New

This month brought many new things along with it so I thought I'd share a few...

There have been many new things for us to experience with Matthew.  Most are wonderful...new words, new activities, new skills.  Some are, how shall we say, more on the challenging side.  One new development is that he is suddenly experiencing separation anxiety on a much bigger level than ever before.  Most of the time it happens if I leave, but it has now started being a problem at bedtime as well.  My heart hurts to hear him scream "Mama!" whenever I leave him (even if he's staying with Daddy!).  

He's also developed a wonderful new affection for us, though.  He has started giving the biggest hugs and tons and tons of kisses without us asking.  It is the best!

As he grows from a baby into a toddler, we are having our first real experiences with the challenges of parenting.  Little man recently learned the word "No!" and likes to use it frequently.  The smooth transition to a toddler bed was, unfortunately, fairly short lived, and after a few weeks with no issues we have suddenly found ourselves battling every night to get him to go to bed and stay in bed.  I hate the parenting challenges that mess with sleep...they are not cool!

Thankfully, during the day this little guy is happy as can be for the most part.  We are so blessed to have Matthew as our child and I just love seeing him grow!  He turns 2 on Thursday...but I'm not ready to talk about that yet!

Some new pictures from Thanksgiving.  Matthew had a blast playing with his Uncle Josh and all his cousins.   Josh had Matthew laughing so hard - I just sat and watched and enjoyed the sounds of these little ones having so much fun.

We also spent some time this weekend at my parent's house.  Matthew found a new love - candy canes are pretty fabulous!

The traditional trip to get the Christmas tree with my family was a lot of fun but super cold - can you see Matthew?  He's that bundle wrapped up in a blanket.  

One more new thing for this month - at the beginning of the month I set a running goal for myself (be able to run 2 miles by the end of the month) and yesterday I was able to meet that goal!  I was so happy and felt so good, except for the knee pain I am still battling.  So annoying.  My goal for December is to run twice a week and do some form of exercise one other day a week (walking, work out at home).  

I really need to start posting more often so that I don't have so much to say each time!  Thanks for sticking with me :)

It's Been a While...

It's been a while since my last post, and I wish I could say it was because of something fabulous like I was on a trip to Hawaii or something, but unfortunately there were only two factors keeping me from blogging this last week - sickness, and the fact that the computer is all the way in the basement!  We have all been fighting something yucky for the past few days but I believe today I can finally say we've kicked it.

Thankfully, the last week hasn't been all bad.  Actually, it's been pretty great in many ways!  My parents came for a quick visit, I got to go to a lovely lunch with our adoption/foster care group at church, and best of all...we got a new video of our sweet Nathan!

I wanted to post about it, but truthfully the emotions in seeing his face just kind of floored me.  When we first put the video in I was smiling, and within 5 seconds I was just a teary mess :)  He is absolutely gorgeous, and to see him at 10 months old was very different than seeing him at 5 months old.  He is now sitting, able to stand while holding onto something, he was engaged and playing with toys and just smiling up a storm!  My heart ached to realize I have missed his first haircut, his first tooth, seeing him learn to sit up and crawl...there are so many firsts I will miss and I just hate that.  In my head I know that once he is here there will be many more firsts for us to experience with him, but right now I hate that I am missing out on even one more minute with him.  

We also got some new pictures of him, and every time I see them I just can't stop smiling.  Every day that passes brings me one day closer to him, and yet the closer I get to having him in my arms the harder it seems to be!  

Matthew loves to watch his little brother and I'm so glad we have these videos and pictures.  I don't think he has any idea what we're talking about when we say Nathan is going to come and live here :)  But I hope that they will be great friends.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving...and truly I have so much to be thankful for this year!

November

November is one of my favorite months of the year.  Did you know that it is National Adoption Month?  Until a few years ago, I didn't.  For me, November is a time to celebrate adoption, to share about adoption, and to remember our journey.

Five years ago this November we decided it was time...we were ready to start a family!

Four years ago this November my heart was breaking as a year had passed and we officially stepped into the world of infertility.  This was also the month that I started thinking about adoption seriously, and since it was National Adoption Month it seemed like everyone was talking about adoption all of a sudden.  I talked to Brad about it, but for him it wasn't time yet.

Three years ago this November was one of the most difficult times of my life, as our attempted infertility treatment had failed and we were left wondering where to go next.   But my amazing husband surprised me by announcing that he was ready to pursue adoption, and after that there was no looking back!

Two years ago this November we had completed our home study and we were waiting for a referral.  Oh, the agony of the wait!

One year ago this November I had my sweet Matthew in my arms at last!  My heart was so full...and I was so tired!

And this November...

Yep, this November is the best one on record!  I have the joy of being mommy to this precious boy and I am waiting to bring home my second son.  Adoption has changed my life, filled my heart, and taught me so much about love.  As I look back to where I was five years ago, I wish I could tell that Rachel, "Just hold on...it will be okay."  Actually, WAY better than okay!

Me and My Lame Blog Post

Hi there...this might be a lame one!  No pictures...but some great news!

