Quack, Quack, Quack...

Yesterday afternoon I was in the kitchen when I suddenly heard quacking coming from the sunroom. Was it Matthew making a duck noise? Nope! Did a duck make its way into our house to play with us? Nope! I peeked my head around to look in and here is what I saw:

My mom got Matthew this adorable book that tells the story of a duck from the time it hatches until it grows up, and it has a button you can push to hear a realistic duck noise.

Matthew loves this book!

I try to read it to him but he just pushes the button over and over and over again to hear the quacking! It is so funny. I love that he found the book on his own and sat there entertaining himself with a duck noise :)

I think we'll have to go to the park soon to see some real live ducks!

If You Need a Giggle Today...

...then join Matthew! He was very much enjoying a game of peek-a-boo today...this kid seriously woke up on the right side of the crib this afternoon :)

Having Some Fun

So I hate to admit it, but last week I was a G-R-U-M-P-Y mama. Please note the capitals. Matthew is teething and I think has some kind of cold, nothing major but enough to make him very whiny. He has also been growing and changing soooooo much lately (as he should be, of course!) and is into everything at the moment. I found the combination last week to be enough to just about push me over the edge into crazy-woman-ville :)

Last night by dinner time, Brad and I were both just exhausted. We sat down at the table to eat, and I looked at him and we just started laughing. What a long weekend it had been! I don't know what came over me, but I suddenly realized we needed to have some FUN. We had been two crankapotamuses (that's what Brad calls me when I'm cranky - kind of like hippopotamus only cranky....should I be insulted by that?!!) and it was time to lighten up a bit.

What better way to fix grouchiness than to build a FORT?!? Even grown-ups need to build a fort once in a while. We rearranged the living room a bit, got some blankets, and TA-DA:

The fort was a big hit - Matthew and Daisie both loved it! We played for a while, chased him around, played peek-a-boo and all that good stuff, and then settled down among the blankets to watch "The Jungle Book". It was a lovely evening and totally drove the "crankapotamus" in me away :)

I realized this morning that part of the reason Matthew has been getting into everything (other than the fact that he's one and that's just what they do) is because he has been bored. So today we tackled a bunch of new activities and had so much fun! We colored a picture for daddy and traced our hands. We built a tower and knocked it over (this was not a new activity, but it's a favorite!). We read books and did puzzles. It was wonderful!

We had a blast playing with a bucket filled with rice and some of his toys. It is amazing how much he loved this! I kept asking him if he was done and he would just say "more....more!"

I don't want to be a cranky mama. I know sometimes it will happen but I was reminded today by all the fun we had that with a little more effort, staying at home can be all I dreamed it would be.

Daring to Cut Hair

I was pretty nervous, but I decided to give it a go tonight. I gave Matthew a haircut! He has had a couple of haircuts since he's been here, but none by me. I figured that if worst came to worst we could always use the clippers and give him a buzz cut :)

I know it isn't perfect, and it needs a bit of touching up tomorrow, but overall...

I'm happy!

I shouldn't really have worried about it...

I mean, is there any possible way I could have ruined this cuteness?!?!

{Six Months}

Six months ago today

this sweet little boy was placed in my arms

for the very first time.

And oh, how I loved him!

From that first moment I saw him, I loved him.

In an instant he became my son, my very own, a part of my heart.

These last six months have been so many things:

amazing

wonderful

overwhelming

joyful

challenging

Watching our little boy grow

is like unwrapping a new gift

every single day.

We have treasured every moment

and are so grateful for

six months

of hugs...

Six months of becoming the ones he reaches for...

Six months of dressing up for special occasions

(like being dedicated at church)...

...and dressing down

(for the pool!)

Six months of laughter...so much laughter!

At first it seemed like the journey was over;

We had arrived - we were parents at last!

But as the days go on, we learn the truth...

...the true journey was just beginning!

Monday's Ramblings

I'm ecstatic that we paid off a school loan today!

I hope that the nice weather returns soon.

I'm glad that I got a new phone today (to replace the Daisie-chewed phone I was using!)

I'm feeling grouchy about the never-ending dirty dishes...and contemplating going to all paper products :)

I'm happy we got to spend time with Brad's family tonight to celebrate his mom's birthday.

I loved seeing my Mom and Dad this weekend, even if it was just for dinner.

I'm excited to see my college roommate on Wednesday!

I'm sad that Matthew is sick...again :(

I'm praying that his cough doesn't go to his chest.

I'm bummed that we won't be able to go to our Moms and Toddlers group at church tomorrow (because of the stinky sickness).

I'm thankful that I didn't have to cook dinner tonight.

I'm thinking about going to bed early...like, right now maybe!

{Serious Cuteness}

Crazy for Bubbles

I thought the bubbles would be fun for Matthew...

