We're settling into our third month of waiting for Nathan to come home, and I find myself often thinking through some of the logistics of having two toddlers. One of the big ones we are talking about is the whole issue of sleep. And yes, I know we probably won't be getting much for a while once Nathan joins us :)
Brad and I were chatting before bed the other night and we were going through all the possibilities for sleeping arrangements for Matthew and Nathan for when he first comes home. I believe I said something about how we "really needed to decide what we are going to do" which made Brad chuckle as he pointed out that we probably didn't need to decide right then. Sometimes I get a bit ahead of myself! Still, it helps me to feel like one day he will really be here :)
So I need your help! I would love to hear your thoughts or opinions about what might work well for us when Nathan comes home.
Background info:
- We only have two bedrooms, and they are both small.
- Nathan will probably be 18-24 months when he comes home
- It is my understanding that most children sleep on the floor on a mat with their foster mother in Korea
- We know for sure that co-sleeping is not for us - I am a terrible sleeper and it would be the death of me
So here are a few scenarios:
Matthew and Nathan could share a room right from the start. Matthew is in a toddler bed and I think we would try the crib for Nathan. Does this sound like a nightmare waiting to happen? Will I be up every 5 minutes? Will they totally just wake each other up or keep each other awake???
I could sleep in their room on a twin mattress for a while to help Nathan get adjusted. Or not.
Nathan could sleep in a crib in our bedroom. We could possibly take the side off the crib and put it right beside the bed - kind of like co-sleeping only not.
Nathan and I could sleep down in the basement for a while to avoid two children being up all night long - that way Brad could get sleep (which he needs since he drives all day) and hopefully Matthew wouldn't be woken up so much. This would be a temporary thing until Nathan is a little more settled.
What do you think? Even if you don't have two children I would love to hear what you would try! Obviously we are willing to try more than one thing - if something isn't working we would try another option. But what would you try first? I can't wait to hear your answers!
8 comments:
I would try a mixture of option 1 & 2 first. Maybe having a big brother in the room will be a comfort to Nathan and help the transition go better. Especially if they become BFF's! :) If that does not work move on to the next options... all very good ideas I might add.. Prayers. I agree, sleeping and new adoption is so much to think through. Prayers for wisdom. So excited for you!
We have been going back and forth about this very decision for some time now (and we aren't even matched yet!) Our SW suggested we try putting them together at first, as Christopher will probably have some regression in his sleep habits after traveling and changing time zones twice in a week. She thought if both kids were in the room together they would be comforting to each other and if needed I could sleep on a mattress in the room and be close to both of them (rather than running back and forth to separate rooms all night). It makes perfect sense to us since any change in routine totally throws Christopher's sleep patterns off. I think this is what we are going to do. I suppose when we transition baby #2 into their own room will depend on how well they are both sleeping. Also, if that plan doesn't work and they are keeping each other up or Matthew is not happy with the arrangement, you can always change plans accordingly. Good Luck! I can't wait to see your boys together!
I would first try the thing that you are picturing to be the long term arrangement, which sounds like the two boys in the same room. One thought - if there are nights when both boys are up at the same time or one is waking the other one up (presumably Nathan waking Matthew), you could have Matthew sleep on your floor for the rest of the night while you work with Nathan in his room. That keeps Nathan's sleeping spot the same for consistency for him. I suggest this only because our two boys share a room. Sometimes Daniel (our 2 year old) is up in the middle of the night and wakes up his older brother. Bringing Daniel into our room ensures that both parents and Daniel don't get any more sleep that night. But if we bring Andrew into our room (he brings his blanket and pillow and sleeps on the floor), at least Andrew and one parent get some sleep that night.
So the long and short of it is that I think you should start them out with how you hope they will end up and then see what happens. And what fun it is to be thinking of these things!!
This is a tough one. I faced something similar as my babies are 7 months apart and I did think about putting them in the same room from the start, and am so glad I didn't. Eventually I know that's what you'll do, but I'd let Nathan get adjusted first. I don't think Matthew will get much sleep with Nathan in the room transitioning.
I would try the basement thing if you have a comfortable place down there. That way your hubby can get sleep and you and Nathan can really have that 1:1 time.
Oh boy... This is so tough. Seeing that N will be about the same age Ingrid was when she came home, I'd wager to guess that he'll be dealing (and therefore so will you) with a lot of grieving for his foster family. This makes the first few weeks VERY tough. For the first several nights, Adam and I took turns in the basement, staying up ALL NIGHT while she screamed. It was horrible. She didn't want to be held, but she didn't want to be set down either. It was truly miserable. (not to scare you... just fair warning of worst-case scenario). I truly think those first few weeks are just survival. So we caught sleep whenever we could, however we could.
To this day, our girls still do not share a room b/c Olive prefers to party over sleeping for naps and part of bedtime. She's a terrible sleeper. So Ingrid would never sleep if they shared space. But I know it depends completely on your kids.
Hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you want to pick my brain any more.
My first instinct would be to to try to get the boys settled right away into their normal desired routine situation but then ... I remember that is is a special unique situatiuon - not just moving from two separate rooms to into one room together - but instead a whole new wonderful but new and different life for both of the boys. I think I might try making a little comfy spot in the basement for you and Nathan for the first little bit. This would be such a wonderful bonding time for the two of you and Matthew's bedtime routine wouldn't be much different as he adjusts to his new brother. :) Then when you are all ready to transition Nathan into the room with Matthew (you will all be a bit more adjusted) and Nathan will not be used to being in YOUR room where you are now - and likely will not desire to be in the basement either b/c you aren't even there anymore. :) Hope that makes sense! So fun to prepare for your new little man to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just a note - I know this is a totally different sitauation but thought I'd share a bit about our foster son "D". He was 21 months when he came into our care. He wasn't in a new country with new language, smells and etc... but as you know a new home with strangers - us. He had experienced A LOT of neglect and I think this played a factor in his behavior and response (due to lack of attachment) but he never cried and always fell right to sleep in his new room/home when we put him into bed. Infact he preferred we just let him be. He ALSO had his bio brother "T" so I am SURE that helped a ton - but just thought I'd share our not super similar situation but a situation when a toddler joined our home. :)
I'd try the boys in a room together right from the start... I think Mathew will be a comfort to Nathan... more so than you might think. Just KNOWING someone else is there. Also, we bought a cheap noise machine when we had Ethan just so the sounds of him crying at night wouldn't bother Jacob so much... and it worked like a charm. You can get them at Walmart or Target for $10-15 and it was sooo worth it. We still use it every night.
It's probably going to be a bit of trial and error. You may want to do the basement for a couple of days if Brad has to start work right away. If he has a bit of time off maybe starting right out trying the arrangement you want (Nathan and Matthew sharing a room - probably with you in there too at first) would work. From everything I've heard your probably won't get much sleep that first week anyway. Good luck! We're still trying to figure out sleeping arrangements for our little one. In our room in a pack and play at first? In the crib with a mattress on the floor so I can sleep in his room (thinking this may be a good one to start with...?). Try not to stress about it, but thinking about having him home probably helps.
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