He is Enough

Lonliness comes

But so does Your presence

Battles come

But so does Your strength

Doubt overwhelms

But it's crushed by Your power

Fear surrounds

But it's calmed by Your peace

You are enough to satisfy

You are my shelter in the storm

You are faithful

And You hear my cry

Oh, Lord I trust in You

Oh, Lord I trust in You!

These are words of a song I wrote back in 2003, and I've been thinking about them a lot lately. As I stand on the edge, about to jump into this new adventure called 'motherhood', I must admit that there is a certain amount of fear that comes along with it. Changes, uncertainty, expectations, unknowns...the same thing everyone faces when entering parenthood, I know...but this time it is ME entering parenthood! As I have struggled with these fears, I have been reminded once again that the Lord is enough. He is stronger than my weakness, bigger than my questions, and can bring peace even to this anxious heart. I'm thankful for this time in my life that reminds me once again of my need for God, and I take a deep breath and remember once again that I trust in Him.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield;

My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped."

Psalm 28:7

Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

More news on the adoption front today - Matthew has EP (Emigration Permit) as of August 3rd! This is one of the things that has to happen in Korea, so we are happy to know it has happened already. Come home, sweet baby!

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I have not been running at all this week and have been stretching and icing the knee as much as possible. I tried to make an appointment with the sports doctor I saw last year, but he had the gall to move out of state without letting me know. Imagine! Now I have to see a new doctor, which meant a referral from my family doctor, which means I can't get in to see him until Sept. 14th. Like I can wait until then to go running again - HA!

So tonight I went out sporting two knee braces and managed to do 50 minutes. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was easy. I never imagined I would ever be able to say that. Afterwards my right knee (which is more painful) was swollen but after stretching and icing I feel great! So maybe if I keep up that routine I can hang in there for a few more weeks...

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Change is a-coming for my little sister, Sarah! She will be moving here in one week to start college. I can't wait to have her nearby!!!

The Process Keeps Moving...

It seems like, as we get near the end of this adoption process, I am more and more desperate for any update or word of any progress at all! Today we got some good news!

After receiving our I-600 approval, it was sent (by USCIS) to the NVC (National Visa Center) which is here in the States.

So today I called to find out if we had been "logged in" yet...and found out we are logged in AND were logged out today! That means our adoption paperwork was received (logged in) and checked over by the NVC (National Visa Center) and then was sent to the US embassy in Seoul, South Korea (logged out).

From what I can gather (it gets kind of confusing to me at this point) we are now waiting for the embassy to send a packet of paperwork (called "P3") to our Korean agency. The length of time it takes for the agency to complete the P3 is unknown and could take anywhere between a few weeks to a few months. There is also something else called "EP" (Emigration Permit) that Matthew has to have, but it seems to me that he may get that at any point along the way and it does not have to happen in order. I'm not sure if I'm right about that though!

I do not know if we will hear any updates from now until our travel call...torture, pure torture!

Please pray with us that things in Korea go quickly and Matthew is home soon!

I Made It!

Around 4pm yesterday I finally dragged my behind off the couch and headed out for my run. I am so glad that I did! It was an amazing run, possibly the best ever, and I made it through all 8 miles! That once seemed so impossible, but now I have completed it.

As I started out, I thought for sure I was in for a rough time. About 3 minutes into the run the battery on my mp3 player died. Oh dear. I knew that meant I had over 1 1/2 hours by myself to think. What was I going to think about for that long?

Well, I'll spare you the play by play of all that went through my head, but I will say that I did a lot of praying and a lot of reflecting on all that the Lord has done in my life. The blessings He has given are so abundant that sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by His goodness. His faithfulness and constant care for me, His forgiveness and patience with me...I so often take these things for granted. It was good to just have that time to think. I'm so glad my battery died :)

I'm having a hard time with my knees and had a lot of pain towards the end of my run, which is a bit worrying. I haven't ever done this before (obviously!) so I'm not sure if I should just "run through it" or what. I'm icing them and stretching but feeling a lot of ouch today still. Any and all suggestions are welcome!!!

Some Great Summer Deals!

In an effort to take my mind off the adoption for five minutes I thought I would share a few of my hot buys from the summer so far! I have been hitting a lot of garage sales this year and have found a ton of great deals.

I found this Noah's Ark lamp for just $2.00 which goes perfectly with Matthew's room! In all fairness, I did have to buy a lampshade and bulb for it, but still...!

A jacket that makes me really wish it was not still hot and humid...$3.00 (please notice that Brad could not stand the idea of not being in the picture with me...and had to sneak in his foot!)

Two sweaters that I just love...25 cents each! I can't wait for fall!

Some outdoor toys for Matthew for $5.00.

I love that our house is starting to fill up with kid stuff :)

Four books by one of my favorite authors for $2.65! I am working my way through the first one and loving it.

Good summer reading :)

Today I am trying to get up the energy (physically and mentally) to go for my 8 mile run...having some trouble getting going for some reason. But I am going to do it! And it will be good. It is a beautiful 65 degrees here today - perfect for a long run! Hopefully I will live to blog about it :)

Last night I started our adoption scrapbook. I am so excited to share some of those pages soon!

