Then and Now: Thoughts on Adoption

It sometimes seems like a lifetime ago that we started this adoption! Sometimes I can't remember what it was like to not be waiting. It is funny to think that just a couple of years ago, I didn't know that I was soon to be a momma to a little boy named Matthew from South Korea :) I didn't know it, but God knew.

Every once in a while I like to read back through my journal and remember all that we've been through in this process. I tend to mostly write in it when I'm upset, so a lot of it was written during the most painful parts of the journey. I spent a lot of time writing when we were first thinking about adopting. We had decided we were done with infertility treatments, I was an emotional wreck, I wanted a baby more than anything, and here we were with the amazing but also kind of scary possibility of adoption in front of us.

It is almost humorous to read some of the things I wrote at that time, knowing what I know now. At the time, I wondered if I would be able to love a child I did not give birth to. That one makes me laugh just typing it - with tears in my eyes at I look at the face of my little one and ache to hold him. Now I know the answer - yes, I can most definitely love a child I did not give birth to, with a love so deep it takes my breath away.

We wondered how our families would feel about adoption, and about our having a child who did not look like us. We both have wonderful, loving families, but we had never really talked about the possibility of adoption with them, so we really just didn't know how they would feel. I smile again as I type that one, because our families have overwhelmed us with their support and love throughout the entire process. They already love our little boy, and he is part of our family. They have left no room for doubt about how much they love Matthew - and us.

We used to wonder a lot how we would handle questions from strangers about our family. Actually, we used to worry a lot about this. Obviously we haven't had to deal with this yet, but although we still talk about it, we don't really worry about it anymore. It turns out a lot of these things have a way of working themselves out, so we'll deal with that when the time comes.

Adoption was a pretty huge and scary thing when we started. Now, it is a part of our story - a part of who we are. I am so thankful for every step along the way, and that we are loved by a God who has patiently taken us by the hand and led us through some tough times and who is now showing us the amazing ending that He knew was there all along. He is so good!

All Kinds of Feelings

Ever since we have been matched with Matthew, I have been feeling so many different emotions.

Total and complete joy, knowing that he is going to be our son!

Thankfulness to God that He has given us a child!

Amazement at how strong my love for Matthew already is.

Peace in knowing that my time to be a mommy is almost here.

At first I felt so overwhelmed that it was hard to take in the reality of it all. To realize that it was actually happening and that Matthew would really be coming home. In the last couple of weeks though, it has started to sink in! And the more it sinks in, the more I want him here with me - NOW!

I hear a song on the radio sometimes that is not at all about adoption...but the chorus seems to fit exactly how I feel about this adoption wait right now:

"I just want to be with you,

just want this waiting to be over

I just want to be with you,

and it helps to know the day is getting closer.

Every minute takes an hour,

every inch feels like a mile,

Till I won't have to imagine

and I'll finally get to see you smile."

How great will that be - when I finally get to see him smile?!?! :)

Until then, I am trying to stay busy busy busy getting ready for him! We are excited to go and register this week, and to do some more work on the nursery. And hopefully, in just a few short months...this waiting will be over!

More Sweet Baby Pics!

Two pictures from when our sweet little boy was born:

I absolutely love this picture! When we went to sign our acceptance paperwork, our social worker had an 8 x 10 of this printed out, and she casually got it out of the folder and said, "And you got this picture, right?" But we hadn't! I think I ripped it out of her hands, and then I proceeded to stare at it for the rest of the time we were signing paperwork! It was quite distracting, and I actually wrote my address down incorrectly at one point. He is just too cute for words!

Check Out My Baby!!!

I am so happy to finally be able to show you pictures of our beautiful little boy, Matthew!

Yep, I'm in love!

We think this picture was taken when he was about 5 months old. I have a couple of pictures that were taken when he was born...but those will wait for another post :) I love his cheeks, and every time I look at this picture (which is often!) I dream of the day when I will be able to kiss them any time I want. Hopefully it will not be long!!!!

