Then and Now: Thoughts on Adoption

It sometimes seems like a lifetime ago that we started this adoption! Sometimes I can't remember what it was like to not be waiting. It is funny to think that just a couple of years ago, I didn't know that I was soon to be a momma to a little boy named Matthew from South Korea :) I didn't know it, but God knew.

Every once in a while I like to read back through my journal and remember all that we've been through in this process. I tend to mostly write in it when I'm upset, so a lot of it was written during the most painful parts of the journey. I spent a lot of time writing when we were first thinking about adopting. We had decided we were done with infertility treatments, I was an emotional wreck, I wanted a baby more than anything, and here we were with the amazing but also kind of scary possibility of adoption in front of us.

It is almost humorous to read some of the things I wrote at that time, knowing what I know now. At the time, I wondered if I would be able to love a child I did not give birth to. That one makes me laugh just typing it - with tears in my eyes at I look at the face of my little one and ache to hold him. Now I know the answer - yes, I can most definitely love a child I did not give birth to, with a love so deep it takes my breath away.

We wondered how our families would feel about adoption, and about our having a child who did not look like us. We both have wonderful, loving families, but we had never really talked about the possibility of adoption with them, so we really just didn't know how they would feel. I smile again as I type that one, because our families have overwhelmed us with their support and love throughout the entire process. They already love our little boy, and he is part of our family. They have left no room for doubt about how much they love Matthew - and us.

We used to wonder a lot how we would handle questions from strangers about our family. Actually, we used to worry a lot about this. Obviously we haven't had to deal with this yet, but although we still talk about it, we don't really worry about it anymore. It turns out a lot of these things have a way of working themselves out, so we'll deal with that when the time comes.

Adoption was a pretty huge and scary thing when we started. Now, it is a part of our story - a part of who we are. I am so thankful for every step along the way, and that we are loved by a God who has patiently taken us by the hand and led us through some tough times and who is now showing us the amazing ending that He knew was there all along. He is so good!