Random Thoughts

I've started a pile of stuff to pack for China!  It's overwhelming to even think about.

The boys will not be coming with us (food allergies...and let's be honest, I can't imagine the two of them on a plane with us for like 14 or more hours...).  So I will have to be away from them for two weeks :(  That will be hard.  But not as hard as taking them with us!

We will probably leave on a Thursday or Friday and I believe we arrive on Saturday or Sunday...then we meet Hannah on Monday!  We will have the rest of the time with her to tour around, do lots of paperwork, attend appointments, and get to know her before heading home.  I really can't wait!

These are busy days with two little ones and I know its only going to get busier.  I feel like we are settled into our new "normal" level of busyness and I wonder how the adjustment to three is going to be.  Some days I'm nervous; most of the time I am just so excited I could burst!

In the middle of busy times, we are enjoying some great family time.  The boys are at such fun ages.  I love a few moments to sit and snuggle my boys!

Am I the only parent who finds winter really tiring?  I sometimes feel like by the time we get everything ready to go, and everyone gets their shoes, hats, coats, and all the stuff that just has to go with us and finally make it into the van...I'm ready for a nap!  I can only imagine what it will be like loading up three...

I'm really glad that the boys are getting more independent these days.  They walk everywhere now (well, Nathan still enjoys being carried now and then but it's getting less and less), they can put on their own coats and hats and boots...so that helps at least.  Everywhere I go, I just keep thinking to myself, "Now, what will I do when I have Hannah, too?".  Not in a freaked out way (mostly), just in a practical I-wonder-how-this-will-work kind of way.  I'm sure of two things:

1.  We will figure it out and it will be fine.
2.  I will be very, very tired!

Thankfully, living with two little boys has helped me get pretty used to that feeling!

Come on, January...I can't wait to see what you have in store for us!

A Few Christmas Highlights

It was a Christmas to be remembered, that's for sure!  Unfortunately, they were not all of the "warm and fluffy" kind of memories...I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that the stomach flu went through our whole family starting on Christmas day, and the rest of the week has been more of the same.  The worst seems to have passed now and I am trying to remember some of my favorite "Christmas Season" memories in hopes that they'll block out the Christmas Day ones!

Favorites...

Spending lots of time with family...love this one of Nathan fast asleep on my Dad :)

We had a slumber party before heading to my parent's house for Christmas.  We watched a movie, had some popcorn, then slept on a giant bed in the living room.  After everyone slept so well I kind of wondered if we should make this permanent!

The boys were sent some money from my Grandparents and I was able to add on to a free set of Geo*Trax we had been given (it only had one train, which made for lots of fights).  We got several more trains and a ton of track for just $20!  I was so excited, the boys L-O-V-E this set and play with it all the time.  The funniest part is that I built them a huge track that took up most of the living room, but every time I looked over they were sitting super close together playing and crashing their trains.  Boys!

Our one and only Christmas craft with a friend.  I'm kind of lame like that!  

One of my favorite things this season - enjoying our fireplace!  This is our first year with a mantel and I so enjoyed the extra lights and more room to decorate.

We spent a lot of the month of December in our pajamas!  This is my favorite picture of my little guy...who isn't really so little anymore!  Love him so much.

We had a lovely time getting a Christmas tree earlier in the month.  The boys loved the wagon ride to pick out our tree!  It was so much fun to see them laughing and bouncing along.

It certainly wasn't the Christmas we were hoping for, but honestly I can't complain one bit - we are so blessed!  It was a wonderful month of remembering Christ's birth, thinking about how and why we celebrate Christmas, and being with our families.  And...our last one as a family of FOUR!!!

Be Still My Heart!

Matthew dressed up in his little suit ready to be part of the children's Christmas program at church for the very first time.  Love my handsome little man!

Getting Closer!

On Friday we found out some wonderful news - our I800 has been approved!

Now, I know that doesn't really mean much to most people :)  So I thought I'd share about the *few* remaining steps in our adoption process.  I hope I get it right - this part is confusing to me and totally different than Korean adoption.

Our I800 was basically an application to immigration here in the US asking them if we can adopt Hannah.  Now that this is approved, we are almost finished with the US side of paperwork!

Hopefully in the next few days, our approval will be mailed to the National Visa Center (NVC), where our info is entered into their system.  Within 1-3 days, NVC will email our file to the US Embassy in China.  I will be emailing NVC later this week to hopefully be emailed a copy of the letter that shows that this file has been sent to China.  Once I have this letter, I will email it to our agency...then we are done with paperwork!

Still with me?

Phew!

When our agency receives this letter, they will forward it to their in-China representative.  This person will take the letter, along with some other paperwork, and drop it off at the consulate in China.  This is called our "Article 5".  These can only be dropped off on certain days.  It will be processed and picked up again exactly 2 weeks later.  Once it is picked up, we begin our wait for TA (Travel Approval!).  Our agency says this can take 4-6 weeks, but I have seen it happen more quickly...so that's what we're praying for!