We are having a great vacation! We heard from our social worker yesterday that all of our paperwork had been received (yay!) and our I-600 has been filed! Apparently the next step is to wait for this to be approved. Come on, progress...we want our baby home!!!!!!!!

That Special Day

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry but I totally forgot to ask our social worker today if it is okay for me to put Matthew's picture on the blog...I emailed her when I got home and I hope that tomorrow will be the day!

Let me also share some amazing news about something that God has done (because really there is no other explanation for it!). The first step in the process after we officially accept the referral is called "Legals". I don't know much about this, but I know that it is something we need to wait for from Korea. Or at least, that is usually how it works. Today when we met with our social worker, she informed us that she had good news - they already have our legals!!!!! The first step is complete! When I asked "How?" and "Why?" she responded that she really didn't know, and that in her 13 years of working with the adoption agency she had never seen this happen. Wow, okay then!

So what is next? Well, mad paperwork is next! We have a whole stack of forms and things to complete by Friday because on Saturday we are heading on vacation for a week! The day after we get back from vacation we are updating our homestudy...which stresses me out a bit (I'm not sure about you, but my house is not that clean when I just get back from vacation!!!). Thankfully, one look at Matthew's picture and the stresses just melt away and I realize I CAN DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET MY BABY HOME!!!!!

I thought since I couldn't yet share pictures of my beautiful little man, I would share a few pictures from that amazing day. First a little background info. Brad and I knew that being matched last Friday was a possibility, as there were three babies waiting to be matched with families who were considered "waiting children" having been born a little early. We already had their pictures...and we had to wait a whole week to find out if we'd been matched. Let's just say it was the longest week of my entire life and if you are looking for a good weight loss plan, this one works well.

Friday rolled around, and we knew they'd be meeting, and calling us at some point to let us know...then in a cruel twist of fate, time decided to STAND STILL!!! Okay maybe I am exaggerating but seriously it felt like it!

My dear sister-in-law Karen came to wait it out with me, since Brad had been called away for work.

Around 4:30pm the call came in. I will never forget those words: "We have a baby!"

As soon as she told me his Korean name, I knew which baby was ours...and I knew it was exactly right. Matthew was meant to be ours.

I think the pictures say the rest.

It has been four long years. Many tears, many prayers, lots of questions, wondering when it would end. And now we know...or at least we know the beginning of the end :) What a beautiful story God is writing for us! How thankful we are for Matthew, and how we long for the day when we will hold him in our arms!

And can I just add that it was wonderful to see my dear husband become a father just in time for Father's Day? That was a gift in itself! He will be the best daddy ever!

The Waiting Ends...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days of my life.

The wait is over, and at long last I have seen a picture of my little boy.

Yes, you read that right.

WE HAVE A SON!

Yesterday afternoon at 4:30pm, we received a call from our social worker saying that we have a baby! I am almost at a loss for words as I am so overwhelmed with all that the Lord has done, but I wanted to at least share this exciting news with you!

Matthew James Seok-wu

is our precious gift from God

and we are so completely in love already!

We know that it will still be 3-6 months until we can go and bring him home...and though I want to go and get him today I feel so much peace knowing at last who he is.

I have much more to share, including pictures of our gorgeous boy, but I don't think I can do that until our referral is made official next Tuesday. Until then, picture this...super adorable, chubby, cheeks that make you want to reach right into the picture to squish them, fluffy black hair that just doesn't seem to want to lay down, gorgeous, almond-shaped black eyes...yep, I could stare into those eyes forever...are you dying to see a picture yet?

God is so good!

Adoption Update - Smiling Today :)

First of all, let me say that this is NOT the post where I share that we have gotten our referral. Just wanted to get that out of the way before I got anyone's hopes up!

BUT we did get some exciting news today :) I was on my lunch break, and the phone rang. I expected it to be Brad, but saw that it was our adoption agency...which is weird because really, they don't often call us.