I just didn't realize Daisie would enjoy them, too!

This picture cracked me up - let me show you that close up so that you can now say you've seen a basset hound airborne. I didn't even know it was possible :)

Crazy doggie!

When His Daddy Gets Home

He walks through the door exhausted, carrying his computer, coffee mug, and the mail. I can see in his eyes that all he wants to do is take a nap, but as soon as he sees his little boy he seems to re-energize. As quickly as he can he puts down everything he is holding so that he can pick up the little one who is excitedly (and loudly!) exclaiming "dada...dada...dada!" As soon as daddy is in the door, mommy is old news (for a little while anyway!) and all Matthew wants is to be with Brad. They are two peas in a pod, I tell ya!

(I think the picture above may have been taken

after an especially long day! Poor Brad looks kind of worn out!

But I just love the way Matthew is gripping Brad's sleeve. So sweet!)

Playing outside is a new favorite...Matthew loves his tractor!

Ok, this picture makes me laugh every single time I look at it. Like, outloud laughing. Hard. Check out Brad's face...and Matthew's! Do either of them look particularly happy to be going down this slide? Plus, I love how Brad's legs are almost at the bottom of the slide

as soon as they start going down it! So funny.

My two guys :)

This one is pretty much my all-time favorite picture.

I am just so blessed!

Tomorrow we are heading to a waterpark with some friends -

I am so excited and I hope that Matthew likes swimming as much as we do!

Swinging Success!

Since it was such a gorgeous day today,

we just had to spend some time outdoors.

So we thought we'd give the swing another try!

At first, Matthew looked pretty nervous...

But it wasn't long before he was all smiles!

Every time it would slow down, he would frantically

start signing and saying "more". So cute!

Needless to say this mama just kept on pushing

to keep those smiles a-coming :)

Something tells me we'll be doing lots of swinging this summer!

[Warning: Long Post Ahead!] My Feelings About Infertility After Adoption

Last night I couldn’t sleep. It was a bad combination of a long nap and the time change, but come 2am I was still staring at the ceiling with thoughts just rolling around in my head. My mind wandered to a blog post I had read recently written by Leah (fabulous blog I must say!) in which she shared her thoughts on infertility and if the pain of it ever goes away. I started to ask myself this same question, and thought about my feelings about our infertility now that we have adopted.

Here’s what I came up with. I think that the answer to this question is different for different people. [Disclaimer: Please don’t take this answer as if it’s how every person feels when they adopt after infertility. It is a complicated thing to go through and I am sure that other people may feel much differently than I do]. As for me, am I “over” our struggles with infertility? My answer: mostly yes, with just a little bit of no. Yep, it’s a nice clear answer J

I think the best way to explain it is to share an analogy that someone shared with me years ago when I was going through something very painful in my life, and I relate this very much to my feelings about infertility. When you have a cut or a wound and it bleeds, you feel pain. But as the cut heals, the pain stops. Still, even when the wound is completely healed, you may have a scar where that cut once was. You can remember that you were once in pain because of that cut, but you are not still feeling that pain.

That’s where I’m at with infertility. I remember so well the feelings and pain that came along with finding out that we may not be able to have biological children. I remember how deeply it hurt, and how so many situations in life brought pain. I remember crying when I saw pregnant bellies, fearing baby showers, feeling a lump in my throat as I passed by the baby department in a store…as I sit here writing it brings tears to my eyes to remember that period of my life.

The thing is, though, I don’t still feel that pain…because my life is filled with joy and a precious gift named Matthew! For me, the most difficult thing about infertility was that I so desperately wanted to be a mother. There was definitely grief over the thought that I would not get to experience pregnancy and could not have a child who was created from me and Brad, but having children was my heart’s desire. I think that is why we decided to pursue adoption after only 2 years of trying to start a family instead of heading down the road of infertility treatments. Having a child who was biologically ours was not as important to us as just having a child who was ours. And now we have that – a child who is completely and totally ours – and our hearts are so full!

Let me just explain the “little bit of no” statement, though. I think that a little part of me will always wonder (really it is more wondering than hurting at this point) what it is like to experience pregnancy and childbirth. A part of me sometimes wonders what it would be like to have a child who looks like me and Brad. Sometimes the “scab” over my cut gets bumped a little when I see someone who is pregnant or watch a mom with her teeny tiny newborn, and it hurts again. Infertility is a strange thing. Sometimes when I least expect it, the familiar hurt returns and I find myself wistfully thinking about what it would be like. But what is different now is that the pain doesn’t stick around long, because it is chased away by the smile of a little boy who I love more than anything!

