In the Yard

We love playing in the yard.

When we are bored, or there's nothing to do or nowhere to go...

have no fear, we can play in the yard!

There are so many fun things in the yard,

like the sandbox, and the swing,

and other fun things like rocks...

(he found one and was saying "ooooooohhhhhh")

Yep, being in the yard makes us super happy!

You know what makes this mama happy?

Looking outside after dinner

and watching her darling hubby

playing with her sweet boy

in the sandbox

...so that she can lay in silence on the couch in the sunroom :)

Very Much "My Own"

There is a phrase that I hear fairly often when talking with people about adoption, or about general life things (such as how I feel about having a second child). I have heard it time and time again:

"Oh, it's the same when you have your own..."

Now, I'm really not one to stress over correct terminology, especially when it comes to adoption language. I think sometimes adoptive parents get upset about too many things and expect people to know the right things to say. I am certain that if I hadn't adopted, I wouldn't use terms like "birthmom" instead of "mom" or "real mom". So I don't get too bent out of shape when other people don't use the terms commonly used in the adoption world. (If you've said this phrase to me or are worried that you have said it...please don't worry about it!)

But this one, "your own", is one that kind of bugs me. I know exactly what people mean when they say it - they are referring to biological children. I know that, so I'm not mad at them when they say it. I know they don't mean anything by it, but somehow it still frustrates me, because it implies that a child is somehow more yours if you give birth to them. And truly, that could not be further from the truth.

Matthew is my child. Completely, totally, legally, forever all mine! I am convinced that I could not (and would not) love him more if I had given birth to him.

Last week at the bank, the teller was asking me about our adoption (which I love to talk about!) and she said, "So, do you really start to love him like he's your own?"

I truly almost started laughing because now the answer is so obvious to me that the question is almost ridiculous! But I didn't laugh, because I remember a time when I wondered the very same thing. Would I love him as my own? Would I feel differently about him than I would a biological child? I have never had a biological child, but somehow I know the answer anyway.

I just looked at Matthew, smiled, and said, "Yes. Yes, I love him as my very own."

Add Swimming to the List!

Today was so much fun! Some of my friends and their kids were heading to a swimming pool not far from our house so Matthew and I packed up our stuff and headed to the pool for a couple of hours. To say he loved it would be a complete understatement!

As I expected, he was kind of nervous about it at first. He wouldn't let go of my hand and did not want to sit down in the water. The pool we went to is so great for little kids as there is a really shallow part with a gradual slope and no steps. It was the perfect way to ease him in!

Soon he decided maybe sitting would be okay...

And it wasn't long until he was loving the fountains that were shooting out in all different directions.

I thought he might be upset when he got sprayed in his face, but to my surprise he started laughing and stuck his hands into the stream of water again so that it would spray him again!

Of course he had to find a step to go up and down, up and down...

I was scared I wouldn't get any pictures of him smiling, which would have been so sad because seriously he smiled and laughed so much. Then at the very end of the day, I got this photo:

After a couple of hours of playing, Matthew was so worn out. We headed home (literally a 4 minute drive) and as I pulled into the driveway I looked in the mirror and saw that he had fallen asleep! Now I know a good way to wear him out...

We will be heading to the pool again soon!

In the Waiting...Again!

Yesterday the motorcycle sold! *Sigh* Don't get me wrong - I am so thankful and excited that we were able to sell it. But I've got to tell you, there were a couple of emotional people watching it be driven away yesterday...and one of them was me! I knew Brad would be sad to see his baby go. I didn't expect to also feel really sad. I know it's just a thing, but Brad and I have had so many good memories on this bike. Our second date was on this bike (which I would not recommend - totally awkward riding a motorcycle with someone you hardly know!). Brad will have another bike someday, but for now he decided it wasn't all that practical and we could use the money for something pretty exciting...

Like starting our next adoption!!!!

Today we filled out the preliminary application to adopt again from South Korea! We decided it would be wonderful for Matthew to have a sibling from Korea, and also we are very excited to travel there with Matthew to meet our next child (our agency has changed their policy and escorting is no longer an option). With rumors floating around about Korea closing to international adoptions in 2012, we knew we wanted to start the process again as soon as we were able to.

Which would be today :)

Oh happy day! So excited to be back in the waiting!

