Random Thoughts

I've started a pile of stuff to pack for China!  It's overwhelming to even think about.

The boys will not be coming with us (food allergies...and let's be honest, I can't imagine the two of them on a plane with us for like 14 or more hours...).  So I will have to be away from them for two weeks :(  That will be hard.  But not as hard as taking them with us!

We will probably leave on a Thursday or Friday and I believe we arrive on Saturday or Sunday...then we meet Hannah on Monday!  We will have the rest of the time with her to tour around, do lots of paperwork, attend appointments, and get to know her before heading home.  I really can't wait!

These are busy days with two little ones and I know its only going to get busier.  I feel like we are settled into our new "normal" level of busyness and I wonder how the adjustment to three is going to be.  Some days I'm nervous; most of the time I am just so excited I could burst!

In the middle of busy times, we are enjoying some great family time.  The boys are at such fun ages.  I love a few moments to sit and snuggle my boys!

Am I the only parent who finds winter really tiring?  I sometimes feel like by the time we get everything ready to go, and everyone gets their shoes, hats, coats, and all the stuff that just has to go with us and finally make it into the van...I'm ready for a nap!  I can only imagine what it will be like loading up three...

I'm really glad that the boys are getting more independent these days.  They walk everywhere now (well, Nathan still enjoys being carried now and then but it's getting less and less), they can put on their own coats and hats and boots...so that helps at least.  Everywhere I go, I just keep thinking to myself, "Now, what will I do when I have Hannah, too?".  Not in a freaked out way (mostly), just in a practical I-wonder-how-this-will-work kind of way.  I'm sure of two things:

1.  We will figure it out and it will be fine.
2.  I will be very, very tired!

Thankfully, living with two little boys has helped me get pretty used to that feeling!

Come on, January...I can't wait to see what you have in store for us!

A Few Christmas Highlights

It was a Christmas to be remembered, that's for sure!  Unfortunately, they were not all of the "warm and fluffy" kind of memories...I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that the stomach flu went through our whole family starting on Christmas day, and the rest of the week has been more of the same.  The worst seems to have passed now and I am trying to remember some of my favorite "Christmas Season" memories in hopes that they'll block out the Christmas Day ones!

Favorites...

Spending lots of time with family...love this one of Nathan fast asleep on my Dad :)

We had a slumber party before heading to my parent's house for Christmas.  We watched a movie, had some popcorn, then slept on a giant bed in the living room.  After everyone slept so well I kind of wondered if we should make this permanent!

The boys were sent some money from my Grandparents and I was able to add on to a free set of Geo*Trax we had been given (it only had one train, which made for lots of fights).  We got several more trains and a ton of track for just $20!  I was so excited, the boys L-O-V-E this set and play with it all the time.  The funniest part is that I built them a huge track that took up most of the living room, but every time I looked over they were sitting super close together playing and crashing their trains.  Boys!

Our one and only Christmas craft with a friend.  I'm kind of lame like that!  

One of my favorite things this season - enjoying our fireplace!  This is our first year with a mantel and I so enjoyed the extra lights and more room to decorate.

We spent a lot of the month of December in our pajamas!  This is my favorite picture of my little guy...who isn't really so little anymore!  Love him so much.

We had a lovely time getting a Christmas tree earlier in the month.  The boys loved the wagon ride to pick out our tree!  It was so much fun to see them laughing and bouncing along.

It certainly wasn't the Christmas we were hoping for, but honestly I can't complain one bit - we are so blessed!  It was a wonderful month of remembering Christ's birth, thinking about how and why we celebrate Christmas, and being with our families.  And...our last one as a family of FOUR!!!

Be Still My Heart!

Matthew dressed up in his little suit ready to be part of the children's Christmas program at church for the very first time.  Love my handsome little man!

Getting Closer!

On Friday we found out some wonderful news - our I800 has been approved!

Now, I know that doesn't really mean much to most people :)  So I thought I'd share about the *few* remaining steps in our adoption process.  I hope I get it right - this part is confusing to me and totally different than Korean adoption.