One last thing. I used to pray and pray that we would get pregnant. Month after month, it was often on my mind and I just ached to be able to start a family with Brad. I remembered this only a couple of days after Matthew arrived, and I prayed again, and I was actually surprised to find myself thanking God for our journey through infertility, because it led us to Matthew. I would not have it any other way. I would walk through it all again if that’s what I had to do to get to him. Every tear, all the pain and frustration and the agony of waiting was absolutely and completely worth it. So I think that’s why I can say that “mostly yes, but just a little bit no” – for me, the pain of infertility is gone!

The Weekend In Pictures {and a few words}

A visit from the family...and a fun time reading new books!

Snuggles with Nana...

...and Papa, too!

Last week I finished knitting the hat I have been working on...

just in time for Spring :)

Brad put up a new swing for Matthew...

feelings about swinging are uncertain at this time!

Watched The Jungle Book - it is a new favorite!

Can you tell he is "in the zone"?

There's just nothing better than a weekend

with no agenda!

Thankful Thursday

* I was so thankful that the day started out like this:

* Unfortunately, I spoke too soon, and Matthew's skin got worse again after my last post. But I was very thankful that we had his 15-month check-up scheduled for that day anyway, and that our pediatrician decided to send us to a dermatologist. Super thankful that they got us an appointment quickly and that we were able to go and see him today!

* Thankful that we now have a plan for getting him feeling better. It is so sad when he just itches and itches and looks at me with eyes that say "Make it better, Mommy!" It just breaks my heart! At least now we can do something about it.

* Thankful that Matthew figured out how to give a raspberry (also known to some as the "zerbert" - when you blow on their tummy and make that funny noise...wow, it is hard to describe so I hope you all know what I'm talking about!). Well, Matthew figured out how to do it on my face today while I was talking to the doctor! He just kept doing it and laughing...the doctor did not even crack a smile! It took all my self-control not to crack up and to keep listening to him!

* So excited and thankful that my mom and dad are coming to visit tomorrow!

* Thankful for the ice cream cone I am going to go and eat now :)

Blessings When You Least Expect Them

It has been a few weeks since we found out about Matthew's food allergies, and I am so happy to be able to say that things are going MUCH better! The overwhelming feeling I had at first has now faded, and I feel like we are getting a handle on things at last. Along with this change, I have found many unexpected blessings:

* I am enjoying cooking. Gasp! I am finding lots of new recipes and

starting to really enjoy trying new things. It's great!

(and I think I have inspired Matthew to become a chef...

either that or my cooking is so bad that he knows

he needs to take over for me!)

*Brad and I are eating much better than we used to.

Vegetables with every meal...what a new concept!!!

*We eat dinner together at the table every night...

and dinner time is not stressful! Since I have to plan ahead now,

it seems to be much less busy around dinner time.

Love it!

*The biggest blessing of all...

Matthew has started to look and feel (I think!) better :)

He still sometimes gets splotchy but overall is doing

much better now that those foods are out of his diet.

Tomorrow is his 15 month check-up, and I look forward to checking in with the doctor to make sure that he really is doing okay. I am happy to have my smiley little guy back again!

A Family of Three

Tomorrow we will be meeting with our social worker for our final post-placement visit! Matthew has been here a little over five months now, and soon we will be able to finalize our adoption. We could not be more excited to officially become a forever family :)

Before we adopted I was a little nervous thinking about the post-placement visits. What if I did something wrong while our social worker was visiting us? What if it was obvious that I wasn't super mom?? Well, now that we've had two of these visits I am no longer nervous (not because I am such a great mom, but because I know she is watching to see that we are caring for him and that he is adjusting okay). At the last visit, Matthew did a face plant into a toy and I wasn't able to catch him. I felt like mom of the year and nervously looked at our social worker to see if she was taking notes. She was great about it and I quickly stopped worrying!

Now I am just so excited for our social worker to see Matthew again! He has changed so much in the last two months, it is just incredible! His personality is blooming, he is active and engaging and learning so many new things that I just can't wait to show him off!

I'm so thankful that we are a family of three now :)

At each visit we have to give our social worker pictures.

I just love these ones!

Sometimes

Sometimes life isn't crazy exciting moments. Sometimes days go by with nothing that anyone would classify as "exciting" happening. Sometimes it's full of ordinary stuff, uneventful.

But the truth is, there is so much joy to be found in the ordinary!

My heart has been full these last couple of days, for no particular reason at all. The ordinary is just so amazing to me. I marvel as I watch my little boy walk around the sunroom...how did he learn how to do that?

I stare into those beautiful eyes...

so thankful that I was given this most precious gift.

I hug him, and he hugs me back!

And sometimes, for no reason at all,

he comes over just to give me a kiss!

Really, does it get much better than this?

I watch the man I love care for our son...

he is such a wonderful father.

"Sometimes reality is so good,

it puts your dreams to shame."

~Anonymous~

I read this quote when we were still on the long journey to Matthew...and now I am living it!