Doggie Friends

Ever since our new friend, Little Dog,

has become a permanent fixture at our house,

she and Daisie have become best buds.

Little Dog is a 5 pound Chihuahua.

Daisie is a 40+ pound Basset Hound.

There is really only one problem.

Now Daisie seems to think that she, too, is a lap dog.

It's going to break her heart to find out the truth.

Confessions

This week I watched the video of Nathan from last November for the first time since...November. Until now, I could not bring myself to watch it again. It makes it too real, too painful, the wait too long. I feel so much guilt about that, but it is what it is. This week I watched it, and I cried, and I smiled, and my heart filled up so much as I realized that is my son!

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I went a little crazy and had way too much fun shopping for Nathan's care package. I tried 6 times but I can't fit it all into the gallon ziplock back I have. I think I need one with a zipper...I'm sure then I can make it fit. :)

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Tonight my heart was heavy as I ordered a bunch of books for Matthew. Books about adoption. Books about food allergies. Adoption is beautiful, but it's hard too. I hate that Matthew is going to have to wrestle through some difficult things in his life. I know there will be questions ahead and sometimes I wonder how I will handle that. It is part of his story, and we will always be honest with him. I pray we will have wisdom as we walk this road as a family.

And then there's the food allergies...that just makes me mad. Tonight I feel mad that I have to teach him that he can't just eat anything because it can make him really sick. I hate that I'm ordering books about an elephant who can't eat peanuts (even though he is going to love it because it's about an elephant!). I hate that this is a part of his life. I wish I could take that from him. I hate that he is going to have to go to school and deal with this. I hate that I won't always be there to protect him, and I know without a doubt this is going to take some major trusting in the Lord because honestly, I just want to freak right out when I think about it. I wish I could fix it but I can't. And so I order books and I take a deep breath and I pray and let go. Again.

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I'm thinking of quitting this half marathon training. I am really not sure I can do it. Several weeks of sickness and a serious lack of sleep have killed all motivation I had and I just don't know if I can keep up. I don't know what to do. I missed my run yesterday and felt like I could have done it today, but I didn't have time. Advice?

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That's all I've got. Phew. Feeling much better to have that all out!

Cutback Week

Last week was a cutback week in many ways.

In running, thankfully it was a cutback week - my long run Saturday was only 3 miles. I managed it (barely). I realized this week that training for a half marathon and having a toddler is much different than training for one without children. It turns out that a 4 mile run after sleeping only 4 (interrupted) hours the night before is hard. So hard that I quit after 2 miles.

It was a cutback week in pretty much every area of my life this week.

Cutback on housework, laundry, cooking. Just survive.

Cutback on playdates, friendships, leaving the house. Make it through the week.

But now it is Sunday, and a new week is beginning. I'm feeling ready to jump back into life now that Matthew has (almost) slept through the night 3 nights in a row!!!!

This weekend was great in so many ways. Full of so many tiny little things that made me smile:

A new haircut for my handsome little man.

And it didn't even stress me out to cut it this time

(turns out it really does just grow back!)

New pajamas.

Gotta love new pajamas.

This picture is pretty blurry but I just had to share

the funny face Matthew keeps making

whenever he is trying to get me to say "yes" to something.

"Pweeeease mama" with his lips sticking out...

it always makes me laugh, even if it doesn't get me to say yes :)

Some Good Stuff

Sickness, temper tantrums, sleepless nights...

it's just the stuff of life.

Knowing it happens to everyone doesn't seem to make it easier.

It's been a long week that has looked mostly like this around here:

Lots of t.v., lots of tears, lots of time stuck in the house.

Lots of prayers, lots of discussions about parenting with the hubby,

lots of hugs, lots of nebulizing, lots of screaming.

This week has felt like a lot.

But.

There have been good things, too.

Lots of reassuring from my mother that this is normal.

Lots of help from my sister, who let me take a nap today while she watched Matthew.

A nap, people. Oh yes, it was wonderful.

Lots of opportunities to watch my husband and realize

once again what an amazing guy I married.

Tons and tons of snuggles and kisses

from this little guy.

He just makes my heart ache with love.

Some more good stuff today -

learning that we will be getting new pictures, video and an update about Nathan sometime in April :) Oh to see his sweet face again...

It's been a tough week, with enough good stuff to get us through.

Thank you, Lord, for the good stuff.

And thanks for carrying us through the rest of it.

This Week's Long Run

After a long night again with Matthew, I thought the long run I had planned for today was a goner. Brad had planned to go with me but with Matthew still coughing pretty badly it was obvious to both of us that he needed a day at home, so I knew if I was going to run it would be alone.

I pretty much had myself talked out of it until I saw this:

With a sky that blue, how could I not run? I am so glad I did - it was an amazing run!

I did six miles in 1 hour and 3 minutes. I was so happy with this because last week I did five miles in 1 hour and 4 minutes! Which means that this week I was a lot faster :)

My times for this week's run:

Mile One: 11:15

Mile Two: 10:16

Mile Three: 11:05

Mile Four: 10:07

Mile Five: 10:34

Mile Six: 9:16 (my fastest mile EVER!)