Today I received our official acceptance papers in the mail from our placement agency :)  We had over 20 documents to sign and have notarized, but they are all back on the way to the agency tonight and we are SUPER close to being officially matched with Nathan!  I have had some weird emotions today.  Longing for him to be home...total fear and wondering how this will be...the almost two-year-old who had several tantrums today didn't help my confidence level!!!  It's strange that signing papers could make my heart ache more.

So now we wait...eight more months.

Oh, and my not so great news of the day - we had to sign a document saying that we realize it would be inappropriate for us to share Nathan's picture on a blog.  Until the adoption is finalized.  Holy smokes that is a long time from now.  So I am going to have to figure out how to stay interesting on here without pictures of cute little boys.  That may be difficult!

Onto something more cheerful!  I've taken up running again.  The same thing always happens when I've been away from it for a while.  I hear about friends/bloggy friends who are running, and I start to think, "Hmmmm".  Then I see people out running and I think, "I used to do that...I wonder if I could do that again?".  Then I read an article or a blog about running and I think, "I have got to go running RIGHT NOW!".  I went running 4 times last week, but just short ones.  It's amazing how long it takes me to build up endurance and how quickly I lose it.  I really wish it worked in reverse :)

What else...I have a new niece!  She was born yesterday and she is so adorable!

That's the news of the week.  

A Fun Day Out

Thank you all for your encouraging comments...they were so appreciated!

I had a lovely morning with Matthew, my sister Joanna, and some friends from church at my new favorite place...it is described as a children's museum but it is way more fun than the word "museum" implies :)  Only a short 20 minute drive from our house, I am not sure how we have missed this place until now, but I am feeling much more confident that we will manage to survive the long winter now that we have discovered it.

With large, open rooms, places for kids to climb and all kinds of toys that Matthew could not break, I was able to enjoy his exploration for once instead of trying to keep him reigned in.  You should have seen the look on his face when we suddenly came upon a great big train table!  With a breathless "Choo choo!" he raced to the table and with great concentration he began lining up the trains.  I thought for sure that would be it for the day, but after a while he was happy to move on to something else...for a while.  We returned to the train table many times!

Another favorite activity of the morning was pushing a big truck down a slide.  Sometimes I find it so funny to see which things really crack him up!

There were tunnels to crawl through and explore...

Musical instruments to be {loudly} played...

and a water table that was almost as much fun

as the train table.  Almost.

Having my sister Joanna along was so much fun!

She helped Matthew get ready for the water table...

I think maybe I need to buy him an apron like this for home

just because it's so cute!

There was so much more to explore and enjoy and we didn't even get to all the different play areas!  I am really looking forward to taking my little man there again soon!

Unknowns

As we are in this waiting period for Nathan to come home, I am thinking and learning a lot about the way I face unknowns.  Truth be told, I hate the unknown.  I don't like not knowing what we are going to face in the future - will it be easy when he comes home, or will his adjustment be very difficult?  Will our bonding with him happen quickly, or will it take a while?  How will Matthew adjust to everything?  Will I be okay with not sleeping again????

Most of these were questions I had before Matthew came home as well, but with Nathan there are other dynamics.  We are walking a new journey as we adopt him because we are facing some pretty big unknowns in the area of his medical condition.  We know that he was born with a condition called Microtia, that his ears are malformed, and that he has pretty significant hearing loss.  But until he gets here, we really don't know what we are dealing with as far his hearing.  He has had three BAER (brainstem auditory evoked response) tests, which is a way for them to test his hearing even while he is very young.  From the first test, his results showed severe hearing loss, while the other two (more recent) showed that he has more hearing and is in the moderate range.  We have seen from his video that he does hear sounds, but until he is here, we really don't know what is ahead for us as a family.  Sign language?  Hearing aids?  Surgery?  Possibly any (or all) of these.  

As we begin this new journey, it is easy for me to begin to fear.  It is easy to let thoughts of "can we handle this?" come into my head.  The more I think and pray about it, though, the more I realize that we are not walking this road alone.  God has led us to Nathan and we believe He will be faithful to guide us and help us every step of the way.

When we first started looking at the list of special needs, we tried to determine what we thought we could handle.  But how can you ever know what you can handle until you're right in the middle of it?  I would have told you that I couldn't handle life-threatening food allergies.  Or maybe that I just didn't want to handle them.  And yet here we are, and there is nothing I wouldn't do for my little boy, because he is my son.  I feel confident that when I have Nathan in my arms, because he is my son, I will do whatever I need to do to take care of him.  God will give me the strength, and with His help I will be able to handle it.

During the days when we were praying about moving forward with Nathan's adoption, I was reminded of two verses that were very familiar but so needed at the time:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

"So do not fear, for I am with you; 
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

I used to say "I could never..." when I thought of adopting kids with special needs.  I really didn't know this is the path God would lead us, but I am learning that instead of saying "I could never..." to something to say "If God wants me to, He will give me what I need..."  I believe we may be in for some new challenges when Nathan comes home, but I also know that there will be joy and blessings I cannot even imagine once that little boy is in my life.  We are so thankful that God brought us to him!