Our I800 was basically an application to immigration here in the US asking them if we can adopt Hannah.  Now that this is approved, we are almost finished with the US side of paperwork!

Hopefully in the next few days, our approval will be mailed to the National Visa Center (NVC), where our info is entered into their system.  Within 1-3 days, NVC will email our file to the US Embassy in China.  I will be emailing NVC later this week to hopefully be emailed a copy of the letter that shows that this file has been sent to China.  Once I have this letter, I will email it to our agency...then we are done with paperwork!

Still with me?

Phew!

When our agency receives this letter, they will forward it to their in-China representative.  This person will take the letter, along with some other paperwork, and drop it off at the consulate in China.  This is called our "Article 5".  These can only be dropped off on certain days.  It will be processed and picked up again exactly 2 weeks later.  Once it is picked up, we begin our wait for TA (Travel Approval!).  Our agency says this can take 4-6 weeks, but I have seen it happen more quickly...so that's what we're praying for!

Taking all this into account, I think that we will be starting our wait for TA sometime around the beginning of the year.  From there, I really don't know much!  There is a holiday in China in February that closes down government offices for a few weeks, and we may have to wait a couple of extra weeks because of that...but truthfully, what is a couple of weeks when we have waited almost a YEAR!  It will be so wonderful to be able to book flights and hotels, to know when we're going, to start to prep the boys...oh boy, oh boy!  We will be in China for 2 weeks, so this is no small trip to be packing for!

Getting closer every day...

So Far to Find Him

When I think about my love for Nathan, one word always comes to mind:

Fierce.

My love for him is fierce.  

I feel like we fought for it, we fought to get where we are.  Our bond, it didn't come easy.  It wasn't all butterflies and rainbows.  It was really, really hard work - for both of us.  It took this little guy a long time to trust me (understandably), and I found it really hard to bond with a child who would not let me in.  Those early days, they were rough in a way I can't even describe.  

But now...oh, how he has my heart!

I lie in bed next to him as he falls asleep each night, and I gaze at his sweet face an inch away from mine, and we smile.  And it's like we have this little secret, cause we both know it was hard to get here, but now that we're here, it's amazing.  Our love is so deep, so strong, I know it is unbreakable.  There is nothing I wouldn't do for this little boy.  He amazes me every single day, and I thank God for all we have been through together because it is what made us US, you know?  

I remember one night, early on after Nathan came home, sitting in the bedroom in the rocking chair with him.  I held him, but he would not relax in my arms.  He looked away, holding his own bottle.  A song I'd recently heard by Casting Crowns that had touched my heart came rushing out of me...

Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight?

I have come so far to find you,

So far to find you.

Will you take my love and give up the fight,

I have come so far to find you,

So far to find you.

It was a moment I will never forget.  I sang it over and over again, and he looked at me while I sang and melted in my arms...it was a defining moment for me, a beginning to our journey.

I can't imagine my life without Nathan.  He is such a part of me and I am just so, so thankful for the blessing of being his mom.

This Waiting Game

I was doing so well!  I wasn't counting days, and honestly the weeks were flying by.  I thought of Hannah all the time, but didn't feel that "crazy feeling" that I have felt during both of the last adoptions.

Until we got our LOA, of course :)

Now, I have been just trying to hold it together.  Obsessively checking my China facebook group.  Learning every tiny little thing I can about the process.  Calling immigration at 8am...and 8:10am...and 8:40am....until they finally open at 9am, to find out about our I-800 application.

And still, we wait.

We are getting so close, but this last little bit seems torturous!  It's really hard and strange and frustrating not having any idea what these next couple of months will hold.  Will we meet our girl in January?  Or will we end up waiting until the end of February or even March because of Chinese New Year (which shuts down all the government offices where adoptions are processed)?  I feel like screaming, "I JUST WANT TO KNOW!"

You know what, though?  I secretly love it.  What a great adventure to be on!  The anticipation each day, wondering if we'll get some more great news, making lists and starting to think about packing for THE TRIP WHERE I WILL MEET MY DAUGHTER!  As hard as the waiting is, I kind of love it.