Our social worker was calling to let us know that they had received an updated list, and we are currently #10 on the list for our agency! Which is pretty exciting news, because we had no idea where we were at. Last week our agency received 6 referrals...for some reason, they seem to come in batches. Now they probably will not get any more for a while, and it will most likely still be at least a couple of months until we get our referral...but it is so exciting to know that we are getting closer!

After she called, I was so excited that I couldn't even finish eating my cookie (and if you know me, you know this is serious!). But don't worry...I finished it when I got home! I have been smiling like crazy all day just knowing that the day really is coming :)

Moving Up the List and Back on Track

Two things to tell you about today: adoption (surprise, surprise!) and running.

First of all, we went to a wonderful adoption meeting last night. It has been so great to connect with other families who are waiting, as well as families who have been through the process and now have their children home. It is good to be reminded that I will not be in the waiting forever!!! One day our little one will be home. And actually, after talking with some people last night, it is starting to sound like it may only be a few more months until we get to see the face of our child!!! The closer we get to that day, the sloooooowwwwwweeeeerrrr time seems to move. So unfair!

In the meantime, I am keeping busy with lots of good things. Now that the headaches are under control, I am back to running. It is hard not to be discouraged, because it is once again difficult and I have lost most of the fitness I seemed to have gained last fall (which wasn't much...but at least it was something!). I can now be seen plodding around the streets near my house, and though it may appear to most that I am out for a stroll, I am in fact, pretending to be a runner. I ran 3 miles yesterday, and 3 miles again today. I am planning to do 5k next Friday. Training starts next month for the half marathon. I am currently uncertain about how I feel about this :)

But on the bright side, it does give me something to think about other than the fact that I want my baby home NOW!!! :)

The Not-Knowing of Adoption

I've been feeling kind of strange lately. It's a very funny feeling to not know when you are going to become a mother. I grew up expecting that I would one day get to experience the joy of a positive pregnancy test, and nine months later, I would become a mother.

Our journey has turned out quite a bit different than I always thought it would. Instead of a pregnancy test, I have the joy of a completed home study! And instead of a set nine month period, I have....I DON'T KNOW!!!!! It is sometimes very hard not knowing how long it is going to be. I feel like if I could just know, then maybe that would somehow make the waiting easier.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm just...floating. Though I know and believe with all of my heart that I can trust the Lord's timing, waiting patiently for it is another thing altogether! Does that make any sense? I am eager for the next phase of life to begin, and yet I do not want to miss out on today. Which sometimes leaves me feeling a bit mixed up!

I sometimes find myself sighing, and wondering...

What will our baby look like?

Has our baby been born already?

What experiences in his or her birthmother's life led her to choose an adoption plan?

Is she sad? Is she okay? Does she have people to care for her through this difficult time? Will we ever meet her?

What will it be like for us to hold our child for the first time?

Will we be good parents?

What if they get sick? Will we know what to do?

What will it be like to hear them call me "mama" for the first time?

So many questions. Some of them, I may never know the answers to. Some of them I can only leave in the Lord's hands. And some of them...I will know the answers to someday!

It's Just What I Would Say...

I don't know if I have ever posted twice in one day before...but this was worth it! Today I found a new bloggy friend, Rachelle, after some "blog hopping", and she is also in the process of adopting. On her blog was the most beautiful poem that just touched my heart so deeply that I had to share it. She is not sure who wrote it...I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. It will be in our scrapbook for sure!

