A couple of weeks ago, a survey arrived at our house. It was from our Allergist's clinic and was a general survey about food allergies, how we deal with them, and how we feel about managing food allergies for one of our children. It got me thinking, so I wanted to just write down a few of these thoughts so that one day I can look back and remember.
Food allergies are strange. When he was first diagnosed, it was such a huge thing in our lives. I literally cried all the time about it. We had to completely rethink how we shopped, what we cooked, where we ate. It felt consuming. To know that something he ate could literally kill Matthew was absolutely terrifying. It felt like it would never be "normal".
But time went by, and soon it was normal. It was normal to read every label of every food, at the store, and again before we fed it to him. It became normal to carry an epi-pen around and to teach those closest to us how to use it. It became normal to think to myself every single time we walked into a restaurant, "Is this the time that we will have to call an ambulance?". Morbid, right? I am no longer held captive by the fear of it, but it is still always present in my mind.
It was strange to fill out the survey and think about how much food allergies impact our lives. There are only a few places we can safely go and eat. Our vacations are affected - we always look for "safe" places to eat and plan accordingly. We usually make sure we know where the nearest hospital is. It's not really a big deal anymore, but it does affect our lives.
Having a child without food allergies has really highlighted the differences. I can't believe how easy it is to take Nathan out! I can stop anywhere, we can eat anything, and I don't have to worry about it. It is hard to know what is the right thing to do when Nathan can have something and Matthew can't. It's not really fair to Nathan for him to not be able to eat things just because Matthew can't. But it's so hard, especially now that Matthew understands that he's having something different.
We walk a fine line trying to teach Matthew how important it is that he not eat food unless we give it to him or check it and not turning him into a crazy, freaked-out little boy :) We want him to be safe, but we try hard to make sure he knows that even though he can't have a lot of things, there are still a lot of good foods he can eat. We are very grateful to have found so many substitutes and recipes that are safe for him. For Easter I made homemade cream eggs and they were delish!
I know that more challenges are ahead, as we send Matthew off to school, and as he grows and realizes more and more what this means for him. I don't worry about those things too much anymore - God gives the grace for each situation as we get to it. I pray that he will outgrow some, if not all, of his allergies and not have to even deal with this in the future. He often says, when finding that he can't eat something, "Maybe when I'm bigger, Mom?".
"I hope so, Buddy!" is my reply.
I really, really hope so.
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