I was going to run a half marathon in about 24 hours time.

On Saturday, my running partner Hayley called to tell me about a little oversight: she had forgotten to sign up for the race!!!! I actually laughed really hard because that is something I would do. Online registration was closed, so we decided to drive to our race location (about an hour away) so she could sign up in person. Her husband's family lives there so thankfully we had a free place to stay, plus we didn't have to get up so early for the race this morning.

5:45am rolled around, and we excitedly got ready. As we drove closer to the race location, we realized this was a big event. There were almost 5000 runners, plus all of their family/friends! It was by far the biggest race I've ever run.

I was nervous, but not too nervous. Truthfully I hadn't thought much about the race in the days leading up to it...Nathan on the brain :)

We stood in line for the bathroom for over 20 minutes and made it to the start line with just a minute to spare. I laughed when I saw this picture - the lady in the background looks like she is praying for help! I know I did a lot of that myself today :)

All of a sudden we were off - the huge crowd of 3000 marathon and half marathon runners surged forward, and it wasn't long before we were running at a pretty good pace. At this point, I was still smiling :)

The first six miles flew by. Our pace was right where we wanted it to be (around 11 minutes per mile), we were having fun, felt great, and I was still smiling.

I'm not sure what happened during mile 7, but suddenly I felt like I was in big trouble. I felt myself slowing down but I couldn't seem to do anything about it. I struggled through miles 7 and 8, and then at mile 9 a HUGE hill just about did me in. Hayley is a faster runner than me, but she was willing to stick with me for the race. As I started to slow down I knew I was holding her back a lot, so I told her to just go. It took me a few times of saying it to convince her, but eventually she took off and I was very glad. I didn't want to have to feel bad for keeping her from doing her best.

The last 4 miles were just plain awful. It felt like an eternity, like it would never end, like I was just crawling along. I started to wonder if I could even finish. My hopes of finishing in 2 1/2 hours went out the window. I found myself walking two different times, only for about 30 seconds each, but it was so hard to make myself start running again.

The course was absolutely beautiful, and the last few miles ran through a park. I thought to myself that it would be a nice place to run...just not today, and not for 13.1 miles :) Around mile 12 I told myself that although later on the pain would fade and I would feel like this was fun, I must always remember how awful it was and never do it again!

Mile 12 also brought another giant hill, and the blessing of many wonderful people screaming at me that I was strong and I looked good and I could do it. I think I might have shouted, "LIARS!" at them had I been able to speak :) Somehow I made it up without stopping, and finally I found myself with only one mile to go. I gave it everything I had and finished as strong as I could.

I could not believe it when I saw my time:

2:31:37

Yep, I missed my goal by a minute and a half! I really don't even care though, because I know without a doubt that I could not have done any more.

I was so proud of my friend Hayley for finishing in 2:22!

Overall, I'm just happy. I'm glad I did it, I'm proud of myself for sticking with the training even with many sleepless nights and a sick baby, I'm glad I could have the opportunity to accomplish something I never dreamed I could do, and it was a wonderful race.

Most of all, I'm glad it's over!!!!!

Highlights of the day:

My dear husband got up at 4:40am this morning, packed up Matthew, and drove an hour to cheer me on. He could have stayed home; I would have understood. But he knew how much this meant to me, and he came. Seeing them there, cheering me on...so wonderful.

I got to spend Mother's Day with my Mom! It has been so long since I've been able to spend this special day with her, and I was so grateful that she and my Dad were able to come to the race :) Matthew was very happy to have his Nana and Papa with him, too!

My Dad came not only to cheer me on, but also to run his first 5k with my sister, Joanna. I was so proud of both of them and I love that they are both hooked on running. I hope we can do some 5k races together this summer.

After the race was done, we hung out for a while, had some food and water, got massages (so great!) and took a few pictures before heading home.

I know that I could not have done this training or the race alone - I am so thankful Hayley was willing to join me for this adventure! The pain is already starting to fade, but I am still pretty much convinced that 10k is the longest distance for me :)

I am super about my medal, though :)

Wordless Wednesday {Time for a Snooze}

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Pure Joy

Opening the mailbox and seeing the package I have been anxiously awaiting has at long last arrived...

Catching my breath as the video starts and my boy, my growing boy, flashes onto the screen...

Hearing he is doing very well, is "a very good sleeper" and "an easygoing baby" and "very smart"...

Seeing his foster mother care for him, touch him lovingly, talk about him so knowingly...

Realizing that his hearing may in fact be better than we thought, and learning that he is speaking words...

Knowing that it really won't be long now until I have two little boys (who I think are going to be very close in size!)...

Yesterday was a day of pure joy, and today is more of the same! I cannot even tell you how many times I have watched that video. Nathan is so sweet, precious, calm, beautiful...I know it is just a little glimpse, but already I am in awe of how God is putting together our little family so perfectly. The tears fell as our social worker gave Nathan the little toys we had sent for him. The book that I held in my hands just a few weeks ago, now held by the sweetest little hands. He loved the stacking cups we sent, and he sat and was entertained by them for most of the video. I can't wait to discover more about his personality, to find out what makes him smile.

Nathan is 16 months old today...I am praying so hard that this will be the month. I am ready to meet my boy!