Taking all this into account, I think that we will be starting our wait for TA sometime around the beginning of the year.  From there, I really don't know much!  There is a holiday in China in February that closes down government offices for a few weeks, and we may have to wait a couple of extra weeks because of that...but truthfully, what is a couple of weeks when we have waited almost a YEAR!  It will be so wonderful to be able to book flights and hotels, to know when we're going, to start to prep the boys...oh boy, oh boy!  We will be in China for 2 weeks, so this is no small trip to be packing for!

Getting closer every day...

So Far to Find Him

When I think about my love for Nathan, one word always comes to mind:

Fierce.

My love for him is fierce.  

I feel like we fought for it, we fought to get where we are.  Our bond, it didn't come easy.  It wasn't all butterflies and rainbows.  It was really, really hard work - for both of us.  It took this little guy a long time to trust me (understandably), and I found it really hard to bond with a child who would not let me in.  Those early days, they were rough in a way I can't even describe.  

But now...oh, how he has my heart!

I lie in bed next to him as he falls asleep each night, and I gaze at his sweet face an inch away from mine, and we smile.  And it's like we have this little secret, cause we both know it was hard to get here, but now that we're here, it's amazing.  Our love is so deep, so strong, I know it is unbreakable.  There is nothing I wouldn't do for this little boy.  He amazes me every single day, and I thank God for all we have been through together because it is what made us US, you know?  

I remember one night, early on after Nathan came home, sitting in the bedroom in the rocking chair with him.  I held him, but he would not relax in my arms.  He looked away, holding his own bottle.  A song I'd recently heard by Casting Crowns that had touched my heart came rushing out of me...

Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight?

I have come so far to find you,

So far to find you.

Will you take my love and give up the fight,

I have come so far to find you,

So far to find you.

It was a moment I will never forget.  I sang it over and over again, and he looked at me while I sang and melted in my arms...it was a defining moment for me, a beginning to our journey.

I can't imagine my life without Nathan.  He is such a part of me and I am just so, so thankful for the blessing of being his mom.

This Waiting Game

I was doing so well!  I wasn't counting days, and honestly the weeks were flying by.  I thought of Hannah all the time, but didn't feel that "crazy feeling" that I have felt during both of the last adoptions.

Until we got our LOA, of course :)

Now, I have been just trying to hold it together.  Obsessively checking my China facebook group.  Learning every tiny little thing I can about the process.  Calling immigration at 8am...and 8:10am...and 8:40am....until they finally open at 9am, to find out about our I-800 application.

And still, we wait.

We are getting so close, but this last little bit seems torturous!  It's really hard and strange and frustrating not having any idea what these next couple of months will hold.  Will we meet our girl in January?  Or will we end up waiting until the end of February or even March because of Chinese New Year (which shuts down all the government offices where adoptions are processed)?  I feel like screaming, "I JUST WANT TO KNOW!"

You know what, though?  I secretly love it.  What a great adventure to be on!  The anticipation each day, wondering if we'll get some more great news, making lists and starting to think about packing for THE TRIP WHERE I WILL MEET MY DAUGHTER!  As hard as the waiting is, I kind of love it.

Praying that tomorrow is the day for our I800 approval...but if it isn't, that means that it will be the next day...or the day after that....

...and one of these days, it will be THE day, and my sweet baby will be in my arms forever!!!!

In Which Matthew Turns Four and His Mommy Chokes Back Tears All Weekend

It keeps on happening - he just keeps getting older and bigger, no matter what I say!  Today our sweet boy turned four.  It made me pretty emotional to realize how big he is getting and what a big year this will be for him.  Don't get me wrong - I love this age, but the days just seem to fly by more and more quickly and part of me wants to just freeze time and keep him little forever.

My favorite thing about his birthday this year was how much he enjoyed it!  He understood so much more this year and loved helping with the party preparations.

This was the third year that Matthew had a train cake :)  This kid seriously loves trains.  I think this might be my favorite one so far.  He loved helping me with the wheels and the candy.  But then he wanted to eat it right away!

We were so blessed to have all of our families here for Matthew's party.  We had a full house and lots of fun! 

It's hard to put into words how much I love this little boy.  I can't imagine my life without him and I am so thankful to be his mom.

Matthew loved opening presents and it is lots of fun having new things to play with!

I know I'm biased, but I think Matthew is a simply amazing little guy.  He is so funny, so sweet, so smart, and I enjoy spending every day with him.  I love how he busts out singing all the time, how he throws his head back and laughs with all his might when things strike him as funny (all the time!), how he hugs me and tells me he loves me all day long.  I love how he has decided that Nathan really is his brother, and watching him grow into his big brother role has brought more joy than I ever imagined it could.  As hard as it is sometimes to realize he is growing up, I really can't wait to see what this year holds for him!  God truly has blessed us with our little man :)