Worth it All

The paperwork continues.  Just when I thought I was making good progress, we had our first home study visit and our social worker provided us with a nice double-sided list of more documents we needed to provide, fill out, or send away for.  This adoption has by far been the most labor-intensive - I used to hear people say what a nightmare the paperwork was for adoption, and for our first two I was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn't bad at all.  The difference this time is that 1) we are adopting from China and the requirements are much different, and 2) we are working with two agencies.

This is my trusty little file box :)  I got it for Matthew's adoption and have used it each time.  The boys keep sitting on it which drives me crazy!  Do they even know how many important things are in that box???!!!?  I must say, I've been pretty proud of myself for how organized I've been for this adoption. Half of me is really frustrated with the amount of work it takes...and half of me kind of loves it!  I feel so accomplished every time I send away some completed documents!

Sometimes it seems kind of unfair that we have to go through all this again.  To have your life examined by so many people, to have to prove that you are good parents and that you're ready for another child, sometimes it just seems so intrusive and unfair when there are so many bad parents out there getting pregnant every day!  But I understand that it has to be this way to protect children, so we grin and share our financial records and family history and views about this and that knowing full well that in the end, it is so worth it!

Now that I have my boys, I know there is nothing I wouldn't do to have them as my very own.  

One day I'll be looking back at this process, and I'll look over at sweet Hannah and know without a doubt that it was oh so worth it!  How I long for that day!

Thoughts About Food Allergies

A couple of weeks ago, a survey arrived at our house. It was from our Allergist's clinic and was a general survey about food allergies, how we deal with them, and how we feel about managing food allergies for one of our children. It got me thinking, so I wanted to just write down a few of these thoughts so that one day I can look back and remember.

Food allergies are strange. When he was first diagnosed, it was such a huge thing in our lives. I literally cried all the time about it. We had to completely rethink how we shopped, what we cooked, where we ate. It felt consuming. To know that something he ate could literally kill Matthew was absolutely terrifying. It felt like it would never be "normal".

But time went by, and soon it was normal. It was normal to read every label of every food, at the store, and again before we fed it to him. It became normal to carry an epi-pen around and to teach those closest to us how to use it. It became normal to think to myself every single time we walked into a restaurant, "Is this the time that we will have to call an ambulance?". Morbid, right? I am no longer held captive by the fear of it, but it is still always present in my mind.

It was strange to fill out the survey and think about how much food allergies impact our lives. There are only a few places we can safely go and eat. Our vacations are affected - we always look for "safe" places to eat and plan accordingly. We usually make sure we know where the nearest hospital is. It's not really a big deal anymore, but it does affect our lives.

Having a child without food allergies has really highlighted the differences. I can't believe how easy it is to take Nathan out! I can stop anywhere, we can eat anything, and I don't have to worry about it. It is hard to know what is the right thing to do when Nathan can have something and Matthew can't. It's not really fair to Nathan for him to not be able to eat things just because Matthew can't. But it's so hard, especially now that Matthew understands that he's having something different.

We walk a fine line trying to teach Matthew how important it is that he not eat food unless we give it to him or check it and not turning him into a crazy, freaked-out little boy :) We want him to be safe, but we try hard to make sure he knows that even though he can't have a lot of things, there are still a lot of good foods he can eat. We are very grateful to have found so many substitutes and recipes that are safe for him. For Easter I made homemade cream eggs and they were delish!

I know that more challenges are ahead, as we send Matthew off to school, and as he grows and realizes more and more what this means for him. I don't worry about those things too much anymore - God gives the grace for each situation as we get to it. I pray that he will outgrow some, if not all, of his allergies and not have to even deal with this in the future. He often says, when finding that he can't eat something, "Maybe when I'm bigger, Mom?".

"I hope so, Buddy!" is my reply.

I really, really hope so.

Look Who

Look who figured out

how to say, "Cheese"

AND

smile at the same time :)

Look who went to the doctor last week

and has to have his eye patched again

for several hours every day.

Look who is doing really well with it

now that he's bribed with chocolate

Look who always has food on his face

and his tongue sticking out.

Silly boy!

Look who loves his Daddy like crazy

and looks adorable in overalls!

Look who brings

major smiles to my face

each and every day

Except at bedtime.

But that is a whole different post :)

An "All Over the Place" Kind of Post

Yesterday we said good-bye to our trusty Malibu...

And said hello to our beautiful new (to us) minivan!

She definitely isn't new.

There are quite a lot of miles on this van.

But we think she's pretty fabulous!


I mean, doors that open by themselves?

A dvd player that magically stops all screaming children?

Seats that fold down, room for our huge stroller, the list just goes on and on.

Plus, we got a great deal which is always a good thing,

and is especially great when you're adopting.

Again.

Speaking of which, we are moving right along with the adoption!

Starting our home study next Tuesday,

almost halfway through the collection of our dossier documents.

Yes, good things are happening!

This is a totally random post.

Easter was wonderful!

The boys looked very dashing in their little suits.

Even if we did have a "black dress shoes" crisis

Just moments before leaving for church :)

Hence the sneakers!

We celebrated with family

and I found my heart was pierced in a way it never has been before

as I thought about the cross

and all that Christ has done for us.

Forgiveness.

