Saturday Morning Alone at Home

Brad and Matthew went out this morning...do you know what this means???  I am home alone!  I can't even remember the last time I was home alone.  It's a little bit....glorious! :)  Don't get me wrong, I love having my boys around, but a break sure is nice once in a while.

The week in review...

 - Days got progressively better as the medication started kicking in.  We had one night where Matthew slept through, and several where I slept beside him on a bed we moved in beside his crib.  This allowed us to comfort him through the bars of the crib so that he wouldn't scream, and I got to lay down instead of walk him for hours on end in the night.  So thankful this worked!

 - I finished "Gone With the Wind" last night and was so ticked off at the end...Brad just laughed when I told him how mad I was about the ending and said, "Yeah, I knew you were going to be.  I was just waiting for you to finish!"  It was a good book, and it definitely surprised me (which I did like - most books are so predictable).  

 - Tonight I'm going to see the movie "Gone With the Wind" with some girlfriends...did you know it is almost 4 hours long?!?!  It is playing for free tonight at a local theater.  I'm excited to see it!

 - Last night Brad and I had a great "at home" date night.  After Matthew finally went to bed we watched an old Clark Gable movie, "It Happened One Night".  Good movie, and great time laughing about nothing at all with my hubby.  Just what I needed :)

 - One of the only bright sides of Matthew being sick...he gets super snuggly!

 - I have the rest of the morning to myself!  I can't decide what to do with all my free time.  What a great problem to have!!!!

Feeling Hopeful

Thank you so much for all the helpful comments and messages you all sent. We will be trying your suggestions as soon as we can!

After a very long night in which Matthew and I were up from midnight until 4:30am, I got up this morning and thought to myself, "I can't do this anymore." I called a friend who has 4 kids and has been super helpful in giving me advice along the way, cried to her a bit, and felt a little more hopeful that maybe, just maybe, this will not last forever.

Our doctor's appointment yesterday went well, but it was a very long afternoon. I found out that Matthew most likely had an allergic reaction to something on the weekend as he was covered in hives Sunday night and most of yesterday. He's on an oral steroid which is already helping with the itching.

This morning I called our pediatrician. I am so thankful to have a good doctor to turn to who listens and cares. She asked lots of questions, I cried some more, and when she checked Matthew over she found...EAR INFECTION. Again. Our poor little guy was screaming last night every time I put him down, and now I know why.

I must admit, I felt kind of relieved that she found something we could fix! Matthew is obviously feeling pretty crummy today, and for nap time I had to put him in the baby carrier (best investment ever) and walk with him for about half an hour. Then I managed to slowly lower us both onto the couch where we both slept for about 20 minutes. I am thinking that tonight may be rough still but hopefully tomorrow night will start to get better.

It's so good to have hope that this will end!

And in other great news...our social worker called and cancelled our meeting for tonight! Any other time I probably would have been disappointed, but today I was elated! I didn't want to cancel since we've been waiting a long time to start, but once she cancelled I realized how relieved I was!

I'll leave you today with some silliness, because I find a little silliness always helps the day be better :)

(Matthew's new slide...the living room is NOT it's permanent home!)

(Stinky wanted to try out the slide, too...)

(This is one of my favorites...silly boy!)

This parenting thing is hard sometimes, but when I see that little face, and when he reaches out his hands and puts them on my face and looks at me and says, "Mama", I know it's all worth it.

We've Had It!

We've had it up to here...

...with eczema!

Honestly, just had it.  Poor Brad spent several hours in the night with a screaming and itchy baby and a crying and overwhelmed momma.  I am frustrated and sad and we just don't know what to do.  We are going back to the dermatologist this afternoon and praying that somehow we can get him some relief.  We are also going to a pediactric allergist on Sept. 20th to find out if this is allergy related.  This is just crazy and I now dread the night because it is just so hard.  I'm so sorry to whine, I am just so frustrated and beyond tired after the last few nights.

Oh, and our home study is scheduled for tomorrow night, which is great timing when I'm feeling like having another child might be the worst idea ever. :)

If you have any suggestions or advice to help with eczema or allergies...please help!

Oh Canada, How I Have Missed You!

