Where to start...I have asked myself that a lot over the last few days. I may as well just be honest and say that this has not been easy. In fact, these last couple of days have been downright difficult. Many tears have been shed from all of us as we begin to adjust to being a family of four. In the midst of that, we have seen glimpses of hope and at times I even let myself believe that one day it will be okay again. That totally sounds overdramatic...but it is the truth of where we are at right now.
Things went very well until we got on the airplane. Nathan is 17 months old, so he knows that his life has been dramatically changed. He wasn't asked if he wanted to leave his home, his comfort, the woman he thought was his forever mommy. He was just taken from it one day and put in our arms. And let me tell you, that really ticked him off. Who can really blame him for being mad at the world right now? I know I can't. But that doesn't really make this any easier.
When we got home (after the longest day of my life), Nathan was totally overwhelmed. He ran around the house screaming (sometimes mad, sometimes with glee as he explored) and was just totally overstimulated. I wondered if that was just his personality, if that's what we needed to get used to, but after a couple of days with him I am pretty sure it was just the shock of everything he'd been through. He has settled down considerably, although he is still a busy little guy :)
We decided pretty quickly that we were just going to hunker down at home for a while, just the four of us, and let Nathan have time to adjust. He gets totally overwhelmed when even one other person is around. Our house is a total wreck, making sure everyone gets fed at every meal feels almost impossible, but we are just not worrying too much about stuff at the moment and we are just playing with the boys, holding them, taking them out in the yard, and trying to survive. Yesterday was a big improvement on Wednesday, and today was a little improvement on yesterday, so I'm hopeful that things are moving in the right direction, but man is this hard.
In the midst of the hard, though, there are many moments of good. We have seen a lot of smiles from Nathan and he seems to be relaxing a little bit. Today he didn't scream or cry when he woke up, which we thought was a good sign :) Can you imagine going to sleep and waking up in different places all the time for days? It must have been so scary for him.
One last thing - speaking of sleep, this kid ROCKS in the sleep department. Seriously, he is already adjusted to the time change (from our first night at the hotel) and has been going to bed between 8-9pm and sleeping until 8-10am, waking up once for about an hour in the middle of the night. I can't believe this and I am so thankful. Mono and no sleep do not go well together, so I am amazed that we are actually feeling pretty rested. In an exhausted sort of way.
So, enough blabbering. Here are a few pictures of our little cutie pie :) Please note the airplane picture - that one cracks me up because it is not a good representation of how the flight went!
This last one has to be my favorite one ever. I have spent so much time over the last several days just staring at this little boy as he sleeps, praying for him, growing in my love for him, and believing that one day I will know him and love him and not be able to imagine my life without him. We're getting there, one day at a time!
10 comments:
I know how hard it can be, especially in the beginning! One day at a time is exactly the way to think of it! He is a precious boy. I am here if you ever want to chat!
Going from one to two was so, so hard. So I get it. And being sick on top of that - wow. It's awesome that he is sleeping, it is great that the four of you are able to just hunker down and adjust, and that day will come when you will know Nathan and know how to be a family of four. If there is anything I can do to help (from afar), let me know. Hang in there!
Those pictures are precious! Yay for a good sleeper!!! Praying for you guys! Sorry it is rough, praying for more and more baby smiles everyday because they really make everything better!
The beginning is so incredibly hard. And like Yvonne said, from one to two is just heartbreaking. You'll have lots of hard days. And even when things have gotten better, there will still be tough times. But like you said, these first few days are all about survival. Do what you need to to get through the days, and before you know it, the new normal will have arrived.
If you ever need a listening ear, I am more than happy to be here. We've been through a lot of what you're going through now, and I'm an open book when it comes to our experience.
Hope things improve each and every day.
Reading this reminds me so much of what it was like when the boys had just come home. There were many hard days with moments of joy.. and then the times of joy eventually started to outweigh the hard... and then the new normal came. You described it best "one day at a time". My boys also hated others coming to our home, or other touching them.. so hard. So glad he is finally home in your arms. He is just precious. Congratulations, hugs, prayers.
I've been following your blog for a long time! I also have two little boys close in age, as you do. Its a challenge everyday. You will will have hard days and will cry and you will have amazing. But as they get older, as I've noticed, you get more of the amazing and less of the hard! Congrats on your sweetness!
From a Mommy who has been there--- HUGS!
That last picture is breathtaking. Having your life change so drastically at Nathan's age. . . well, I can't even imagine what that would feel like. I have no doubt you are giving him every comfort and security that you can, and with time, Nathan will trust again.
Oh my goodness...that last shot...took my breath away. What an angel sleeping there. Wow! Nathan...you are amazing.
Thank you for sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly with your recent days. I cannot imagine how hard it has been...for all of you, but mostly for your new sweet little guy. Wow. So much change. So fast. But...you are doing GREAT! I'm glad you are slowly seeing improvement. Hugs to you as you keep going forward...one day at a time.
But...I just have to add...his SLEEP? Amazing!!!! I'm completely jealous...seriously. D has NEVER slept like that...never. :-)
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