Grace.

Hope.

The amazing truth that has changed my life inside and out.

It's not just for Easter.

Every day I find my need for God deepening.

I cannot do this without Him, and I don't want to try.

For the big things, and for the small day-to-day challenges,

His grace is sufficient.

We are still trying to get this little one well.

This was Matthew at 5am this morning.

So itchy he had woken up 5 or 6 times already.

Unbearable.

It is so hard to not be able to fix it for him.

But you know what he says to me every single time he is crying

about being hurt, or itchy, or sad, or sick?

"Shall we pray, Mama?"

He is teaching me to run to God with everything.

To trust that even if we are still in pain, God will help us, comfort us, love us.

He will make it better or give us the strength to endure.

My heart has been so heavy for so many we love

who are facing such trials right now.

People close to us who have lost loved ones this week.

My Dad having another surgery on his eye a few days ago.

Brad's Dad recovering from surgery.

There is much pain in this life,

but this is not the end.

There is hope in Christ,

and for those who trust in Him there is eternity with Him to look forward to,

with no more pain, no more tears, no more good-byes.

And the more I see of pain, and tears, and good-byes,

the more I realize what amazingly good news that is.

Yes, its something to smile about indeed!

Good Things Are Happening!

Despite the sickness that kept us stuck in the house for almost a week and a half, there have been some really good things going on around here.

The adoption: We are making progress! We are working away at gathering documents for our dossier and had several notarized this week. I love having a big checklist of thing to work on. I think the hardest part of adoption is just sitting and waiting....at least for now I have something to do! I am thinking of my girl so much every day. Another post on that soon!

The boys: This has been literally bringing me to tears this week. I don't know what has happened or changed, but it's like Matthew has finally accepted that Nathan is here to stay! He has been really sweet to Nathan this week, hugging and kissing him, speaking kindly to him (I must remind him to do that several hundred times a day it seems!) and playing nicely with him. It may not seem like a big deal, but honestly it is just such a huge answer to prayer and brings so much joy to my heart to see the love that is growing between them.

Nathan: Just when I think, "Wow, he is really settled in and doing so well!" he shocks me again - learning and growing in amazing ways, and acting even more at home than ever :) He has been very happy, waking up smiling and giggling, and talking up a storm! The speech therapist commented today that he has changed so much just in the last two weeks since she last saw him. He is starting to put two words together quite often. This week he said, "Yes, Dada", "Dada Truck", and "Bye-bye Daisie!" I am continually surprised by this little boy. Yesterday he sat for 40 straight minutes on the couch playing with cars. He was so happy and just kept arranging them in the box.






Notice how he turned them all facing the same way and lined them up all straight? So funny!

Matthew: This boy is growing up so fast. I almost can't stand it...and yet I love it at the same time! He is so much fun to talk with. He says the craziest things, and has such a hilarious personality. The other day he did a 35 piece puzzle by himself. I'm pretty sure that any day now he's going to be smarter than me.

Life with two toddlers is anything but dull! Today I walked in the living room and sighed.

Matthew looked up at me and with the most serious face you can imagine said,

"I needed to blow my nose."

Some days I just can't believe how blessed I am to be spending my days with these two little ones. It is hard, and most days when Brad gets home I head straight to the bathroom, kitchen or bedroom for just a moment of solitude :) But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!

The Ups and Downs of the Week

March has never been so warm and beautiful! We spent the early part of this week outside in shorts and t-shirts enjoying the sunshine.

Nathan had a blast playing with bubbles (thankfully my sister gave the boys an awesome bubble machine so I did not have to blow all of these bubbles!)

Matthew's new favorite game is "Hide and Seek". He counts to 10 at the tree, yells, "Here I come, ready or not!", and then runs around the yard looking for the "hider" - usually me or Brad since Nathan doesn't quite get it yet. I can see that next year the boys will have a lot of fun playing this together.





Nathan absolutely loves being outside. He would live in the backyard if I would let him. With no shoes on. He loves to run, loves being dirty, loves the sandbox, loves to swing...all of it! It is great for him to be able to run off some of his energy, too!

This week my parents bought a cottage less than 30 minutes from our house! I am so excited to see them more often and to have a place to "get away" to once in a while.

My Dad and Mom were here for a visit this week. It was good to spend some time with them. My Dad has been facing some real challenges lately having several surgeries on his eye, another one scheduled for this coming week, and it was so good to see him and get to spend some time together. It is hard seeing someone you love face difficulties. I am so thankful for my Dad's example of faith and trust in God no matter what lies ahead.


The week ended on kind of a down note. Poor little Nathan has been sick, the sickest he's been since he joined our family. It's nothing serious, just a fever and cough and total miserableness, but it's so hard to see him not feeling well. This little guy literally does not stop moving from the moment he wakes up till the moment he goes to sleep...unless he has a 103 degree fever :(

We are hoping that Matthew won't catch it (he's been well for over 3 weeks now - I can't believe it!!!!) but he has been showing signs that he's coming down with it, too (itchiness and red splotchy skin is his telltale sign).

For the moment, all is quiet, no one needs anything from me, and I am going to watch an episode of Downton Abbey (anyone else loving this???) and have a slice of warm bread fresh from the breadmaker. A good end to a long day!