Dreaming

I've been stuck in the house so long that I am finding myself daydreaming about so many things...

...like maybe using Brad's overtime pay to take a trip somewhere warm (Myrtle Beach? Florida? Hmm....)

...and picking out races to run and planning my training once I'm all recovered (its been a week and a half, the x-ray came back negative for any stress fractures, my foot feels good, and I can't wait to be running again! ). I'm not sure what will happen with the half marathon since I've missed the first two weeks of training. Might need to rethink that plan, and I'm wondering about trying a duathlon in June instead.

...thinking about our friends who are at the airport tonight meeting their little boy who is arriving from South Korea!

...getting excited since a family who is adopting through the same agency as us got their travel call today, about 8 months after their referral acceptance. If that timeline holds true for us, that means it could be only about 5 more months until we get our sweet boy!!!! Today it feels like we are really getting closer!

...so thankful that this week is almost over!!! And we survived!!

A Couple of Sickies

It was bound to happen...sickness has finally arrived at our house. Matthew came down with a cold last Friday, followed by lots of yucky stuff on the weekend, and yesterday I finally took him to the doctor because he just wasn't getting any better. I'm so thankful that I did - he has strep throat. And so do I. It has been a long week, that's for sure.

Making this week much more difficult is the fact that Brad has been working from 7am until 11pm or midnight every day this week because of an ice storm that knocked out tons of power in the area he oversees. I have seen him for a few minutes each night, talked to him for maybe 5 minutes and day, and he has not seen Matthew since Sunday. Today Montel Williams came on the t.v. and Matthew pointed to him and said, "Dada!". Um, no honey, not so much. Then he cracked a smile and said, "Noooooo!" Oh good, he was just teasing. Still, I think he needs some time with his daddy!

In the midst of a really crummy week there have been some lovely blessings:

Family who cares so much about us and has helped us while Brad is at work.

A trip to the store and the doctors office yesterday - the most I've been out of the house in almost a week!

A friend who stopped by to keep me from losing it last night :)

A friend who brought me homemade bread, treats, and a balloon for Matthew.

A friend who brought me tea bags...because if I run out of tea, I won't survive this!

Friends who call and chat and keep me sane.

My sisters who care so much and love on us all the time.

My mom who is always checking in on me :)

I keep remembering that there are way worse things that could be happening, and that this won't go on much longer. It has given me a whole new perspective on single parents and how hard that must be. I am exhausted. I miss my husband, his friendship, laughing with him...and handing Matthew over to him for a while :) This has been a good reminder of how many really good things I take for granted. Hopefully we will be feeling better soon and enjoying some quality family time together!

He is My Super Baby

Since nobody would want to see a video from life at our house this weekend (I promise you that much!) I thought I'd share one from happier days...of our SUPERBABY!

When Things Don't Go How I Expect

One of my biggest struggles in life is letting go of expectations. There have been so many *big* things in my life that have not gone how I expected. Those were painful and challenging experiences for sure. But I have found over the years that I even struggle with small things, changes in plans, things not going how I thought they would, circumstances being out of my control and letting go when things don't work out no matter how hard I try.

This is for sure an area that God has been working on in me. I find it so easy to get caught up in me, myself and I, thinking about all the things I want to happen, how much I am looking forward to something, that often when it doesn't work out how I wanted I get bent out of shape in a big way. So bent out of shape, in fact, that I can't enjoy whatever else I am doing because I'm just thinking about how I'm missing out on what I expected to happen.

It's not really a fun way to live, to tell you the truth.

Thankfully I am learning this lesson and starting to see that just because things don't go how I want them to does not mean that I have to be grumpy. I know - *gasp*! It seems so obvious that I can choose how I respond to things, but for so long I have felt like I had no control over it.

This week has been one of those weeks. You know, the kind where nothing goes as planned. Foot pain, a visit to the doctor, x-rays to check for a stress fracture...no running. Not what I had planned. I could be grouchy about it, feel bad every time I see someone else enjoying a run in this perfect 50 degree weather we've been having, and make those around me miserable because I can't run...but why? It's not like that gets me out there any faster. This is seriously a revelation to me! So, even though there's been no running, it has been a good week. Well, relatively.