Best of all, my knees and foot felt great, I figured out what I am going to share with my Jr. High girls when they come to my house in a couple of weeks, and the weather was perfect. I'm so glad I didn't put this run off until tomorrow!

Sentences About Today

It's been a long (but beautifully sunny!) day around here. The weather was the best we've seen so far this year, so my sister and I made plans to go to the park and run this morning. Those plans were almost derailed by a certain someone who decided to be up from 4:45am to about 6:45am. Curse you, molars. I always tell Brad that it is a really good thing that Matthew is so cute. It makes it harder to be grouchy when he wakes me up in the night over and over again. Harder, but not impossible :)

So when we got up for the day at about 7:45am, I thought there would be no way I could run. I am trying really hard to stick to my half marathon training plan and I am finally back on track! I ran 5 miles on Saturday, 3.5 miles on Monday, and today needed to do 4 miles. It sounded like way too much...and then I let the dogs outside and the warm sunshine hit my face. I was sold. Off we went to the park! Joanna (my sis) rollerbladed and I ran (oh so slowly today). It was hard but I did it! Afterwards we met up with a friend and had a lovely time playing and eating our snacks together.

Matthew had been coughing a bit last night but this morning seemed fine. We got home from the park and all of a sudden he was coughing like crazy, breathing really fast, had a fever, and was looking pretty pitiful. He has asthma and so little colds and things tend to hit him pretty hard, so I called the doc and got him in later in the afternoon.

After spending one and a half hours stuck in a tiny room with a two year old...we left the doctors office with a new prescription of oral steroids. Matthew was a rock star, and I kept thinking how the $1.99 I spent on a puzzle app for my I-Pod may have been the best money I ever spent.

Poor little buddy is doing a bit better tonight, but another hard part about sickness is that it makes him super itchy. So, back to wet pajamas we go. And now he's two, and realizes it's weird, and screams when we put them on. Once we get the outer pajamas on he's good, but really it must feel pretty strange and not good (in his words, "Gucky!").

Here's to hoping tomorrow does not start so early and that little man is feeling better!

New Boots

New boots

are perfect

for stomping

and exploring

and discovering

and enjoying the great outdoors!

The snow is gone

and spring is on its way :)

Let me tell you,

we cannot get enough

of being outside!

Today's Random Thoughts

Random thought number one: I think I wasn't clear about something in my last post. This is not the first time in my life that I've had true friendships with other girls/women. I was blessed in high school and college with several really good friendships, and most of these friendships still continue today. But in high school, and even sometimes in college, it seemed there were still many girls who were not so trustworthy. I'm just glad to be at a point in my life where I don't really have people who make me feel guarded or worried that they're going to turn on me. Does that make sense? I didn't want it to sound like this is the first time in my life I've had great friends, because that is not true! Plus, not all of my friends are moms, and they are awesome and I value them just the same. Just wanted to clear that up :)

On another note...I ran 3.5 miles on Monday and it was awesome. I felt great, didn't have knee pain or foot pain, and was really encouraged. Today I have to run 3.5 again and I'm feeling a severe lack of motivation. Like as in I don't know if I'm going to be able to drag myself off the couch.

On another note again...now that we have finished paying for Nathan's adoption, our budget has loosened up a little and I am excited to be able to buy some things I've been holding off on for a while (like, 4 years!). I finally bought this print for Matthew and Nathan's bedroom that I just love from kil.sook, an Etsy store I heard about through several blogs. I had been looking at a few that were so cute, and when I saw this one (entitled, "Brothers") I knew it was the one!

Seriously, I cannot wait to have two little boys! I am trying to think about what else I want to put up in their bedroom and what kind of bedding I want to get for them, and it is so much fun turning a nursery into a bedroom for two toddler boys!!!

Mom Friends

After surviving some pretty brutal Jr. High years as a teenage girl, I was solidly convinced that friendships with girls were just about impossible. I truly thought that girls could only be mean to each other and that was the way it was. I thought girls were untrustworthy, spiteful, and would stab you in the back when given any chance. The worst part of it was that I was actually one of those girls, too - it seemed like the only way to survive. I cringe when I look back on those friendships.

Over the years, though, I have gradually started to see that it does not have to be like that. I feel so blessed when I look at the women in my life now, and I'm amazed to see how many I really trust, knowing that they are not going to turn on me. There is something very wonderful about being able to relax and be yourself with someone, and I now have a great group of friends who let me just be me.

These days I am feeling so thankful for my 'mom friends'. I have several close friends who also stay home with their kids, and I'm pretty sure they keep me from going insane. There have been so many days when I've just needed to get out of the house, and one of my friends has called me up and asked if we want to come over, or go and do something. I really don't know what I would do without them!

