I am SO Ready for March!

Tomorrow is the first day of March and I have never been more ready to see February come to a close! It has been a long and tiring month and I am very much looking forward to sunny skies and warmer weather...and hopefully no more trips to the ER or Urgent Care Stations.

Today we unfortunately had to visit the Urgent Care again as Matthew had a little accident. He fell and his mouth hit one of his toys. OUCH! Picture screaming, blood, and a mother on the verge of freaking out and that is what the scene was like here this afternoon. Thankfully he only cut that little flap of skin between his top teeth and his upper lip and it should heal on its own. The poor little guy has a fat lip and I just felt so bad for him this afternoon. I hope that March will be injury and sickness free!

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On a much brighter note...yesterday we got to go to a Korean Lunar New Year party and meet a bunch of new friends! It was so fun to see everyone, as well as all of the adorable children. It was funny to realize that I knew some of the people through their blogs (and they knew me!) or through forums. It was great to meet in real life!

The trip took about 1 hour 40 minutes. 20 minutes of it looked like this:

Aw, so happy with his bear blankie. Unfortunately the rest of the trip was less peaceful to say the least. Brad and I just had to laugh because we are going on a 14 hour car trip in a couple of months and we now think it may be the worst idea we've ever had :)

Once we arrived, things really picked up. Matthew ate and was much happier. He loved seeing all the other kids, and looked so handsome dressed in his hanbok.

So much cuteness in one room...!

Matthew surprised us yesterday by walking all over the place! He is usually kind of timid and cautious, still holding on to things a lot, but yesterday he was cruising all around the room. We were amazed and so proud of our boy!

The food was delicious and I was glad to have some Korean food again. I used to be so afraid to try new things but it turns out there are many Korean dishes I love. We had a wonderful time and were so glad we could get together with these families and make some new friends.

A Project and a Party

Staying at home can sometimes be a bit lonely, so I am very thankful to have several friends who also stay home with their kids. My friend Katie and I have a lot in common, such as little ones who are only a few days apart in age, and a love for knitting!

I have not worked on a knitting project since before Matthew came home - in fact, the last thing I knitted was a sweater for him! It was so neat to remember the times when I worked on it for him before I even knew who he was...and when I put it on him last month I kind of got emotional about it (I know, big surprise that I got emotional about something, right?!).

Since it was my first attempt at clothing, I was pretty proud of myself that it actually turned out looking like a sweater!

My friend Katie and I are now working on a project together (well, making one each!). Today she taught me how to use circular needles so that I won't have any seams to sew up. I am super excited about that! And hopefully at the end I will have something that looks like this (except green):

(And in case you were confused...that is not me!)

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I am very excited because tomorrow, Brad, Matthew and I are heading across the state to a Lunar New Year party with several families who have adopted from Korea. I cannot wait to meet all the little kiddos! From what I have read, it seems that the Lunar New Year is the most important holiday celebrated in Korea. It was actually celebrated in the middle of February this year, but our party is just a little late :) I am really looking forward to meeting more adoptive families and to see some old friends as well!

A Little Bit of Honesty

I had this happy, perky post going around in my head today, but...well, to be honest, I am just not feeling that perky. So that one will have to wait while I share a little bit about what is on my heart today.

I have always been a worrier. For as long as I can remember, I have worried and been anxious about anything and everything. This has been something I have struggled with my whole life - I remember as a little girl how I would get sick to my stomach at recess because I was so worried about having to go and play with friends. That is some hard core worrying!

The Lord has been dealing with me on this issue for a long time now. In some ways, I know I have gained victory in this area because I no longer get physically ill when I'm worried about stuff. But in other ways, I feel like I am just starting the journey.

About three days after Matthew came home, I experienced the deepest fear I think I have ever felt. I suddenly realized how completely in love with this little boy I was. I realized that if something happened to him...it would tear me apart. I realized that as much as I sometimes wish I was, I am not in control of everything in life. And that scared me. A lot. What if he gets sick? What if we are in an accident? What if someone takes him? What if....? And the list goes on, and on, and on.