We had great plans for the weekend. Dear friends coming with their new baby, a fun party tomorrow, lots of laughs...and instead we spent the day cleaning throw-up off the floor, comforting a sick little baby, and missing our friends who we told not to come. Sigh. It could be a mopey kind of weekend for sure, but instead we are making the best of it, planning a little party here tomorrow to watch the Daytona 500 (just me, Brad, and a bunch of candy!), and laughing over the number of times Brad has been puked on today :)

I must admit that I hope next week gets better, but truthfully if it doesn't, it's okay. If I have a stress fracture, I will not be running for weeks, or probably months. Ouch. That makes me sad. But there are so many reasons to rejoice, and I choose to not dwell on what I am missing or the fact that things have not gone how I expected.

And now back to my other fun event today...planning our Korea trip! My heart is aching today for our little guy, but I know that time is passing and one day we will get that call saying we can go and get him. So for today, I will be content to make lists, do some online research, and dream of holding in my arms. What a day that will be!

To Sum it Up

This week has been a fun one! We have had a couple of days of really nice weather (in the 40's even!) so we have been taking advantage of that as much as possible. This morning I sat out on my back steps and heard birds singing. Glorious!

Little Man has been cracking me up so much lately. He is turning into a real little person and it is so fun to hang out with him. He recently learned how to blow out and now he can work his recorder and this fabulous party favor! He was pretty excited about that :)

I love all the funny quirky things he does. Like how he could just push his shopping cart around the living room...but instead he carries it! Crazy kid.

What else is new this week...oh yes, a new little family member! On Monday I found a tiny little dog running around a nearby street. I don't know why, but my family seems to always attract lost cats and dogs :) I just cannot drive away and wonder if it is safe or let it maybe get hit. So I brought it home, told Brad (who laughed, because seriously I do this a lot) and got Little Dog settled in at her new home. Daisie has done very well with having a new little friend and Little Dog seems happy enough with us. She is the sweetest little thing, very obedient, loving, and has not nipped at Matthew even when he sat on her today. I thought that was going to be the end of Little Dog but she managed to fight her way out! I have kind of named her "Penny" but mostly we just call her Little Dog - I didn't want to get attached as we have been trying to find her owners. But that's not working :) I hope she gets to stay.

The only bummer part of the week is my foot problem...I'm not ready to call it an injury just yet even though it hurts like the dickens and I can barely walk on it. After a lovely 6 mile run on Sunday, I got home and suddenly had a shooting pain in my foot, followed by a sharp and constant pain for the last several days. At least it is only when I walk :) I am going to the doctor tomorrow so we'll see if anything is going on. And of course this happened in the first week of half marathon training! Oh well, what can you do? Sit with your feet up, I guess!

We are so looking forward to the weekend - fun with friends, Nascar, a sweet little baby...it's going to be good!

Sleeping Arrangements: What Would You Do?

We're settling into our third month of waiting for Nathan to come home, and I find myself often thinking through some of the logistics of having two toddlers. One of the big ones we are talking about is the whole issue of sleep. And yes, I know we probably won't be getting much for a while once Nathan joins us :)

Brad and I were chatting before bed the other night and we were going through all the possibilities for sleeping arrangements for Matthew and Nathan for when he first comes home. I believe I said something about how we "really needed to decide what we are going to do" which made Brad chuckle as he pointed out that we probably didn't need to decide right then. Sometimes I get a bit ahead of myself! Still, it helps me to feel like one day he will really be here :)

So I need your help! I would love to hear your thoughts or opinions about what might work well for us when Nathan comes home.

Background info:

• We only have two bedrooms, and they are both small.
• Nathan will probably be 18-24 months when he comes home
• It is my understanding that most children sleep on the floor on a mat with their foster mother in Korea
• We know for sure that co-sleeping is not for us - I am a terrible sleeper and it would be the death of me

So here are a few scenarios:

Matthew and Nathan could share a room right from the start. Matthew is in a toddler bed and I think we would try the crib for Nathan. Does this sound like a nightmare waiting to happen? Will I be up every 5 minutes? Will they totally just wake each other up or keep each other awake???