At long last...we left the country!  This weekend we headed to my parent's house for the very first time since Matthew came home.  It was a wonderful weekend but unfortunately I am too tired to upload photos tonight so you will have to settle for a "weekend in review" blog post tonight :)

I was so worried about crossing the border with Matthew and making sure we had what we needed to get into Canada that OOPS I forgot something kind of important...the document issued to me by the US to let me back into the States.  You know, kind of important if I wanted to come home ever.  Of course I realized this after we passed the sign saying something we could not turn back now and had to proceed to Canada.  Major oops.  

Brad, being the seriously wonderful man that he is, did not freak out or get mad, but simply said that he would drive back and get it, and then come back to Canada again.  It's a 2 1/2 hour drive each way.  So he drove us there Friday night, and Saturday morning he got up and drove back across the border, where thankfully his mom and brother were so kind as to meet him with my card.  Crisis averted.

Most of the weekend was spent just hanging out in the living room together.  I must admit it was fabulous to get a bit of a break since everyone was so excited to have Matthew there!  They all entertained him from the moment he woke up until he went to sleep...

Except last night he wouldn't go to sleep.  Well, that's not entirely true.  He went to bed around 7:30pm, but woke up at 1am itching and miserable.  On went the wet pajamas, but nothing seemed to soothe the itching around his neck, head and hands.  Last night was a very long night in which Brad and I both only got about 4 hours of sleep, and not at the same time.  I am more grateful than ever to have a husband who is so kind and helps so much with Matthew.  

The pajama thing had been helping quite a lot, but he is still having a rough time.  It's so annoying that we can't figure it out!  It seems to be so much worse at night.  We're going to a new allergist soon and probably back to the dermatologist this week...we NEED to be able to sleep again!

Even with the rough night, we had a marvelous time with my family and I am so thankful we were able to go!  Matthew was totally at ease there (probably since he already knows my family pretty well) and it was so nice and relaxing to be "home".

Sometimes Wet Pajamas Are a Good Thing

Unfortunately, our poor little boy is having a mighty itchy time again lately. We have seen the dermatologist several times, and the treatments seem to work for a couple of weeks, and then as soon as we stop his eczema flares up again. We have been using a fabulous steroid cream that works wonders, but apparently you can only use it for short periods of time because it can be bad if you use it continuously. He's on an antihistamine as well and the dose just keeps going up because the itchiness continues. It makes it very hard for him to get to sleep, and stay asleep, which is a bummer for everyone! We feel so bad seeing him uncomfortable.

Yesterday I spoke with our dermatologist again and he recommended something that sounded kind of strange. Last night we tried something called a "wet wrap" - basically, after putting his lotion on, we soaked a pair of cotton pajamas in warm water, wrung them out, and put them on him! Then we put a dry warm pair over top. And we left him like that all night long!

(Here he is in the wet pair...probably thinking, "Um, this is a bit crazy!")

(And here he is with a dry pair over top...possibly wondering if his parents were seriously losing it!)

I mean, really, can you imagine going to bed in soaking wet pajamas? I can't! But the amazing thing - it seemed to work! He laid in his crib and was asleep within 5 minutes! He did wake up once at 11pm, and we put a new pair of wet pjs on him with warmer outer pjs, and he went right back to sleep until 9:15am this morning. When I took his pajamas off, his skin had almost completely cleared up!!!! He was much less itchy today and I am so so thankful. We are going to try this for a few days to see if it will make a difference for him. If not, we may be on to some new meds. For his sake, I hope this works!

Fun at the Lake

We had a great weekend around here! My dear friend Sue who I have now known for 17 years came with her husband Stan. Yes, it was Nascar weekend again! The boys went to the race on Sunday and had a blast, while Sue and I hung out and did what we do best - shopping, talking, eating cookies, and watching movies :) Sue and Stan are having their first child soon and it was so much fun to talk babies with one of my dearest friends.

Yesterday Brad had the day off work so we decided to head to the beach. This was the first time we've taken Matthew (where has the summer gone?!?!) and it was a total hit! He loved playing in the sand and swimming in the lake. It was perfect weather and was so nice and relaxing. A few of my favorite pictures from the day:

(Digging in one spot kept him busy for ages!)

(He was a little unsure at first but soon we couldn't keep him out of the water)

(Trying out his new floaty toy...I love that I could float along with him!)

(This has to be my favorite picture of the day.

Doesn't he look like he is totally posing?

The belly is my favorite part!)

(Rocks and sand...sand and rocks. They entertain for a long time!)

(Don't worry, he is squealing with joy!)

(Brad covered up his legs with sand and he just kept saying "More!" and signing "Please")

I'm so thankful for the fun weekend we had.