I read on someone's blog once that it is even harder to trust the Lord with your child's life than with your own life. I think that is so true. This is what it comes down to - do I trust the Lord, even with this little one who I love so much?

I had just come to the conclusion that yes, I did trust Him and would let go of this fear...and then Matthew got sick. And then we found out about his allergies. To be honest, I have been struggling mightily these last few weeks. To know that something as stupid as a peanut could hurt him so badly, or even take him from me...it is frightening. To know that someone else might accidentally give him something with peanut or another nut in it makes my stomach go into knots. To know that I might accidentally do it...I don't even have words for that thought.

Now I know that there are many, many worse things we could be dealing with. I really do know that. In the big scheme of things, this is not the end of the world and I know that in time this will be our new "normal". As I work through it, though, it is scary. I am learning that I have to let go or I will drive myself crazy with worry. I have to decide if I truly believe what I say I believe. Do I really believe there is a God who is in control? Do I believe that He is good? Do I believe that no matter what happens, He will not leave me or abandon me? Yes, I do. My faith is being challenged, but in a good way I think. Growth is hard, but good. I have to trust Him.

Tonight Brad and I prayed for our sweet little Matthew. He is still struggling, and we don't know why. He continues to turn red on his face and arms almost every time he eats. Today it was worse than it has been and even Benadryl didn't seem to calm it down. It is obvious that he doesn't feel well. We don't know what to do...but we know the One who knows everything about our little guy, inside and out. We prayed for wisdom, and answers, and help. And we know that our God hears our prayers and will help us.

This verse has been on my heart a lot lately. Tonight I have peace because I know that my God can be trusted.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal."

Isaiah 26:3-4

Snow Fun

I am so glad that Matthew is feeling better and that we can finally leave the house! In the last two days I have been to the library, gone on an out-of-town trip with a friend to find "safe" foods for Matthew, gone for a walk, and been sledding! We have been having so much fun!

Yesterday was so beautiful and sunny, so we just had to get outside. It was still pretty cold here (I think it didn't quite reach 40 degrees) but the sun made it feel really nice. I bundled up the baby, got Daisie ready to go, and off we went! We went to visit my sister (also known as "Aunt Jojo") since she doesn't live too far from our house, but sadly she was not home :( We took a picture to show her that we did try to come and visit!

Yesterday evening we had pizza with friends and then got to go sledding at their house. We had a blast! I was a little nervous about how Matthew would do (since the last snow exposure was not too well received) but he was much happier this time. I think mostly he doesn't like being in his marshmallow suit :) He cried a little but seemed to enjoy himself, especially riding down the little hill on an inner tube with mommy or daddy!

The best part - he didn't take an afternoon nap yesterday and was so worn out from sledding that he slept from 8pm last night until 8:30am today! We are thankful to be sleeping again :)

So Long, Bottles!

Tonight as I cleaned up the kitchen, it caught my eye. The bottle rack dryer thingy that has been sitting beside the sink since Matthew arrived. Suddenly the realization hit me - it doesn't need to be there anymore. It is still sitting there, with all of the clean and dry bottles on it, and has been for weeks...but it doesn't need to be. My baby doesn't drink from a bottle anymore.

Now, I know this happens to all babies :) It just seems like it came so fast! At about 13 months we switched him over to milk during the day, but we kept his night bottle because it is such a bonding time for us.

And then he got sick. He wasn't eating, was throwing up a lot, and we took a few days off from the bottle. Then we found out he was allergic to soy (or so we thought) so we assumed giving him soy formula wouldn't be good. Suddenly, without us even really noticing, our little boy doesn't get bottles anymore. And I didn't even get to say good-bye!