I could sleep in their room on a twin mattress for a while to help Nathan get adjusted. Or not.

Nathan could sleep in a crib in our bedroom. We could possibly take the side off the crib and put it right beside the bed - kind of like co-sleeping only not.

Nathan and I could sleep down in the basement for a while to avoid two children being up all night long - that way Brad could get sleep (which he needs since he drives all day) and hopefully Matthew wouldn't be woken up so much. This would be a temporary thing until Nathan is a little more settled.

What do you think? Even if you don't have two children I would love to hear what you would try! Obviously we are willing to try more than one thing - if something isn't working we would try another option. But what would you try first? I can't wait to hear your answers!

Getting To Know Him

Last night as I drove home from youth group, a familiar and special song came on the radio. I believe it is called "My Tribute" and is sung by Israel Houghton, and it is the song that I used when making the video about our journey to Matthew (which is at the bottom of this blog). I just love hearing that song because it takes me back to that amazing day when we first met our sweet boy, and I always think of the pictures of us holding him for the first time.

Last night as I thought about those pictures, I thought about who I was when I met him. I was a scared, clueless, hopeful, broken, thrilled, thankful woman who could not believe this little boy was her son. It was a day I thought would never come. And the baby I held in my arms was a total mystery to me! I knew nothing about who he was. I knew some facts about him, but I didn't know him.

I smiled as I realized that now, I know him. Oh yes, he is my son and I know him so well! I know what he likes, what he doesn't like...I know what scares him (the tiger on "Jungle Book", a cat in one of his pop up books - kind of random!)...I know what he's saying, most of the time, even when others can't guess to save their lives...I know when he's tired, when he's hungry, when he wants a snuggle...I know that if at any point in the day I get down on the floor on my hands and knees, growl like a lion, and pretend I'm going to get him, he will squeal with joy and run towards me for a hug! I know that "rec" means rectangle and "game" means he wants to play the train game on my I-Pod. I know that when he hits the button in the garage to make the garage door up (with me holding him) he is without doubt going to say "Loud!" as soon as it starts going up. I know that if I tickle him under his chin he will instantly erupt in laughter.

I love knowing him. I love having a relationship and being able to take care of him. I love that there is still so much more about him to discover.

I wonder often what Nathan will be like, what it will be like to see him and Matthew together, what his personality will be. I can't wait to find out!

8k Race Day

It's quite the feeling to accomplish something in life that you never thought you could do. As I crossed the finish line at yesterday's 8k race, I was surprised to feel emotional and a little shocked with myself. Running is a strange thing and it has taught me a lot about myself, and about life. I would have never dreamed that I would be able to tackle this distance, or that I'd be one of the "crazies" that was out in pretty cold weather yesterday for the race. I felt pretty proud of myself when it was all over, but mostly I was grateful for the opportunity and ability to do something I enjoy. Running is not my life, and if tomorrow I woke up and could not do it, that would be okay. But I thank God for good health and that for now I am able to run.

The race was...hard. So very hard. Much harder than I'd anticipated. It was cold, but that wasn't really a problem once I got going. The main challenges in this race were the hills and the snow. Wow, the snow. I did not anticipate running in so much snow and it really took it out of me. It takes a lot more energy and slowed me down a lot. The hills were frequent but not too steep, although they were killer on the way back (it was an out and back course).

Best move of the day: Putting vaseline on my face. It totally helped me not get wind burn.

Worst move of the day: Not wearing my YakTrax on my shoes - they help you grip on snow and ice and would have come in very handy during the race! Unfortunately all the roads near the start line were really clear and I thought I wouldn't need them. Big mistake!

I have to say that Brad wins the "Husband of the Year" award for his support and love yesterday. Without complaining he bundled up, pushed Matthew around for an hour while I ran (Matthew fell asleep before the race even started!) and cheered me on at the finish. Seeing him as I neared the finish line brought a smile to my face and gave me the boost I needed to finish.