Praying that tomorrow is the day for our I800 approval...but if it isn't, that means that it will be the next day...or the day after that....

...and one of these days, it will be THE day, and my sweet baby will be in my arms forever!!!!

In Which Matthew Turns Four and His Mommy Chokes Back Tears All Weekend

It keeps on happening - he just keeps getting older and bigger, no matter what I say!  Today our sweet boy turned four.  It made me pretty emotional to realize how big he is getting and what a big year this will be for him.  Don't get me wrong - I love this age, but the days just seem to fly by more and more quickly and part of me wants to just freeze time and keep him little forever.

My favorite thing about his birthday this year was how much he enjoyed it!  He understood so much more this year and loved helping with the party preparations.

This was the third year that Matthew had a train cake :)  This kid seriously loves trains.  I think this might be my favorite one so far.  He loved helping me with the wheels and the candy.  But then he wanted to eat it right away!

We were so blessed to have all of our families here for Matthew's party.  We had a full house and lots of fun! 

It's hard to put into words how much I love this little boy.  I can't imagine my life without him and I am so thankful to be his mom.

Matthew loved opening presents and it is lots of fun having new things to play with!

I know I'm biased, but I think Matthew is a simply amazing little guy.  He is so funny, so sweet, so smart, and I enjoy spending every day with him.  I love how he busts out singing all the time, how he throws his head back and laughs with all his might when things strike him as funny (all the time!), how he hugs me and tells me he loves me all day long.  I love how he has decided that Nathan really is his brother, and watching him grow into his big brother role has brought more joy than I ever imagined it could.  As hard as it is sometimes to realize he is growing up, I really can't wait to see what this year holds for him!  God truly has blessed us with our little man :)

These Two Boys

I love these two goofy boys!

I love the way they make each other laugh.

I love that they are truly, completely brothers.

Through and through.

I love their smiles.

I love their energy and excitement over the littlest things.

I just love them!

And I know now that I wouldn't be me without them.

A Very Special Project

Several months back, I read a blog where a mom had made a Quiet Book (sometimes called "Busy Books") for her children.  It was such a neat idea, a book that had little activities that babies/toddlers would enjoy that were quiet and that would hopefully keep them entertained and quiet as well!

I instantly thought about our plane ride home from China with Hannah...gotta say, I'm really not looking forward to that very much!  I got thinking though that maybe a quiet book would be a helpful thing to have.  

Let me mention right now that I'm really not crafty.  I can't sew.  I can't follow a pattern.  It totally intimidates me.

So of course I started looking online for one to buy :)

I was pretty astonished to see how much they go for (they are handmade, and take a lot of time, so I really do understand).  

Suddenly my cheapness came face to face with my lack of craftiness.  Yes, I know those are not words.

Cheapness won out and I am making my own!  I did lots of searching on Pinterest and blogs to get ideas, drew pictures of what each page would entail, and set to work!

I have to admit, I am enjoying this so much!  I am totally a beginner sewer, so if I can do this anyone can.

The first page I completed:

The top flower unbuttons (but stays attached to the page - I realized quickly that I wanted everything to be attached.  On our plane ride home from Colorado with Nathan he threw every single toy we handed him on the floor. Awesome.)

I know Hannah won't be able to do this alone yet but I wonder if it might keep her occupied, or maybe she'll enjoy helping me?  Or maybe she'll hate it, who knows?!?!  :)

The next page is one she will be able to play with for sure.  It is just counting beads that move up and down along a string.

When I found these beads at a local store I knew they were just what I was looking for.  Adorable!

I have only finished three pages so far (out of 10), because it's the type of thing I can only work on after the boys go to bed...and most days I'm too tired out to do much!

This is my favorite page so far!  It's a little barn with doors that open...

...and inside are three animal finger puppets!

...which of course are attached with ribbon so we don't lose them :)

I followed the template from this blog for the barn and the finger puppets.  It was not hard at all!