I will miss this snuggle time so much. Even though we read books and snuggle in the chair before bed, it isn't the same. When he took his bottle, he would stare up into my eyes and touch my face with his hands...these were some of the most precious memories I have from when he first came home. I will miss that. Everyone says they grow up too fast...now I know that is the truth!

{Matthew's first bottle here at home...

and a very flattering picture of me! HA!

I think I was feeling a little tired!}

Wordless Wednesday {Fishy Lips}

Busy Day

We had a busy and very productive day around here! This morning was Matthew's appointment with the allergist...let me say that this little boy did very well considering the appointment took 1 1/2 hours and happened EXACTLY when he would normally be taking his morning nap! He really was an angel.

The doctor was very nice and we were able to get some more info about Matthew's allergies. He was not worried about the dog allergy (Daisie is breathing a sigh of relief tonight!), and he did the allergy skin test to see what kind of reaction Matthew had to the different foods. It didn't hurt at all, and basically they just put a bunch of different liquids on Matthew's back to see which would bump up (indicating a reaction). After a few minutes, it became clear that he does have a severe egg allergy and also a severe peanut allergy.

The good news of the day, however, is that he does NOT have a milk and soy allergy!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!! Apparently an allergy can show up on a blood test, but that does not necessarily mean you will have a reaction to the food when you eat it. The soy one showed up on the blood test because it is a similar protein to peanut. Matthew is still going to be off milk until the summer, because he has struggled with eczema, but then we can try introducing it slowly. I am so very happy about this!

The egg and the peanut allergies (actually he is allergic to all tree nuts) were what we expected so it wasn't really bad news. It is scary to realize that these things could make him very sick, and I feel sad that we were making him so sick by feeding him egg for the last couple of months (of course we didn't know, but I still feel bad). Thankfully now we can get him feeling better!

After the appointment, we came home and the three of us (Matthew, Daisie and I) had some lunch followed by a glorious two-hour nap. When Brad got home, we headed out to the store and got Matthew a much needed haircut. He did really well again (this was his second haircut) and it was so neat to see how much he has changed since the last haircut in November. Last time he sat so still, didn't make a sound, didn't move...tonight he was smiling and looking around...it is so good to see how much more secure he seems these days.

We came home, had dinner, played a rousing game of "peek-a-boo", enjoyed some crazy giggling, and then Matthew went to bed without a peep :)

Now I am off to watch American Idol and clean the bedroom. It was a good day!

Just What I Needed

After a long and exhausting week, I definitely needed this! We had a wonderful weekend with friends, I got to leave the house (thanks to my sister and mother-in-law for taking turns baby-sitting!), and the stress really melted away as I spent time with people I just love being with.

I totally needed to pig out at Outback on some ribs and french fries...

...with our dear friends and their girlies...

...and our fabulous friends Stan and Sue who came all the way

from Canada just to cheer me up! Well, actually they came for the

annual Nascar party...but they did cheer me up! Thanks for keeping me laughing all weekend, guys :)

And of course it was wonderful to celebrate Valentine's Day

with my one true love. This man...there just aren't words

to say how great he is. I love you, babe! Thanks for putting

up with a crazy wife :) There's no one else I'd rather share

this adventure with!

The weekend was also wonderful because this little boy is feeling so good! He is smiling and laughing all the time now, his skin has cleared up completely and is so soft I can hardly believe it. I just think he must be feeling so much better now that all those things that make him feel sick aren't being fed to him anymore :)

We head to the allergist tomorrow morning for a full evaluation and hopefully to get more info about how severe these allergies really are. The totally overwhelmed feeling is starting to pass...we can do this! It is so worth it to see my baby feeling better, that's for sure. And so...I will learn to cook!

New Challenges

We are so very thankful that our smiley little boy is back! Matthew has improved so much these last couple of days and has returned to his happy self :) He is back to playing, walking, and getting into things he shouldn't....and we are so glad to see this!