We Accidentally Named Him "Stinky"

It was just one of those things. We never meant for it to happen. Somehow, somewhere along the line, my sweet baby boy's very special blanket/bear was given the name "Stinky".

Please, don't judge.

You see, this blanket really is stinky most of the time! I wash it (frequently!) and yet within hours of being loved by the little man (i.e. chewed on, slobbered on, kissed etc.) it is truly a stinky little blanket again!

I believe one day as I picked him and blankie up out of the crib I made a comment about "Wow, that's stinky!" which then turned into, "Let's go get your stinky blanket!" which turned into, "Where's Stinky?" (a question which, by the way, illicits a huge smile from Matthew and a frantic searching until he finds him.)

Here's the thing: "Stinky" is not a nice name for a little boy's special blanket. I know that! We just need a better, cuter name for him (notice the blanket is blue so of course it is a boy). The other day at the grocery store as I was getting Matthew out of the car, I informed him that "Stinky needs to stay in the car" and then realized how ridiculous I sounded!

So, it is time to rename poor Stinky.

I need your help, bloggy friends. What in the world can we call this sweet blanket/bear thing that Matthew so dearly loves? I have heard people call it a lovey, which is super adorable, but I'm pretty sure Brad will never say it. So I'm wondering...any other suggestions?

Highs and Lows from the Weekend

High: Spending Friday night at home with my boys looking forward to a weekend together.

Low: Storm Friday night which caused Brad to be called into work at 6am on Saturday morning (he works at a power company and lots of power was out in the area where he works).

High: Spending the afternoon with Brad's family for a potluck dinner.

Low: Brad missing his first ever Father's Day celebration.

High: Having my high-school friend Dana and her husband Michael come and stay for the night, getting to catch up and realize that no matter how long we've been apart we can always pick up right where we left off.

Low: Brad having to work until 11pm Saturday night.

High: Getting to go to church together as a family on Sunday.

Low: Brad getting called back into work again Sunday afternoon.

High: Brad coming home at 6pm and getting to watch a movie together with our little man.

Low: Matthew waking up at 10pm last night because he was so very itchy.

High: Finding out that shadow puppets on the bedroom wall make Matthew laugh hysterically! Having a special time just the three of us cuddled on our bed and knowing it is a memory I will hold onto forever.

High: (Look I'm out of lows!) Brad taking today off so that he could go to Matthew's dermatologist appointment with me. Getting new medication for Matthew so that hopefully we can help him feel better. Spending time with my boys and feeling so grateful. Not having Brad around has reminded me just what a great husband and father he really is. Our home is not the same when he is not here!

Passports, Running, and Belly Smacking Fun!

Coming up with titles for blog posts may just be my least favorite thing ever :)

Anyway, I have been sticking to the running and have been managing to go for 2 or 3 runs a week. Today I did my second run for the week and I was so excited to find that I am getting a bit faster! I ran two miles, and my first mile took 9:42 minutes and my second mile took 9:06 minutes! That is pretty good considering last year I was running 11-13 minute miles! I felt strong tonight and it was good to run.

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Yesterday I took Matthew to get his passport photos taken. Lovely experience. It is so stressful trying to get your 18-month-old to sit still in a chair and look at a stranger with a camera. Thankfully my sister came with me, but both of us were holding in the laughter by the end of it. The woman taking Matthew's photos was, um, how shall I say...grouchier than Oscar (the grouch that is). Not a happy lady. Did not even crack a smile when she saw my adorable baby. And then, as we're trying to get Matthew to look at the camera and not fuss, she says with a completely straight face, "He just needs to not cry."

Right...no problem. I mean, he is 18-months-old so I'm sure if I just tell him that...

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And finally, what is a post without a picture of the little mister? Here he is laughing so hard that he had to smack his belly in glee :)

The Joy of Summer

We are loving this beautiful weather! Seventy degree days, sunshine and cool breezes...it doesn't get much better than that! Today we went to the park, came home and ate dinner, and then went right back outside to play. Brad took Matthew out while I cleaned up from dinner, and when I looked out I just had to smile, as this is what I saw...

Yes, a happy boy swinging with his elephant!

Mr. Elephant accompanied Matthew around the yard,

and almost took a swim in the pool by accident!

It was the perfect end to the day.