"Dear Sweet Baby"

As a girl I had a common dream to be a mom someday.
My baby would have eyes of blue and hair the hue of hay.
But now my dreams have been transformed; new visions fill my head.
Now the tresses that I long to stroke are raven black instead.
And in my dreams those eyes are not so big or blue or round
Now in my dreams they're almond shaped and colored cocoa brown.
And in my dreams my arms can stretch across enormous seas.
They reach halfway around the world and hold you close to me.
As you grow in your mother's womb, carefully knit together,
You're also growing in our hearts where you'll stay forever
And in my dreams the moment that your mother says good-bye,
I'll be right there to comfort you and hold you as you cry.
Our features may not look alike: we're different as can be.
But still I know the Father has created you for me.
And though I've not yet seen your face, or held your tiny hands.
And though we're half a world apart in very different lands,
I'll be right there to get you just as soon as God allows.
But 'til He says the time is right, I give to you this vow.
I'll pray for your protection every day on bended knee.

For God to hold you in His arms until you're here with me.

Today's News...

Completed I-600A form and having fingerprints taken for US immigration (needed in order to be approved to adopt from another country): $830.00

Knowing we are one step closer to holding our little one in our arms: PRICELESS!!!!

A Beautiful Gift

At church on Sunday, a dear lady approached me and gave me a beautiful gift. It is a bracelet that says "Heart to Home" and it was given to this lady by her mother-in-law when she was waiting to bring home her little girl from Guatemala. Well, her little girl has been home for a couple of months now, and so this lady passed this bracelet along to me to wear (or keep - my wrists are so small that I'm scared it will fall off and I'll lose it!) while we are waiting. She told me that when my wait is over, I can pass it along to someone else who is waiting to bring home a child.

What a beautiful reminder that I will not always be "in the waiting"! One day, the wait will be over and I will have my child in my arms. Every day I grow more and more certain that in the not too distant future I will look back on this period of my life and say, "It was SO worth it!"

Ticker Time!

I finally got to add my adoption ticker to my blog! For ages and ages, I have been looking forward to the time when we would start our "official waiting" - the time when we would be put on the list waiting for a referral.

Today, I found out that we were actually put on the list A MONTH AGO!!! I did not realize it, but our home study was approved on August 19th and that is when we were put on the list! And our wait officially started.

I am so stinking excited!

So, I have added a ticker at the bottom of the blog (because I'm not sure that I will always be in the mood to see how long we have been waiting!). I know that time will go by and one day, not too far in the future, we will receive a call about a beautiful baby girl or boy who will be our child. I cannot wait!!!

For a long time now, I have not really felt like I could enjoy the excitement part of adopting. I think maybe I was still grieving, and was struggling with how far away it was...but now it is becoming real and I am ready to be a mommy! I feel like I have freedom now to dream and plan and look forward to it. I picked up my knitting tonight - a blanket that I started for our baby on the night that we decided to adopt. I had put it down for a long time, but now I am realizing that I'd better get busy on it because I am a SLOW knitter and I want it to be done before our baby arrives. Tonight I almost finished square number one (of 12).

Yes, my excitement sometimes shows itself in strange ways!!!

A Perfectly Lovely Saturday

It used to be a very well-known fact that Rachel did not get out of bed on a Saturday before noon FOR ANYTHING. The house could be on fire...and people would still be afraid to wake me up because I would be ridiculously cranky.

This morning (Saturday) I got up at 8am, had a piece of toast, strapped on my new running shoes (which by the way have almost completely cured my knee pain!) and headed out to a trail with a running buddy.

Anyone who has ever lived with me who is reading this post is gasping, I just know it.


It has been a good week as far as running goes. I ran 2 miles on Monday, 3 miles on Tuesday, 4 miles on Thursday, and 3 miles today. I think that is the most I have ever run in one week. I'm still loving it...but winter is approaching and I don't like cold, so we'll have to see what that does to my enthusiasm.

Today, Brad declared it "sweatpants day" (well, not officially, but he wore them all day long and kept saying how much he loves wearing sweatpants and how great it is that it is now Fall and he can sit watching football in his sweatpants all day...) and I spent some time scrapbooking and watching "I Love Lucy" (one of my favorites).

Around 4pm, I managed to persuade Brad to put on some real clothes (we have had the discussion many times about if sweatpants should be allowed out of the house...) and we headed to the park to take Daisie for a walk.