It's a bit of a challenge for me and outside of my comfort zone but I like learning new things and I hope one day this will be a special book for Hannah.  I will try to share more when it's finished!

This is HUGE - It's Official!

I just want to shout it as loud as I can:

We got our

Probably most of you are wondering, like Brad,

what the heck do those letters mean again?

This means we have received our 

Letter of Acceptance from China!

They have officially reviewed our dossier 

and said that we can adopt Hannah.

See why I'm a little excited?

This step is HUGE, can take a short while or ages, 

and means that we are now in the home stretch!!!!

My best guess is that we will get our baby girl

in maybe 12-14 weeks.

That is not that long, people!

I am hoping we will be traveling to China

in February (though it could possibly be the end of January)

and the END IS IN SIGHT!

Which is just wonderful, because I decided just this week

that my little one needs to be in my arms ASAP :)

(the video we received on Tuesday may have had a little

something to do with this!)

We're ready, let's do this!

Celebrating How Far We've Come

It has been so long.  I almost can't believe it.  It has been literally months and months since this little guy has been sick.  It's November and he has just come down with his first bug of the Fall.

So we're back to the breathing treatments.

But you know what?  I am celebrating!

No, I'm not celebrating that my boy is miserable.  What I am celebrating is how amazing it is that he has gone this long without being sick!  How far we have come!

Last September he got sick, and literally he was sick until about March with just a few days, sometimes a week in between sicknesses.  We were up at night all the time.  He was on medicine all the time.  We went to the doctor almost weekly.

But that's not our life anymore, and I am so thankful!  Since Matthew had his tonsils out in February, he has been doing so much better.  There is really no comparison, it is a night and day difference.  We figured out so many things about his health this year and finally, after more than 2 1/2 years of almost constant sickness, he is one healthy little dude!

I'm hoping he can kick this cough without a trip to the doctor's office.  I guess we'll see!

And Finally They Share a Room!!!

It has been a long road, people, but we made it!  Two little boys sleeping WELL in the same room!  I wasn't sure we'd ever get there.  But we're on about week four and it has gone remarkably well, so I feel like I can blog about it now without worrying that tomorrow I'll be posting that Nathan is back in our bed :)

I have to say, I had never thought that we would co-sleep.  In fact, I was pretty adamantly against the whole thing.  But I'm learning along the way never say never!  Sometimes the best thing for your kids may not be what you would prefer to do.  A child sleeping with us for a year...not what I would have picked.  Truthfully though I am so glad we went this route with Nathan.  He needed it, plain and simple.  With Matthew being so sick for so long, up at night so many times, and Nathan being hysterical if he was sleeping alone...well, it was the right choice for our family.

After our Korea trip, we knew it was time.  We have a few more months until Hannah comes home, and we wanted Nathan and Matthew settled in their room (and hopefully sleeping well!) before that time.  So a few weeks back, we made the move!

After a fun trip to Ikea, we set up the boys' new beds!

We had two toddler beds for the boys before but we knew we needed to have a twin bed so that we could lie down with Nathan as needed.  Their room is small...so these low bunks were the perfect option for us!

The boys absolutely L.O.V.E their new beds!

A friend of mine had a great suggestion after a rough first night with Nathan and said maybe hanging a blanket over the side would make it more fun (he was pretty jealous of Matthew's fun top bunk).  It totally did the trick!  The boys are not allowed to go up to the top bunk during the day so the bottom bunk became their new favorite place to play.  It's so fun, like a little fort, and that night Nathan climbed right in and snuggled down without a fuss.  Amazing!

I'm so thankful we were able to make this happen and that it's gone so well.  Nathan still needs one of us to lie down with him at bedtime, and he still wakes up in the night, but sometimes he sleeps 7-8 hours before waking up and calling for us.  Big progress!  I love that the beds make a bit more space in their little bedroom, too!

And in case you're wondering...I have no idea where Hannah is going to go just yet!  There is room for a bed or a crib in their room, but three kids under four years old in one room kind of sounds like a nightmare to me :)  We might set up the crib in our room, she might sleep with us...who the heck knows!  It's all part of the adventure I guess!