Up and Down, Up and Down

Matthew is a cautious little boy who loves to explore...but only when Mommy or Daddy is very close by! He's not a climber, and usually sticks really close to us, especially in new situations. His new fascination is with steps. He loves to find one little step and go up and down, up and down, up and down that one step until Mommy or Daddy finally says it's time to move on!

I love my little boy! I love watching him do new things. He gets so excited and claps for himself when he accomplishes something new for the first time (yep, Brad and I are clappers! We joke sometimes that he will probably still clap for himself in middle school when he does something new!). This age is wonderful and I am loving every minute of it!

The Day

It was finally time.

The day had arrived at last.

We saw his face.

The face of our son,

The face of the child we had prayed for

And waited for.

But as we started out that day,

June 12, 2009,

Exactly one year ago

We had no idea

That it was the day!

I arrived at work that Friday morning as I did any other day. I was {surprisingly} a few minutes early, so I decided to check my personal email. As the page opened up, my eyes immediately went to the name of one of the social workers from our agency. I knew that name well, as she often sent out emails about upcoming events and training. That's what I expected when I opened it up.

My breath caught in a quick gasp as I suddenly realized this was an altogether different kind of email. A wonderful email. An email I had not expected to be in my inbox on that Friday morning. It was an email with 4 waiting children. Four babies who needed families. One girl and three boys. And one of those babies was our Matthew.

My heart lurched as the reality hit me. I remembered the words of my social worker just one week earlier. We were the 10th family waiting for a referral. We were the third family who was open to children with minor/correctable special needs. Or did she say there were three families ahead of us....I couldn't remember! But I believed that at long last, we were in a position where we might be able to be matched with one of these babies (they match them with the family that is interested who has the oldest homestudy).

I was speechless...almost! I quickly called Brad and told him about the email. I wondered if at this point he would change his mind about the special needs, but he didn't. Instead, he told me to call the woman who had sent out the email and ask if we might be able to be matched with one of the children, and if so, to ask for more information about them. With shaking hands I called her, and was very excited to hear that it was our time. We were one of the families with the oldest homestudies! We requested information about three of the children, and I sat and waited anxiously for Brad to arrive at the church so that we could open the email files together.

We opened the files together, smiling at the beautiful babies, crying as we read their stories and learned about their birth families, hoping that possibly one of them might be our child, but afraid as well to hope too much. There had been so much disappointment in the last 4 years on our journey to become a family....you get kind of scared to hope after a while.

After visiting a pediatrician with all three files, we made the decision that we would be overjoyed to be matched with any of the babies. In my heart, I felt certain that we were going to have a boy. After letting our agency know, the longest week of our lives began. We had to wait one week until our agency's waiting child committee would meet to match these children with families. Let me just say, it was agony.

For that whole week, I carried around the pictures of those three children folded up in my pocket. I prayed for them, I prayed for us, I prayed for the decision that was going to be made. I pulled out those pieces of paper so frequently that little Matthew's face is all creased up!

One year ago today I think might have been the longest day ever for me. Brad was at work, and I just about drove myself crazy waiting for the phone to ring. Around lunch time I headed over to a friend's garage sale just to be with people for a while. Still no call. I returned home, and called my sister-in-law Karen to see if she would come and keep me company. I am so glad I called her - she kept me from losing it I'm sure!

I was eating crackers when the call came. I felt like I was about to be sick, and part of me almost didn't want to pick up in case the answer was no. Obviously though I just had to know!!!!

I will never, ever forget the amazing words of my social worker when I picked up the phone:

We have a baby!

I was outside on the back steps, and I just had to sit down! I couldn't believe it! She told me which baby was mine, and I raced inside, grabbed the piece of paper with Matthew's picture on it, burst into tears, and started saying some sort of jibberish like "He's my baby! This one's mine!" I ran into the living room, showed the picture to Karen, and we both cried and cried as I tried to listen to my social worker tell me about the next steps. Seriously, does this look like the face of someone who is hearing anything the social worker is saying?!?!?!?!

It was a magical, amazing day. To know that at long last, I was a mom...it was incredible. I told my social worker this was the best phone call I could ever receive, to which she replied that it would be the second best phone call ever. In confusion I asked how any call could be better than this one. "Just wait until your travel call!" she responded. Turns out, she was right!