Next, it was on to Brad's parent's house where we watched more football and then had a bonfire. It was a perfect evening for it and his mom even brought home apple cider and donuts for us to enjoy!


After the walk in the park and playing with her "cousin", Dakota (Brad's parents also have a basset hound), poor Daisie was exhausted! We are looking forward to an uninterrupted night of sleep.


I was playing around with some of the features on my camera and managed to take this kind of interesting picture of the fire. I thought it was cool!

It's been a lovely day and now I must go to bed because Brad and I are helping in the Toddler room at church tomorrow and we are fearing for our lives :) Just kidding (sort of), but we will need our energy for sure!

Blessed by Another's Blogging!

Today I had an email from my Mom, reminding me of what lies ahead...that one day, the waiting will be behind us, and our little one will be home with us at last.

Tonight I talked with my mother-in-law, and heard the excitement in her voice as she talked about how wonderful it will be when our baby is finally with us.

Tonight I read an amazing post on an adoption blog that I have been following that made my heart soar and my eyes fill with tears. Yes, I borrowed her picture, and I hope you will take the time to read her post.

It is coming. The time is coming when we will hold our little one in our arms. It has felt like it is so far away, but I know now...it is coming. The Lord is so good, that in His mercy He is putting together our little family, in His own way, in His time. My heart is happy tonight, looking forward to that day. I am so blessed!

Where is the Paperwork Fairy When You Need Her?

**Since writing this post, I sat down with the paperwork...and proceeded to put our address in the wrong place. I should have known - the first rule of immigration paperwork is HAVE ANOTHER BLANK COPY in case you mess up the first one! Sigh. I will try again tomorrow. Paperwork: 1, Rachel: 0

Growing up, I was very spoiled - my dad always did any kind of paperwork stuff for me. I really took that for granted, until suddenly...I was an adult and I had to do it myself!

When Brad and I got married, we had 8 or 9 forms to fill out for immigration purposes (what with me being Canadian and all). We soon learned that filling out government forms is...an adventure, shall we say. It is hilarious to try to read through the instructions, figure out which parts pertain to you, what documents you need to send with the form, and where you send it. It is a miracle if they don't come back to you for some kind of correction.

This has actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Brad and I now have to fill out more immigration paperwork, but this time for the adoption. Thankfully because of all our practice in this area, I am not too intimidated.

My goal for tonight is to just get it done. We have to fill out a form called an I-600 which I believe is a petition for us to be able to bring an orphan into the States. The form itself is only 2 pages long, but the instructions are six pages long! Isn't something wrong if you have to take 6 pages to explain how to fill out a two page form???? Just a question :)

Home Study: Check!

It has been a busy but wonderful week around the Hunt household! On Thursdsay, we reached a milestone - we completed our home study!!!!!

Sometimes I forget that not everyone is IMMERSED in adoption terms all the time like we are, so maybe I will explain a little about what the home study is (because until we did it, we didn't know anything about it!)

A home study is basically a series of interviews with a social worker who will be checking to make sure that your family is a safe and suitable fit for adoption. Obviously, it makes sense that they cannot just give children to anyone who asks - they want to make sure that it will be a good environment for a child. It is also an opportunity for the family to learn about the process of adoption, as well as parenting an adopted child.

Our social worker, "J", was wonderful - I may have mentioned before, but she also has 4 kids adopted from Korea, and has been an "International Adoption Specialist" for many years. She is calm, reassuring, and realistic, and has helped guide us through the process so far.

At our most recent meeting, we talked about our marriage, and she asked us questions about how we met, what qualities we appreciate about each other, how we deal with differences, etc. It was kind of scary going into it, but we just tried to be as honest as possible and I think it went very well. Thankfully, they are not looking for perfect people (we'd be in trouble!).

