A Little Bit of Real...

I was talking with a dear friend of mine tonight about being real with people. It is something that we've been talking about at church a lot over the last year and has been a recurring theme in many conversations I've had with people.  I've often thought that I do a good job of being "real" with people, but have been realizing lately that so many times, I put on a face, pretend that things aren't hurting or frustrating me, and try to be what I think people want me to be. Being real is not as easy as I once thought.

A glimpse into the "real" Rachel at the moment:

• Feeling moments of freaking out about the adoption.  Major fear that we are not doing the right thing or that it will not be what I expect.  So tired of waiting and so tired of empty arms.
• Thankful for a husband who is calm and steady, keeping me on track when I want to flip out.
• Often feeling overwhelmed with housework and trying to be the wife I would like to be, and then feeling guilty for being overwhelmed because I don't even have kids yet and I feel like I should be able to handle it.
• Tired of the extreme ups and downs in my walk with the Lord.  Finding consistency a struggle and longing for a closer relationship with Him.
• Feeling SO blessed with a job I love and co-workers and bosses who are kind, compassionate, and encouraging.

The "real" stuff isn't always bad stuff - but it's just that those more difficult things are easier to keep hidden.  The only problem with me is that I don't hide it very well when things are wrong, so people know I am lying when I say that nothing is wrong!

I am praying this week that the Lord will help me to tear down the walls that I so often put up so that I can have real relationships that are not just surface-level.