I thank God every day for my Matthew. I thank Him for the times He answered "No" to my prayers so that He could say "Yes" at last and bring me this little boy. I thank Him for pushing us out of our comfort zone and allowing us the joy of being Matthew's parents. Oh, what we could have missed.

As for Matthew's "special needs" - he was born four weeks early and has asthma. I cannot believe this placed him on the waiting child list, but there you have it.

My heart is more open than ever to adopting a child with special needs. We are praying about what that means for next time, but this is what I know: I want the child that God has for me, and I don't want to miss out because of fear. I am so excited to see where the Lord will take us next!

A Change of Heart: Adopting a Waiting Child

I think I will always remember the day that God got hold of my heart and took the fear out of the term "special needs" for me.

We had been in the adoption process for several months, had completed our homestudy, and had decided that we were hoping to adopt a "normal/healthy" child as young as possible. We had agonized over the checklist that was part of our homestudy in which we had to say which (if any) special needs we were open to. We talked and went over the list, and in the end decided that we would not check off anything on the list. To be honest, we were scared, and we didn't know what we could or could not handle. So we did what we thought was best for our family, and that was that.

Or at least, that's what we thought.

God, however, had another plan for us.

For a couple of years, we have sponsored a little girl through Harmony Outreach, a ministry that works in China and cares for abandoned children with special needs. Many of them have cleft lips and palettes, or heart problems, or were born prematurely. I heard about this ministry from Focus on the Family years ago and soon found my heart being drawn to them and the love and care that they show to so many children.

Anyway, we would get a newsletter every few months from Harmony Outreach that showed the children in their care, how they were progressing, the needs of the ministry, etc. Each time I saw these newsletters, I felt a little prick in my heart. Each time I saw the faces of real children who just happened to have some special needs, I felt God doing something in my heart. One day I realized that my view had changed - I no longer saw the challenges these children faced, I saw the children. Beautiful, special children created by God.

Fast forward to the end of 2008. We had completed our homestudy and had begun the long wait to a referral. I don't know what day or what month it was, but I remember the night like it was yesterday.

The house was quiet and dark. It was late, and Brad had gone to bed. I often find this is a time when I can just be alone with God and pray. I was sitting in the living room, praying about the adoption, praying for our future child, and suddenly I just knew. I remember standing up after praying and just knowing what we had to do. I knew we needed to be open to some special needs, and I didn't know what that meant, but one thing clearly resounded in my head and in my heart: if we weren't open then we might miss something incredible.

Oh, how thankful I am that my dear husband was willing to be open to the possibility of adopting a waiting child who may have some special needs. The Lord has changed my perspective on so many things through this adoption and I am so grateful. It brings tears to my eyes to think what we would have missed if we had been too scared to follow God's leading.

Tomorrow is a special day for us as it was exactly one year ago tomorrow that we saw our son's face for the very first time! At the time, everything was overwhelming and uncertain so I could not share the details of everything that was happening. But tomorrow I look forward to sharing with you the joy of that day, the agony of the long week that followed, and the amazing day we call referral day!

Funny Friday {Matthew Loves Blueberries!}

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Walking the Dog

Now that Matthew is 18-months-old, he is obviously ready to handle some responsibilities...like walking the dog :) We went to the park today with Daisie and Matthew was very excited to take over for a little bit.

More like for about a minute. I love this picture because it's like Daisie is looking at him telling him, "Um...you're supposed to hold onto that!"

All was going well until Daisie's nose got interested in some kind of scent. Poor little Matthew's legs just couldn't keep up with her! Daddy decided to walk Daisie for the rest of the time at the park, even though Matthew did very well with his first dog-walking experience :)

Needing Some Relief

Sometimes it seems that we are on a never-ending quest to get this little boy healthy. It's nothing major, just the ongoing battles of asthma and allergies and eczema. This time, it's the eczema giving us (or rather I should say "him") trouble.

The dermatologist told us that about 80% of kids find that their skin gets better in the summer. Poor Matthew seems to have found himself in the unlucky 20% of kids who get worse. It is so hard to see him so uncomfortable and to not be able to do anything about it. We do absolutely everything the doctor tells us to do, but still he is not getting relief.

