Too Long!

I while ago, I was over at a friend’s house for a meal (this friend is also a bloggy friend so she will soon know this story is about her family!). This friend has three darling children who were quite talkative this evening. Our friend came up with a great idea – why don’t we play the quiet game? You know the one – who can go the longest without talking! A favorite of parents everywhere I am sure!

So the game started, and all was quiet. Minutes went by, and suddenly my friend’s eldest daughter burst into tears! We were all kind of surprised, because it was obvious that nothing bad had happened – we’d all been sitting there not talking!

Her dad asked her what happened and why she was crying.

Her response: “It’s been too long!”

I was thinking about this the other day, because it almost perfectly parallels something that happened in my life a week ago. No, I was not making Brad play the quiet game! But I did have my own “It’s been too long!” moment.

For whatever reason, the holiday season has seemed to be particularly difficult for me as I’ve walked this path of infertility. It is a time when more than ever the longing in my heart seems to kick in full strength and my arms just feel especially empty. It is also hard because this time of year is a marker for me – we just reached the three year mark. Overall, these last few months have been so good, my heart has been at peace, I have learned to trust in the Lord and have not struggled too much with the sadness I used to feel.

And then all of a sudden, that was gone. In a moment, the pain was back as fresh as ever, and I found myself crying out to the Lord, “It’s been too long! I can’t wait anymore! When is this going to come to an end?”

How thankful I am that He is the God of all comfort, that I can come to Him with my hurts and find a place of refuge and strength. It has been a difficult week, but it’s good because it has caused me to grasp the hand of my God more tightly. He is good and has given me some very special people in my life who have held me as I’ve cried and who have reminded me of the amazing things God is doing in our lives because of this pain. It is not for nothing – He is using it to change me, and He is leading us down an incredible path to a child who will be our very own!

One last thought – on this difficult day when I was wondering if the Lord knew of the pain in my heart or heard me crying out to Him, a verse stood out to me very clearly as I read:

“The Lord is near.” Phil 4:5

A short verse, but oh so sweet!