Yesterday was an interesting day as we found out some pretty big news that has the potential of changing our life in a very big way. The pharmacy called and said that Matthew's prescription wouldn't be ready until today. We have been practically living at the doctor's office and pharmacy this last week, so I wondered if there was a prescription I had forgotten about. When I asked about it, the lady said it was for an EpiPen Jr. I didn't know anything about this so I told her she probably had the wrong Matthew...but after checking the DOB and our address, she confirmed it was for him. Strange...

And then it hit me. Matthew had a blood test done last week to check for allergies when he had that crazy rash.

Oh boy.

I called the doctor and found out that he does indeed have several allergies. Apparently he is highly allergic to egg whites and peanuts, and less allergic to milk, soy, and dogs.

Wow, that was a lot to take in.

Yesterday I felt pretty overwhelmed by this news. I mean, what am I supposed to feed him?? I started looking at labels, which sent me to tears as I realized what a drastic change this will be for us. The fears rolled over me as I realized that there will be times when what he is fed will be out of my control...what if something happens to him? It was a day of processing and letting it sink in.

Matthew was up several times in the night (because on top of everything else, this poor boy is getting another tooth!) and every time I woke up, my first thought was, "My son has a bad peanut allergy". I don't know why, I guess it was on my mind a lot!

Today I am taking a deep breath, turning my fears over to the Lord, and starting the process of educating myself about what this means for our family. I am thankful to know about it, and hopefully now we can keep Matthew's asthma more under control as well. We see an allergy specialist next week and I am looking forward to getting more info.

So that's where we're at right now...a new adventure lies ahead!

When I Said I Wanted To Get Out of the House...This is NOT What I Meant!

What a crazy few days we have had! After finding out on Sunday that Matthew had pneumonia, he continued to get worse despite being on tons of medications that were supposed to help. On Monday we found out he has RSV, a virus that children can get that is made much worse by asthma (which Matthew has). He sounded terrible yesterday morning, and after a quick trip to our pediatrician, we were sent to the ER. It was quite a scary thing to hear how much he was struggling to breathe. At the ER he was given a breathing treatment and an IV (poor baby) and admitted for the night.

There had been talk of transferring him to a larger hospital about an hour away but he started to improve and so was able to stay here in town. We were so thankful to see him start to get better and perk up a little. He had been so lethargic and spacey, and we loved seeing the smile return to his face (even if it was just a little).

The rest of the day yesterday was spent doing breathing treatments

Taking naps (him, not us unfortunately!)

And reading books

We were so thankful to have friends and family who visited us and helped us get what we needed so that Brad and I could both stay with Matthew.

Nighttime was...rough. Matthew continued to breathe more easily, which was wonderful. The nurses were so kind and caring, but unfortunately (and fortunately I guess) they had to keep coming in to check on him and give him meds and breathing treatments. Matthew started out the evening in the crib...

..but after waking up and freaking out a little he spent the rest of the night sleeping on mommy and daddy in the extra bed in the room. We were so, so thankful that we had a room to ourselves. We couldn't imagine how hard it would have been if we'd had to try to get him to sleep with another family and sick child there.

Whoever wasn't holding Matthew at the time got to sleep on this very fancy and oh so uncomfortable fold out bed :) It turns out though at 4am you really will sleep anywhere!

This morning our pediatrician came to check on Matthew and found that he was doing so much better. We were seriously excited to hear that he was being discharged!

We are so glad the last couple of days are over at last. It was scary to see our little one in so much pain and discomfort. He is now on the mend and hopefully will be back to 100% in the next couple of weeks. We are praising the Lord for His help and comfort, and for answering the prayers of many people for this special little boy. We are so glad he is feeling better!

Sunday Update: How Do You Spell "Pneumonia"?

I haven't had much to blog about the last few days because we really haven't left the house or done anything! We have been hanging out at home and at the doctor's office, trying to get our poor little guy feeling better. It's been a rough week for him :( We haven't seen many smiles around here lately. I think this is a smile...but I'm not sure!