Before this meeting, we had to take some pictures that they will send to Korea. I was going to have my sister come and take some, but Brad thought the tripod would be an easier way to go... let's just say that we took a LOT of pictures and laughed a lot at some very bad ones! In the end, though, we managed to get a few that turned out well.

This is my favorite one of the two of us

And this may just be my very favorite picture ever of my handsome husband!

Of course, not wanting to be left out, Daisie did some posing too!

People's next question when we tell them we've finished the home study is "What's next?" Well, now our social worker actually types up a report from everything she's learned about us. We will fill out some immigration paperwork (luckily we're pros at that already!) and then they will send in the immigration forms along with the home study to the US government. This will be asking for approval for us to bring an orphan into the US from another country.

I'm not exactly sure of the timeline of that stuff, but at some point they also send our homestudy info away to Korea (this may be after the immigration approval but I don't really know).

And then...the wait for a referral begins (when we are matched with a child!). We don't know if it will be a boy or a girl, although J. mentioned this week that they usually receive more boys than girls from Korea. Either way, pretty sure I will be ECSTATIC!

So that's where we're at in this exciting journey. Thank you for your support and encouragement through this time - it has meant so much to Brad and I. We just can't wait to get our little one home!

Surviving (and Enjoying) Our Homestudy!

Well, it is Sunday night and I am happy to report that all went well with the Home Study this afternoon. Phew! I must admit that as the time drew closer I started to get a little nervous about it. I think it was just that I didn't really know what to expect.

As soon as I met our social worker, though, I was put at ease and knew that the meeting would be just fine. She is so nice and has adopted from Korea herself! She asked us a few questions about how we ended up pursuing adoption, how we decided on their agency etc., and then shared with us about the process, what to expect, time frames and things like that. She talked to us a lot about the "training" we will need to do - reading books and articles, an online training session, and workshops. Now for those of you who know me, you will know that I am very excited about the reading part. And for those of you who know Brad...well, you will know that he is more excited about the online class! I have just ordered a couple of books and a subscription to "Adoptive Families" magazine. I can't wait for them to come in the mail! The book on the right, "I Wish For You a Beautiful Life" is a compilation of letters from Korean birth mothers to their children. That is going to be a difficult book to read I think. I am already praying for the mother who will give birth to our child, because I'm sure the next few years are going to be very hard for her.

Another book we are going to read is called "The Seed from the East" and I believe it is written by the couple who began adoptions from South Korea. I am excited to learn about the history of adoptions from Korea.

The social worker also took a look around the house (which was not nearly as intensive as I feared!), and that was it!

We are having our next meeting on July 22nd, which happens to be the night before we leave for Seattle. Yikes! I think I am going to be stressed out. Or maybe if I have everything packed it won't be too bad. We'll see I guess! After meeting with our social worker that night we are also going to a meeting for waiting families (all the families working with our agency who are in the process of adopting internationally.) It will be so good to have this support during the looooooonnnnnnngggg wait! We have a long road ahead, but at least we are officially on the road at last!

On Our Way to a Homestudy!

We got the call this week - our first meeting for our homestudy will be this Sunday at 2pm! Our social worker said they normally do the home visit at the end, but she will be in our area that day anyway so wondered if it would be okay if we did it first. There will be some major cleaning going on at the Hunt household tonight and tomorrow morning! I feel like I should be more nervous - I really just feel excited to be starting after such a long wait. I know that lots more waiting is looming in the future, but for now it is nice to be doing something.

Tomorrow we are going to a wedding in the afternoon and then Brad's family is coming over for a bbq in the evening to celebrate Brad's birthday. I am looking forward to a fun weekend!

On another note, my Mom, Dad, and sister Sarah are heading to England today for 2 weeks, and they will then be heading to France for a week. Yes, I am jealous! Please pray for them as they travel. Thanks!

Starting Our Home Study!!!!!

Yey! The call came today - we are starting our home study!!!! I am so excited!!! I'll write again when I have more details, but for now...PRAISE THE LORD!!!