The Soundtrack of My Life

I've been reflecting lately on the different seasons of life I have walked through over the last 15 years.  Times of joy, times of excitement, times of sorrow, times of grief, times of uncertainty...so many seasons.  When I look back on my life, I am often reminded of the songs that go with each season.  My life seems to have a soundtrack...songs that are connected with seasons.

A rough break-up....If You Want Me To (Ginny Owens)

Infertility...He's Always Been Faithful (Sara Groves), Yet I Will Praise (Vineyard), Praise You in the Storm (Casting Crowns)

Our first adoption journey...In the Waiting (FFH)

Home with Nathan...Worth it All (Rita Springer), So Far to Find You (Casting Crowns)

Waiting for Hannah...For a Thousand Years (Christina Perri)

Those are just a few that come to mind....there are so many more.  I have been reflecting a lot this week on the last year.  We made a choice last summer to bring home another little one, and it has changed me.  I have wrestled a lot over the last year with the "what if's" of Olivia's health.

What if there is more to her health condition than we know?

What if she really does have a brain tumor?

We said yes to bringing her home knowing this is a possibility.  We are not crazy, and we are not saints...we are simply trying to walk in obedience to God in this and we believe she is a treasure!  But I would be lying if I said I have not struggled a lot wondering what we will do or what it would do to our family...there were a couple of months where I laid awake at night unable to shut my mind off, and found myself waking up at 3am to stare at the wall for hours.

As the days went on, a new soundtrack started to play.

The Rock Won't Move (Vertical Church)

I Will Follow (Vertical Church)

None But Jesus (Hillsong)

Sovereign Over Us (Aaron Keyes)

Trust You, Jesus (Aaron Keyes)

Call on the Name (Vertical Church)

Cast My Cares (Tim Timmons)

These are the songs that play as I wash dishes and look out the window at my kiddos playing in the backyard.  They are the songs that play as I turn over in my mind the "what if's".  They are the songs that play as I chop vegetables and remember His faithfulness.

As the days went on, the new soundtrack impressed itself on my heart and the Word of God embedded itself deeply in my heart.  This is what I know:  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Heb 13:8).  He won't change, no matter what comes in our lives.  I know who He is and I know He is enough.

I sleep well at night now.  These days, I drift off without worrying.  The anxiety is gone, the fear has lost its grip, and now all I think is how strange it is that I don't worry about it.  It's a pretty big thing...it would be normal to worry!  But I'm learning that I don't need to worry even about the things that seem like they need worrying about!

I am working on packing, and two weeks from today I will meet a little girl who will be my daughter forever.  I can't seem to wrap my head around that.  She is loved....but we are strangers to her.  Although I can't wait to meet her, my heart aches for what is ahead for her.  People think, "Oh, she's little, she'll get over it, she doesn't really know."  But I know better.  I have heard the cries of little ones who have lost everything, and my heart aches because I know how hard this will be for her.  Now my prayers turn from all my concerns and I pray for God to comfort and prepare and help our little one.  He is faithful...in all things He is faithful.

The Finish Line

We are so close!  The finish line is in sight and this week we will know the day when this sweet girl will be placed in our arms forever!

Earlier this week our paperwork was finished up and our agency let us know we were waiting for our travel approval.  They expected it would be 1-2 weeks (I have even see people wait 3 weeks recently) so you can imagine my shock on Friday morning at 6:30am when I checked my email (as every crazy adoptive mother does!) and found that we had received travel approval from China in just two days!  We can go and get our girl!!!

Tomorrow we should find out when our consulate appointment (CA) has been scheduled and then we can book our flights!  We hope to be leaving in just over two weeks but it may be three if the consulate appointments are booked.  We gave our top 5 dates for CA and will hear soon when our appointment is.  It will be so good just to know!

In other news...

Let's see.

Nope, this has been pretty consuming!

Well, I had an x-ray on Friday to check if I have a stress fracture in my left foot (last time was my right).  Sigh.  I have been having pain for months and finally got around to asking the doctor about it.  I'm so frustrated with not being able to run or walk even without pain.

Hannah is over the moon excited to be going with us to China.  We are....ahem...how shall we say a little nervous to be taking her with us!  We believe it is the best choice for our family but we know that does not mean it will be easy necessarily.  We are praying she does really well with all the traveling, being away from home, time changes, meeting a new sister....what an adventure this will be!

The boys are doing really well with the thought of us being away.  We talk about it a lot, they remember when we went to get Hannah, we all know we will be sad to be apart, but we also know it will be okay and in the end we'll be all back together again.  I'm so thankful that my parents are able to stay with the boys while we are gone.  I think they will have a blast!

Matthew lost his first tooth ever yesterday!  It was a very exciting time at our house :)  He is growing up so quickly.  

We have lots and lots to do but I feel surprisingly calm.  I am praying that I can be present with the kids these last few weeks even though there is so much to do.  Everything is about to change again and I treasure this time as we count down the days to adding another precious treasure to our family!