{Beautiful Girl}

We were blessed to receive new pictures of our beautiful girl yesterday!  It was such a surprise and totally made my day.  Here is our sweet girl looking at the photo book our family sent her!  She is seeing pictures of her forever family for the first time :)

We got a short update as well, saying that her foster mother says that Hannah understands everything she says to her!  It also said she is very skinny, and that she is not walking yet and prefers to stand holding onto things rather than standing alone.  Part of me (selfishly!) hopes that we may get to see her take her first steps.

We are so thankful to have these precious pictures of Hannah with her foster mother.  We can tell she is cared for and loved!  What a blessing.  My heart is heavy today and the wait seems unending as it stretches out before us.  I know our time will come, but today...well, I just wish she was in my arms.

Busy

It's been a busy, busy week.  And I am tired.  The boys just spent over an hour playing in their room (making a surprisingly small mess, too!) and I was flat on my back on the couch trying to get up the energy to do something.  

Look, it worked - I'm blogging!

Earlier this week, Nathan had a CT scan scheduled, so he and I were up  at 5:30am to head to the hospital.  This was my first time going it alone for a procedure like this and I was a little nervous about it, but Nathan was such a trooper and did really well.  He had to be sedated (since he can't sit still for 10 seconds, let alone an hour!) and he had as can done of his inner/middle ears and also his right eye.  We are looking into the possibility of surgery to improve or maybe even restore his hearing, and this is the first step!  Also, he has a dermoid cyst on his right eye that his eye doc wanted a picture of if he was ever having a scan done (this is not anything we're worried about).  

Nathan had a bit of a difficult time before he got his happy juice, but bubbles did help :)

Everything went well and as soon as he woke up he wanted to eat, eat, eat!  We were home by about 10:30am and he was fine the rest of the day.

What else have I been up to...well, I've been busy in the kitchen!  

Every single day, without fail, I think to myself, "Dinner again?  Seriously, do I really have to make dinner again?".  I kind of got in a bit of a funk and let's just say we weren't eating very well.  

I had the idea that maybe making freezer meals in large batches would be good for me to try, so I got organized, made a list of meals I was going to make, bought my groceries, asked Brad to take the kids outside for a couple of hours, and voila!

I was able to make 15 freezer meals in just under 2.5 hours!  Some of these are complete meals and some of them are just the main dish and I will just have to make a side dish (for example, I made meatloaf and will just make some potatoes and a vegetable at dinner time).  A lot of them just thaw in the fridge for a day and then I will pop them in the crock pot.  I'm pretty excited about not having to think too much about dinner for the next two weeks!  I will definitely be doing this again.

I'm loving Pintrest these days and getting some great ideas.  The best part - I'm actually doing them instead of just thinking what good ideas they are!  I'm looking forward to sharing some more projects soon!

Fun Fall Memories!

It's a beautiful day in our corner of the world!  The boys have transitioned down to no naps (boo!) but honestly I am finding this really opens up the day and seems to give us a ton more time to do fun things.  Today after lunch we made some colored rice, and the boys have been happily playing with it for over an hour!

Every Fall I look forward to our trip to the local apple orchard, and yesterday we had absolutely perfect weather so we decided to spend the afternoon outside.  My sister and a friend joined us and it was just lovely!

Nathan's favorite part - the goats!

Matthew's favorite part - his very first pony ride!  I thought he would be scared but when I said I'd be just behind the rope waiting with Daddy he shouted, "Alright, Mom!" and then he was off with a big smile on his face!

After all this excitement we snagged a table and enjoyed some apples and freshly made donuts.  Yum!  I made Matthew some homemade donuts and he and Nathan both devoured those.  Then the kids all ran around like crazy with a sugar high :)

Then we attempted a family picture...which is always fun with two toddlers!

We got some apple cider to bring home and Nathan insisted on carrying it!

Brad and I have been going to this same apple orchard since before we had kids and every year I find myself thinking about past years and marveling at how our lives have changed in the last few years.  It's hard to believe next year there will be another little one running around, too!