After coming down with this rash that left him looking just awful starting last Tuesday, he got progressively worse and today I ended up taking him to a Med Station kind of place to see a doctor because his breathing was labored and he was sounding so awful. Turns out he has pneumonia, not a bad case though thankfully. He is on 7 medications, and has had some blood work done to find out if it is an allergy or virus. We're also waiting to hear back if he has RSV (a type of virus I guess).

It is so hard to feel so helpless, and to not know what to do. I am so very thankful for my mom and mom-in-law who are always there to help me and support me...what would I do without them???

In the meantime, while Matthew is recovering, he's been doing a ton of this:

He is walking more and more (he's still pretty cautious and doesn't like to leave the couch without encouragement, but he's getting there!).

I just love this little boy so much and it has been hard to see him so miserable. I am hopeful that this week will be MUCH better and soon he will be back to his smiley self again.

Germs, Germs, Go Away!

I think at the last germ convention, a flyer was passed around with our address and Matthew's picture on it, along with the instructions, "Get him!" Our poor little boy has come down with yet another sickness, and this one has left him looking and feeling pretty miserable. He has had a rash for the last two days on his face, arms, and legs, and it only seems to be getting worse. We are heading back to the doctor this afternoon in hopes of getting some relief for him. I just feel so bad for him...

Daisie is doing her best to cheer him up...or maybe she's just trying to make sure he knows she's the Queen of the Castle...!

Hopefully our little man will soon be on the mend and these days of sickness will be OVER for a little while at least!!!!!!

Wordless Wednesday {14 Months}

The Middle of the Night

Even before he lets out a cry, I know it is coming. Something about the way he breathes or moves wakes me up, and I roll over waiting for that inevitable sound that stirs my heart in a way I have never experienced before. Even though for years, the sound of the dog whining has failed to rouse me to consciousness, the sound of my baby has a very strong power. And so I wait, and I listen.

He has different kinds of cries, and I learned pretty early on what some of them mean. He has an "I'm wet!" cry, he has an "I'm just rolling over but don't worry, I'll be asleep again in a minute!" cry, and then he has his "Oh mama I just need you right now!" cry. That one pierces my heart with such force that even though I love my sleep, I manage to stumble out of bed to draw him into my arms, offering comfort and words of love. I'm not sure what brings on this cry - could it be his teeth? or a nightmare? or is he still grieving? It is hard to know what causes it, but one thing is sure - he needs me, and it is my greatest joy to be able to take care of him and comfort him.

I thought the nighttime stuff would be hard, and truth be told, sometimes it is. So hard. Sometimes Brad comes out to the living room after Matthew has been crying and crying, and he finds that his wife is crying too! It is hard to be so tired, and to not be able to fix whatever is upsetting your baby.

But sometimes...sometimes holding my baby in the middle of the night is the most amazing and fulfilling thing I have ever done. Sometimes my heart leaps when I hear him wake up, because I get to see him again, if only for a few moments (usually I hope it is only for a few moments!).

I creep into his room, speak his name, rub his back and tell him that mama is here, and it will be okay, and I love him. And he lifts up his head, and reaches for me, and I hold him to my chest and whisper secrets to him about how precious he is. He wraps his little arms around my shoulders, sometimes patting me on the back as though he were comforting me, and slowly his cries ease and his tears stop. Sometimes he is ready to go back in his crib, but sometimes I'm not ready for him to go back just yet! So we snuggle in the chair, wrapped up in a blanket, and we rock and hold on to each other until his breathing changes and his body relaxes and I know that he is once again asleep. I stroke his hair, and breathe in deeply to smell the wonderful baby scents that are so strong at night. I think about how I used to long for this moment, and I thank God that the waiting is over and my sweet boy is in my arms at last.

I know these moments won't last forever, and one day he won't need me to hold him in the night. But for now he does, and I am so thankful to be the one holding him.

Even if it is the middle of the night!