As we are in this waiting period for Nathan to come home, I am thinking and learning a lot about the way I face unknowns. Truth be told, I hate the unknown. I don't like not knowing what we are going to face in the future - will it be easy when he comes home, or will his adjustment be very difficult? Will our bonding with him happen quickly, or will it take a while? How will Matthew adjust to everything? Will I be okay with not sleeping again????
Most of these were questions I had before Matthew came home as well, but with Nathan there are other dynamics. We are walking a new journey as we adopt him because we are facing some pretty big unknowns in the area of his medical condition. We know that he was born with a condition called Microtia, that his ears are malformed, and that he has pretty significant hearing loss. But until he gets here, we really don't know what we are dealing with as far his hearing. He has had three BAER (brainstem auditory evoked response) tests, which is a way for them to test his hearing even while he is very young. From the first test, his results showed severe hearing loss, while the other two (more recent) showed that he has more hearing and is in the moderate range. We have seen from his video that he does hear sounds, but until he is here, we really don't know what is ahead for us as a family. Sign language? Hearing aids? Surgery? Possibly any (or all) of these.
As we begin this new journey, it is easy for me to begin to fear. It is easy to let thoughts of "can we handle this?" come into my head. The more I think and pray about it, though, the more I realize that we are not walking this road alone. God has led us to Nathan and we believe He will be faithful to guide us and help us every step of the way.
When we first started looking at the list of special needs, we tried to determine what we thought we could handle. But how can you ever know what you can handle until you're right in the middle of it? I would have told you that I couldn't handle life-threatening food allergies. Or maybe that I just didn't want to handle them. And yet here we are, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for my little boy, because he is my son. I feel confident that when I have Nathan in my arms, because he is my son, I will do whatever I need to do to take care of him. God will give me the strength, and with His help I will be able to handle it.
During the days when we were praying about moving forward with Nathan's adoption, I was reminded of two verses that were very familiar but so needed at the time:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9
"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
I used to say "I could never..." when I thought of adopting kids with special needs. I really didn't know this is the path God would lead us, but I am learning that instead of saying "I could never..." to something to say "If God wants me to, He will give me what I need..." I believe we may be in for some new challenges when Nathan comes home, but I also know that there will be joy and blessings I cannot even imagine once that little boy is in my life. We are so thankful that God brought us to him!
12 comments:
I stand by my statement: the special needs that you can handle are the ones your child has. Microtia/hearing loss was on my list of what i could handle. Neurological disorders was NOT, yet here I am....and we are handling it....and you will too. So happy to be along for your journey!
I loved this post. What if you had said no to food allergies? Could you even imagine your life without Matthew? I'm guessing your answer to that question would be a big NO. :)
During our adoption process, I said no to special needs, or disease, or anything. And although our boy is pretty healthy, there are things there, and I'm honestly grateful I didn't know previously cause I may have said no. And I honestly couldn't imagine another son being more perfect for my family.
I'm wishing you a lot of peace as you deal with this period of uncertainty.
We've dealt with mild hearing loss with our DD (not a big deal, but we were unsure for a while). If it was moderate or severe, we'd deal with it . You'll be able to deal with it once it's there. I honestly believe the unknown ahead of time is one of the hardest times. Of course there will be challenges, possibly big ones, but you'll be able to handle it. God will be with you always and His ways are perfect. Sending up a prayer.
You and your husband will do great with Nathan! None of us know what God has in store for our lives as we live each day, but God will supply all of our needs! When we were adopting Jackson, we specifically requested a hearing impaired little boy and we didn't even consider any other special need. While in China traveling with other families, we were blessed to have God open our eyes to new special needs and ages that we previously thought that we couldn't handle. It's a journey that you travel one day at a time, one appointment at a time, one phone call at a time with doctors, audiologists, and insurance company workers! As I'm sure it's been with Matthew's food allergies and having to learn to shop differently and cook differently, so it will be with a hearing impaired child, it will just become a part of your life together, a part of your family! I was getting frustrated recently with Jackson's speech development and maybe somewhat grieving him not being a hearing child that can easily tell us what he is thinking when I listened to a video blog by Gwen Oatsvall at www.oatsvallteam.blogspot.com
They are awaiting hearing aids for their recently adopted little boy and I was reminded through her blog about how joyful my little Jackson is despite his special need! Your family will do GREAT!
I completely needed to hear this today and will possibly post on why a bit later. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They have certainly been a pat on the back and push in the right direction for me today!!
You and Elizabeth are so right: you handle what you're given. And you'll do it well :)
I had to giggle at the question "Will I be okay with not sleeping again?" I hate to tell you, but um... it's going to happen whether you're ready or not :)
I can tell that, because you're already thinking about Nathan and his issues, you'll be great at handling them. Do all the research on hearing loss you can now, so you'll be that much more prepared when he's home. I hate to say that the long wait ahead of you is a gift, but maybe it is? Extra time to prepare for his arrival!
I've said it before and I'll say it again: PLEASE feel free to ask me anything! Olive has microtia and hearing loss, and Ingrid is hearing impaired, so we've been through this in a couple different ways. YES, it is challenging, but YES you can do it! I'm here for you if you need me :)
I love those quotes from the bible. They fit perfectly. What an inspiration you are to all of the "I'd never" people out there (including me :)
You are going to do awesome with this. You aren't doing it in your own strength. As I have heard about and talked with you about the journey that God has lead you on in becoming Nathan's mom I have so clearly seen His hand in all of it. He is already equipping you for what he knew was in your future from the very beginning.
I am always here if you need some one to talk to. Special needs can be intimidating - but what a privilege to be a part of something so amazing...
I love this post. Reminds me of Isaiah 43: 1-3
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior
The unknowns are so scary, but your right in that you WILL handle it because he is your son. Jae-min is a 27 week preemie, there were tons of unknowns when we accepted his referral. But..we knew he was our son and we could handle it for him.
I think the fact that you are thinking about these things and planning for your little Nathan means you will do GREAT with him. I am an Audiologist, so if you EVER have ANY questions about his test results, recommendations, etc...I'd be more than happy to try to answer them. I also grew up with a sister with hearing loss (from birth), so I have the family perspective too.
There are SO many amazing things for children with hearing loss. First, do some research to find a GOOD pediatric audiologist and a GOOD pediatric otolaryngologist (ENT). They will be present in your life for a long time. I suspect they may want to repeat some of his testing when he comes home, but definitely get copies of the reports, etc...from Korea. Children require frequent re-testing and monitoring in order to make the best and most up-to-date recommendations for intervention. Also, look into early intervention services through your public school system. If it is like our state, they'll come and do an assessment of him (at this age, very likely in the home) and figure out what services he'll need. Early = better!
Hugs to you as you face the unknowns. Knowledge is power...you are doing GREAT!
I can only imagine how scary it is to think of being the parent of a child with hearing problems! The good news is, there are a lot of good doctores in this area for kids!! You will be amazing! Ask Jennie if you have any questions! All of her babies were born with severe hearing loss, and while it has gotten significantly better it is still up in the air!
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