Except for the sunburn that Brad got, it was perfect!

I hope we can go to the beach again soon.

My Favorite View

This little boy, like his mama, loves to read a good book. I'm just finishing up "Gone With the Wind", while his choices have a few less words :)

Lately his attention span has been getting longer and he will sit looking at books for quite a while without getting bored. This has come in especially handy in the car...I sure do prefer him reading books to him yelling as loud as he can just because he doesn't want to be in his car seat :)

Watching him "read" is one of my favorite things to do at the moment. He'll go behind the couch to our bookcase, choose a good one, plunk himself down and start flipping through the pages. I peek over the back of the couch and smile as he concentrates so hard and enjoys each and every picture. My favorite view - his eyes down, looking at the book, his cheeks so squishy that it's all I can do not to reach out and squish them, his gorgeous eyelashes...

yep, I love this view!

First Time at the Fair

You know one of the things I miss most about being in the adoption process? I miss getting really exciting things in the mail! I used to stalk the mail man, hoping to hear good news from the government or maybe get something from our agency...yes, I miss those days. This week I've been stalking the mail man again, though, as I've been eagerly awaiting the arrival of Matthew's passport. Today (the one day I did not run out and check it as soon as it arrived) Brad brought in the mail, and of course his passport had arrived. I am so excited - now we can visit my family and friends in Canada at long last!

Yesterday was a fun night as we went to the local fair with some of Brad's family. This is a yearly event I always look forward to, but this year was a special year.

This year I got to take my son to the fair!

I must admit, the fair has always been one of those places that was kind of hard to go to - a painful reminder that I didn't have any children yet. This year all that was changed and I got to enjoy for the first time seeing my boy enjoy the lights and the animals and the displays. It was so much fun!

Matthew had a blast with his cousin, Ben! Aunt Amanda had Matthew cracking up!

Of course, no day is complete without a choo choo sighting!

It was hard to pull him away from this

(even though he didn't even ride on it...just watched!)

I couldn't get him to even look away while it was going around the track :)

He was also totally fascinated by the animals - it must have been strange for him to hear a cow saying "moo" instead of mommy! He was very excited to pet a little baby duckling.

Yep, we tired him out good! It was way past his bedtime when we arrived home and he went to bed without a peep (until 1am, but let's not talk about how he keeps waking up every night because he is teething). I love seeing him experience new things - it is the best!

It Never Gets Old

It was another regular Saturday around here. There was nothing extraordinary about it. We didn't do anything that would be classified as "exciting" in many people's books. It was a day spent at garage sales, mowing the lawn, playing with toys, swinging in the backyard, hanging out with family...the same sorts of things we do every single day.

Here's what I'm learning, though:

It never gets old.

I never get tired of the regular stuff, because I am with two people I love so much!

There was a time in my life when I got to travel around the world, meet new people, see new things, have exciting adventures like white water rafting on the River Nile, downhill skiing in Colorado, rock climbing and kayaking in Northern Ontario...and those things were amazing and fun, don't get me wrong.

But the thing is, ask me if I'd pick doing those things today or hanging out with my beloved and this little guy:

Yep, they'd win every time.

I keep waiting for it to get old, but it never does. I keep waiting for it to stop being so much fun to stay at home with my little guy, but it just keeps getting better. It's the most fun I've ever had, and my heart is full. Life has never been so good!

Fun Planning

First let me say thank you for not leaving me comments yesterday saying how weird I am or anything like that - every time I write a post that exposes my true thoughts about something close to my heart I have such mixed feelings - relief to be able to put it into words, and terror knowing that other people will read it :) I like writing about things that matter, though, and it does help me get some perspective.

I'm doing some fun planning at the moment! I'm making plans for Matthew's birthday and I am so excited that I don't know how I'll wait until December!

So you know how much this little boy loves trains? Enough that he will play with them for 50 minutes straight, just standing at the couch? Yep, that much!

We had been toying with the idea of getting him a train table (basically a table his height that would have a fantastic train set on it!) but man are they expensive! We saw one on clearance for $50 and that was the cheapest we saw anywhere...and then the next day, a friend of mine for church emailed me and said she was getting rid of a train table, and did we want it?!?! Um, YEAH!!!! We bought it for 10 bucks! So excited to get it set up in the basement...but not until December.

Then last week I went to a huge yard sale, walked into the toy section, and found...