And then there's the advice...this mom thing can be hard, confusing, and frustrating, and most of the time I don't know what I'm doing! So it is wonderful to have many women who can give me ideas of things to try, or who can share what they did that worked. It helps so much to have lots of different ideas so that I can keep trying things until I find something that works for us. It is so good to not feel alone.

I help out with our youth group, and sometimes I see the way Jr. High and Sr. High girls interact with each other, and I just want to shake them and say....it doesn't have to be like this. You can have real friendships, be kind to each other, trust each other, and have lots of fun together along the way. I am so glad to have found this out and I hope I can show them what it's like to have real friendships, and to show them that it is possible. I am so thankful for my friends!

Signs of Spring

A little someone was very happy

that we got to go out for a walk tonight after dinner.

Actually, two someone's were happy!

I am so ready for winter to be over.

Another sign that Spring is just around the corner...

Daisie took her first nap of the year in the sunroom!

Yep, warm weather is on its way :)

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

(This picture really doesn't go with my post today, I just love it! This was taken when Brad finally finished up his 90 hour work week a couple of weeks ago...boy was Matthew glad to have his Daddy back!)

It seems like the older I get, the more I realize that a lot of things in life are two steps forward, one step back...and that is okay. Take Matthew's sleeping for example. We will be doing really great, finally sleeping through the night consistently, and then BAM, he gets sick and we are up several times a night. We take a step forward - down to once a night - then BAM again, teething. Back up all the time. I have learned to not be too upset when my sleep is disrupted again because it's just the way it is, and I know that the time will come again when he sleeps through. Eventually.

At the moment we are making real headway in leaving Matthew in the care of other people. For a while this was pretty hard, but this morning my heart soared when we walked into the church nursery, Matthew squirmed out of my arms and raced off to play without a single tear! He waved his hand to me without even looking at me when I said good-bye, and with that I was out of there! Let me tell you, there were many days when I thought we would never get here, but sure enough, two steps forward, one step back, we made it!

I'm facing a major step back in the running department right now :( I ended up taking almost 3 weeks off because of my foot injury, Brad's work schedule, strep throat and the flu. At first I was frustrated, but pretty soon I felt so sick I didn't care that I couldn't run! Last Thursday I finally ran about 1.75 miles, and then Saturday I barely managed 2 miles before having to stop. I am frustrated and discouraged, but it is a new week and 3 miles is on the schedule for tomorrow. I am supposedly in week 4 of 1/2 marathon training but truthfully I don't know if I can do it. I am going to give it my best this week and see how it goes. Hopefully this will be a "two step forward" kind of week!!

Celebrating With Korean Food

Well, I tried to get Matthew to show the envelope but it just wasn't working out! We got our I-600 approval in the mail today!!!! This is the last step here on the US side and now we are officially just waiting for things to happen in Korea...and praying like crazy that they happen sooner than we expect!!

I was kind of surprised it came already since we were expecting to have to send in some additional information before it would be approved. It was great that it came today though because what is a more fitting way to celebrate than with a delicious Korean meal (that already happened to be on the menu for tonight)?!?!?!?

We have been wanting to try this Jap Chae recipe for a long time but I only recently got the sweet potato noodles we needed at an Asian market we visited. It has noodles, marinated beef, cabbage, carrots, and fresh spinach in it, and let me tell you, all three of us were making "mmmmmmmm" noises as we enjoyed this absolutely fabulous recipe! Matthew ate two full plates!!!! And apparently when it's this good, you cannot be slowed down by a fork!

I'm so thankful and excited to have one more step finished on our journey to Nathan! I know it won't be long until these days of waiting are behind us :)

To My Son in Korea

My dear Nathan,

Yesterday you turned 14 months old. You are still so far away from us physically, but you are never far from our thoughts. Yesterday I was just feeling so sad, knowing that it is still going to be months before I get to see your face. I wonder about the things I am missing in your life. I'm guessing that by now you can stand up, crawl, maybe even walk. I wonder what toys you like, what you enjoy doing, what makes you smile. I can't wait until I get to know those things about you! Your sweet face runs through my mind so many times throughout the day. When I see your brother Matthew playing, I can picture you standing beside him and playing with him (or maybe teaching him how to share?? :) I cannot wait to have two little boys running around our house. Matthew has learned how to say your name, but I don't think he has a clue what it means to have a brother! He is in for a big surprise! I think you two will have lots of fun together and I hope you will be the best of friends. I am so glad to know you are happy and loved and cared for in Korea. It would be so much harder if I knew nobody was caring for you and giving you attention, but I am so thankful that your foster mother is doing such a great job of loving you and keeping you happy and healthy. I can't wait to meet her and to tell her 'thank you' for all she has done. I'm sure it will be hard for her to let you go, but I hope we can show her how much we love you and want you to be our little boy. We are so glad that you are going to be our son forever! I can't wait until I can kiss your cheeks and squeeze your little legs and brush that crazy hair of yours :) You are so precious to us and we can't wait until we can come and get you. We love you and we will see you soon!

Mommy

Wordless Wednesday {27 Months}