Happy Saturday!

USCIS Gives Us Their Approval!

Today marks two months...61 days...1464 hours...since we were matched with Matthew!

But really, who's counting?

And as if that weren't enough good news for today, we received our I-600 approval from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) in the mail this afternoon!!!! Actually, it was dated August 13th, and only took them 10 days to process. If you have ever had to do any kind of paperwork with the government, you know this is pretty amazing!

When we received our referral, we were told that the wait until our travel call would be 3-6 months. From my obsessive frequent checking of the forums, it seems that 3-4 is the average.

Did I mention that we are now at 2 months????

Let's do some math...that means that it could be only one or two more months until Matthew is here! Four to eight weeks. I am screaming on the inside (a good excited scream this time, not a scream of terror!)

Of course I have to put my adoption disclaimer: with all international adoptions there is the possibility that it could take way longer than we think and everything under the sun could go wrong.

But we're praying for a smooth ride the rest of the way and hoping the days pass quickly!

My Newest Addiction

Ever since I have been introduced to the adoption forums, I must say I am a little bit addicted! Our agency has one, and I also like to check Holt International's as they place a lot of children from Korea.

In case you are just like I was a few short months ago and have no idea what a forum is, let me explain. Basically, it is a place where people get together online and talk about a topic. In this case, adoption. More specifically, I like the Korea boards (go figure!). People share about how their adoption process is going, who has received their travel calls, pictures of their little ones, questions they have, vent their frustrations, all that good stuff. I'm not sure if it makes the waiting better, or worse! But I can't seem to stop checking!

Mostly I just lurk. You know, cause I'm kind of nosy like that and I enjoy listening in on other people's conversations without them knowing about it :) Once in a while I post...mostly I lurk.

So THEN a little while later I discovered a running forum at RunnersWorld.com! This is a great outlet for me because, let's face it, my family can only take so much talk about my new water belt (it's super cool!) or what flavor of Gu I am trying out this week (strawberry banana) or how my pace was really strong yesterday. Yep, people in my real life get a little sick of talking about that stuff! So the running forum is a great place to get all my "running talk" out of my system.

(Except I do have to tell you that I have to run 8 miles on Saturday! Yikes! I am slightly freaked out about that!)

How about you - anyone enjoying any other forums that I need to know about???

Showered With Love

Yesterday afternoon was my first baby shower! It was so much fun and my mother-in-law, two sister-in-laws, mom, and sister did so much work making it wonderful. The food was amazing and we got so many lovely gifts...it was really overwhelming (can you tell from the picture that I was a little excited???)

The theme was Noah's Ark and my amazing sister-in-law Karen made this ark out of water melon and a beautiful cake...and although she insists anyone could do it, I think it was pretty incredible and was a very special treat.

My mom-in-law and two sister-in-laws...they're the best!

My sister Joanna...also the best! (I would like to add that I wish I had a nice picture of my mom and other sister Sarah but unfortunately they were not too cooperative and I have some very silly ones that I could post...but my mom would probably disown me!)

Some of my dear friends, Wendi, Kristy, and Rachel (yep, you guessed it - the best as well!)

This was such a big day for me because all through the years of trying to get pregnant, and then during the loooonnnnnggg wait for a referral, I knew that when (if!) we ever made it to the baby shower, that would mean that there really was a baby on the way! It is amazing to me that Matthew really is on the way. I think of him so often, stare at his picture all the time and dream of all the things we will do together, what I can teach him...what he can teach me. I want him here so badly!! And hopefully it won't be long now!!!

Thank you to everyone who made Sunday such a special day for me! We couldn't have survived this journey without you!!!!

You Will NOT Want to Miss This Post!!!!!

So I just finished the last post, feeling all down and longing for my baby boy...it's about 11pm and for some reason I decided to check my email before heading to bed. When it opened, I *GASPED* as I realized that we had been sent a new picture of our beautiful boy! I honestly had been praying this week that we would get one soon...and here it is! Thank you, Lord!!!!

Isn't he so STINKING ADORABLE??? I seriously want to reach right into the picture and pick him up and squeeze him right now! And doesn't he look so different from the last picture we have? I can't believe how much he has changed!

In the picture we received he is sitting on his foster mother's lap...this is so special to me as we were hoping so much that we'd get to meet her, but now we know we will not (at least not right now - hopefully someday!). It is amazing to see the woman who is caring for Matthew.

This picture was taken just three days ago! Also in the picture is all of the stuff we sent in the care package! What an amazing gift for us to be able to see him with his foster mother, to see how much he has changed, to see that he is okay...the heartache is better and worse all at the same time now!!! I am so totally in love. How in the world am I supposed to sleep now??!?!?!