A ton more pieces of wooden train set! I snatched it up and we are just about ready to make a fabulous train set for my boy! I just know he will love it and I'm so thankful we could find these great deals so that he can have something he'll enjoy so much.

I'm also planning a fun getaway for the three of us for a weekend in September...because seriously I just need to spend some time here:

It makes me relax just looking at the photo! I can't wait to have even a couple of days away with my boys. I just love fun planning :)

{Trusting}

When Matthew first came home, he loved the song Row, Row, Row Your Boat. I would sit him on my knee and sing it, and when we got to the "Life is but a dream" part I would dip him backwards, which would always cause him to laugh. This turned out to be a very handy thing once we tried to wash his hair in the tub. We would try dumping water on his head to wash out the suds, but it took forever and made him scream. So I decided to try a gentler approach, singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat and laying him back into the water at the end. It totally worked! Now we do that every single time and he lays back in the water without any fussing to let me get the soap out of his hair.

The other night I did this as I was washing his hair. For some reason, when I laid him back he just did not like it. He started to wriggle, and fuss, and then cry. I looked him in the eye and calmly told him that he was safe and I would not drop him or put him under the water. I don't know what I expected him to do (probably to keep fussing!) but suddenly he stopped. He looked in my eyes, heard what I said, and trusted me. He totally relaxed in my arms and let me wash the soap out.

I learned a lesson that night that has been going around in my head all week. Trust. I have been thinking about what it means when I say I trust God. I claim to, but do I live it? When I read the Bible, do I take Him at His word and believe that He will do what He says He will do? Does it make a difference to me when I am fussing about stuff in my life?

I have been so anxious lately about the whole adoption thing...and if I were honest, I've been struggling once again with the infertility thing. It seems strange to be even having thoughts about it again, after so long of it not being on my mind at all. I think that choosing to adopt again, in some ways to me means that I am choosing to not pursue pregnancy. I am okay with that, and it is what I want, but I think there is a part of me that will always just wonder. I have hesitated to even say it out loud to anyone because I fear that it will sound like I an unhappy to have Matthew as my son, which could not be further from the truth. I believe that once our next little one is home, I will once again look back and be so thankful that we were able to make the choice to adopt. I guess there is just so much unknown at this point - how long will it take? will the wait be hard again? A part of me has been really anxious about it and I have struggled with feelings very similar to when we started Matthew's adoption, which I did not expect.

Even as I vent about all my concerns and fears, I am reminded of the truth that I know, the truth that God showed me as we struggled with infertility and as we went through the long journey to adopt Matthew. God will not fail me. He is with me, and He is for me. He will help me and comfort me. I believe it, and I have experienced it in my life. I really thought I learned those lessons the first time...guess I'm a slow learner :) I'm so thankful that the Lord is so patient with me!

Growing Up! *20 Months Old*

My baby boy is 20 months old today *sniff sniff*

I am continually surprised by how fast time goes.

I don't want him to turn two! But at the same time...

I can't wait to see what he is like at two, and three, and four

To hear what he will say

What he will like, and dislike

To watch him grow and discover

I love every minute of it!

I thought I'd share a little about Matthew

at 20 months old.

He is so fun!

New words he can say:

Daisie (our dog)

Yes/No (with appropriate head shake)

Cheese

Two (but only if I say "One...")

Step

Done

Circle and Star (which sound more like "ger-ca" and "staaaa")

Yay! (with hand clapping)

Baby

Car

Keys

And his new most frequently used word: hot hot!

(every food we prepare now is "ha ha" as he calls it - even if it's cold! We're working on that!)

Matthew loves:

* Pretending he is sleeping (complete with fake snore)

* Playing with his shape sorter

* Asking to "rock rock" in the rocking chair before bed...love it!

* Trains - playing with them, reading about them, singing about them...

all things "choo choo" bring a smile :)

* Being chased and tickled

* Elephants - similar obsession as with trains

* Play dough

* Coloring

* Going up and down steps

* Cleaning up toys

Favorite Foods:

Blueberries

Watermelon

Grapes

Pears

Lima beans

Chili

Chicken (he requests it at every meal by saying "buck buck" and flapping his arms!)

Peas

Carrots

Mac & Cheese

Yogurt

Meatloaf

I can hardly believe it, but Matthew has now been a part of our family for over 10 months and has spent more of his life in the US than he did in Korea. What did we ever do without this little boy???!!?