Today we went for his 18 month check-up, and I was so thankful that our pediatrician realized that it is not getting better and decided to refer us to a pediatric dermatologist at a university hospital (we hear wonderful things about them, too!). She was able to get us an appointment there in a couple of weeks which is so great - this little boy needs some help soon! He is so itchy that he scratches until he bleeds. I hope that we can get him feeling better, and fast!

His Majesty, King Matthew

Matthew has invented a new game that he loves to play almost every day. I'm not sure how he thought of it or why he started doing it, but Brad and I just laugh every time he wants to play.

His game goes a little something like this: he brings his Cars blanket over to us, says "more more more!" very emphatically, hands us the blanket, turns around, and waits for us to drape it over his shoulders. Then he proceeds to walk around the room, holding onto the blanket with his train following behind him and a big grin on his face. We always laugh and say how he just likes to be the king of this castle. And now, I present to you: King Matthew!

A New Discovery

Matthew has two obsessions at the moment: choo choo's (trains) and elephants. Kind of random, but for some reason those are favorites at the moment.

Imagine his absolute joy when we discovered that a local park has some animal statues that kids can play on...one of them being an elephant!!!!!! We spent the morning there yesterday and he was just beside himself with excitement. You wouldn't guess it from the pictures, though!

I think if it would have fit in the car, we might have had to take it home with us :)

The picture above is Matthew making the elephant noise. He likes to put his hand on his mouth or cheek to make the trunk instead of stretching his arm out in front of him, but hey, he's got the noise right!

We had the best time together at the park! It is so much fun hanging out with my little man. We are starting to be able to have conversations...admittedly most of the time they are about elephants, or choo choo's, or him asking for more of one of those two things...but still, we're communicating! I just love spending time with my little guy.

And of course, we had to take Daddy to the park today to show him the elephant...

My Big Boy

18-months-old

So full of fun

Always keeping your mama

On the run

Always making me laugh

Filling life with such joy

And melting my heart

With your smile, little boy

So thankful each day

God knows that it's true

I can't seem to remember

Me without you

A Whirlwind Trip

Well, we made it! We traveled to North Carolina, which took us about 13 hours of driving, spent two days there, and then came back...and we didn't lose our sanity! Little Matthew was a champ and other than one meltdown on the way there and one {major} meltdown on the way back, he really did so great. The secrets to a great car ride with Matthew: snacks, sippy cups, books, and hours on end of Thomas the Tank Engine. If I never hear that theme song again...it will be too soon!

We had a wonderful trip and learned a lot about traveling with a little one. It is SO different than vacationing as just the two of you, that's for sure! I was nervous about how Matthew would do with sleeping away from home, but thankfully he was so exhausted he went out like a light every night and slept through in his pack and play just fine. He also managed to entertain himself every evening and morning with just a few books...because his ever-so-bright momma forget to pack any TOYS!!!

We took this vacation with Brad's brother, Josh, his wife, Amanda, their two kids, and Brad and Josh's longtime friend, Shawn. It was so fun for Matthew to have friends to play with! We went to a kids discovery place that had lots of fun activities for them, and Matthew's favorite thing of the day was a little bridge that had some steps and hills for him to walk over. He thoroughly enjoyed his time on the bridge!

On Saturday we spent the day at several Nascar race shops. Now, Nascar is Brad and Josh's favorite...me, I could take Nascar or leave it. Actually, I could very easily leave it. But Brad loves it, so it was fun for me to see him so excited about all the Nascar-y stuff there was around Charlotte. I enjoyed the non-Nascar stuff like this little picnic we had outside one of the race shops :)

This is our niece, Emma. She is so sweet with Matthew and by the end of the trip, Matthew kept going up to her to give her a hug (and vice versa!). Such a cutie!

This little guy is Matthew's cousin, Ben. He is such a ham! He has the best laugh and he is the fastest moving kid I have ever seen! It was so fun watching him and Matthew interact.

Brad, Josh, and Shawn went to a Nascar race on Sunday night while Amanda and I took the kids shopping. Brad came home very late and was so excited because his driver, Kurt Busch, won the race! We got Matthew this little outfit and this picture just cracked me up - he looks like he is saying, "I told you Kurt was going to win!"

We had a lot of fun but I must admit I was happy to see our house yesterday. Vacation is fun but it is always so good to come home again!