In a Nutshell

This week in a nutshell:

• We found Buddy a permanent home! After a few days we realized that I was quite allergic to the little guy, and also that two dogs are a whole lot of work...and we weren't sure that was a good idea with another little guy on the way! A family from our church is looking forward to adding "Pete" (as he will now be called) to their family. Daisie will surely miss her friend, but hopefully they can still hang out sometimes :)

• We are busy getting ready for RACE WEEKEND!!! Our friends Sue and Stan arrive tomorrow night to spend the weekend with us. Brad and Stan along with several other guys will be heading to a Nascar Race on Sunday. Sue and I will NOT be heading to the race...and we won't be talking about the race, watching the race, wondering how the race is going, thinking about the race...you get the picture! We can't wait to spend some time with our friends.

• This week is a cutback week in training so I don't have a very long run this Saturday. I have done two 50 minute runs (which is about 4.5 miles for me) - the first was one of the best runs I've had in months, and the second one (today) was one of the WORST I've had in months! Go figure! It was hot and humid and boy was I cranky by the end of it!

• On Sunday my family and family-in-law are throwing me a baby shower! I am so very excited and I cannot believe it is here already!

• I miss Matthew. That sounds so weird since I haven't even met him yet, but I am just aching for him this week. Sad, so sad that he is not with me yet. Wanting him desperately and feeling like the days are crawling by. Knowing in my head it is not much longer...wondering in my heart how I am going to make it through the next couple of months!

• Ready for Fall to be here already :)

• Unable to think of any more bullet points!

Guess What I Did This Morning???

This morning I did two things I have never done before in my life:

1. I got up at 6am to go running.

2. I ran 7 miles!

Feeling good :)

A Change in Plans

I never have been good with change. This summer while on vacation, I visited with an old college friend, and we laughed as we read a letter I wrote to her almost exactly 10 years ago. I was going on about how much I hated change...and I snickered and made a comment about how that is still so true. I like new things...but change is hard!

This week has been hard. Brad and I have had to make the difficult decision not to travel to Korea to bring Matthew home. There are a number of reasons, and when it comes down to it we know that having him escorted is just the best and wisest option for our family right now.

I have found this decision extremely hard to accept. I was so looking forward to traveling, and to be honest I was deeply disappointed to realize I would not be able to see where Matthew was born. I have been sad and angry that it has not worked out for us to travel. I have been wrestling with the Lord about my feelings on this, so desperate to have His peace about the whole thing and yet struggling with surrendering.

The Lord is so good and compassionate, and He knows my needs so deeply. He sent along just the right person to talk with me about this yesterday who could remind me in just the right way that He is a God who can be trusted, about the big things and about the small things. He is a good and faithful God who knows what is best, and though I cannot understand why things had to work out this way, I can still trust in Him and know that He is loving and kind.

So, I am at peace in my heart with the fact that I will now meet my sweet Matthew here:

Instead of here:

And besides, once I see that gorgeous face, am I really going to care where I am??? I think not! Come home, sweet boy...mommy is waiting!!!!

A New Little Buddy

On Wednesday, Brad called me to say that his brother had found a little dog in the park where he works. Brad was calling to ask if we wanted it. We have talked about getting a little friend for Daisie, but have never followed through. I wasn't convinced...until I went and met the little guy! He is so sweet! He's a long-haired miniature daushand, he is well-trained and very obedient, and gets along really well with Daisie. We are keeping him for now and still looking for his family, because I know if I lost Daisie I would be very sad. If we don't find them...I'm not sure what the plan is! We will have to see if "Little Buddy" as we have been calling him (since we've been afraid to name him in case his family comes for him soon) will stay with us.

When the Man on a Bike is Actually a Knight on a White Horse

Last night when I set out for my 50 minute run, I was not feeling too optimistic. I was tired, grouchy, and didn't want to go. It was after 8pm already and I didn't know if I'd make it back before dark, which made me nervous (I hope my mom isn't reading this!). But I set out anyway, just around the neighborhood, and trudged along to my music trying to convince myself not to stop.

About 40 minutes in to the run, I was really ready to quit. I was heading up a hill, hot, and even more tired. Then suddenly, he appeared beside me on his bike! My dear husband came looking for me, riding all around our neighborhood until he found me. He encouraged me and helped me make it through the last 10 minutes.

You know, so often I buy into the lie that love is all about flowers and candy and romantic dinners. Not that any of those things are bad, but sometimes I get caught up in thinking that only the "romantic" gestures count in showing me how much Brad loves me. Tonight I was reminded by this caring act, something that might seem like nothing to some people but meant the world to me, what love really looks like. It looks like a tired husband coming out to make sure I was safe and to encourage me in doing something I really want to do.

And I tell you what, I felt more loved than if he had bought me 10 dozen roses :)

This Week's Training

I like to do things that I never thought I could do. It's a pretty great feeling. I woke up nervous this morning, knowing that my 6 mile run was on the calendar. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it...but I did! My longest run ever! It was pretty hard, though, and I said to my sister afterwards, "Wow, I can't believe that is not even halfway to the distance I'll need to run for the 1/2 marathon!" That's a scary thought!

Today I finished my sixth week of training - with two 40 minute runs (about 3.5 miles each), one day of rollerblading, and today's run, I'm feeling pretty worn out. Worn out, but happy :)

Bring on week seven!