I managed to meet all of my goals for the race:

1. Run the whole race - check!

2. Finish in under 1 hour - check! (official time: 54:53)

3. Not get beat by any speed walkers - check! I passed a couple of ladies early on and made it my goal to not get passed by them again :) There is nothing quite so humbling as being passed by a walker when you consider yourself a runner!

After the race, I got a quick snuggle from Matthew, then we loaded up and headed to our favorite and enormous Christmas store. It is beautiful! We found an ornament for Nathan, a train ornament for Matthew, and saw lots and lots of lights while Matthew stretched his legs.

After a delicious lunch, we headed home and ended up driving through blizzard conditions and seeing many cars go off the road. It was quite scary and I was thankful when we arrived safely home.

I am so sore today! More sore than I have ever been after running I think! I think I'll take a few days off and then...half marathon training begins :) Although I did ask myself in the middle of the 8k what in the world I was thinking with this half marathon stuff. But I love a challenge, and I need something to keep me busy while I wait for Nathan, so...here we go!!!!

What a Difference

What a difference a year makes. Exactly a year ago, we had a very sick and miserable little boy on our hands. He had been sick for most of the winter, threw up often, had diarrhea for the whole month of December, and we were at the doctors office at least once a week.

At the beginning of February, he got really sick and a strange rash broke out on his arms, legs, and finally all over his face. It's hard to even look at these pictures - they actually made me cry today because I realize now how awful he must have been feeling. But I like to look back and see how far he has come and how healthy he is now - that gets me smiling for sure!

After being at the doctor's office twice, the urgent care center on the weekend, and finally back to the doctors on Monday, they sent us to the ER. Matthew was breathing so fast - over 60 times a minute, he had RSV, pneumonia, and this awful rash persisted. He was admitted over night and the combination of breathing treatments and IV steroids got him feeling a lot better very quickly.

But it was the news we got the day after he got out of the hospital that really helped us get him feeling better. The pediatrician had done blood work to check for food allergies, and sure enough we found out he had tested positive for several foods including eggs, peanuts, tree nuts and soy. Thank goodness the soy one turned out to be a false positive :) Those early days of just finding out about his food allergies were so very overwhelming, but now it is just a part of life and although I think about it all the time I don't worry about it all the time anymore. Carrying an Epi-pen everywhere we go, reading every single food label multiple times, and learning to cook without egg or milk somehow became our new normal.

Looking back it is so painfully obvious to me that he is allergic to eggs. I suspected but I didn't know much about food allergies and so I didn't realize that food could be making him so sick. I hate that we fed him things that made him feel so bad, even though I know I just didn't know.

After several more months of battling with eczema, we figured out he also has a milk allergy. Once we got that sorted, though, and made sure he didn't get any milk or eggs in any of his foods, he has been like a new child! It has been amazing to watch the transformation and to realize how much better he feels now. He is so much happier! Plus, the puffiness he always had around his eyes (even in his referral picture from five months old) is finally gone!!! I may be biased but I think he looks pretty amazing :)

I'm so thankful that those days of sickness are behind us and now Matthew is healthy and happy. It is one of the hardest things I've ever experienced to see my little boy so sick. I praise the Lord for all He has done in helping us keep our boy healthy. Such a wonderful change!

Snow Event

So word on the street around here is that we are about to have a "snow event". That is what the lady on the news called it last night, and for some reason I found it hilarious. Maybe it was because it was 11pm and I was exhausted...but it struck me as funny and has actually put a new spin on this whole "cooped up in my house" thing. After all, I can't really be cranky when it's an event, can I? :)

Today was a good day. I decided we should head outside for some snow fun before the blizzard actually hits, and Matthew and I had a blast. This kid loves the snow now! What he doesn't love is not being able to bend his arms and legs because of his snow suit :)

Matthew's favorite thing this winter is his sled. I got in a good workout running up and down the sidewalk in front of our house. Every time I stopped he would say, "Ready....GO!" So off I went again!

When I went to put the sled away in the garage I stood him just outside of the garage door. I didn't need to worry that he would run out into the street since he stood in the exact place I stood him for the next couple of minutes. Apparently we need to spend some time practicing walking in snow!

Tonight the "snow event" began, and Matthew had a front row seat!

I wonder how much snow we'll have by tomorrow morning?