Feeling Full

Lately that is the word I would use to describe life:  full.

My heart is full, my days are full, it seems as though I couldn't imagine adding anything else in right now.

This is a new feeling for me.  When Matthew came home, I knew there was another little one waiting for me somewhere.  Within 6 months of him coming home, I was spending my evenings searching online looking for him.  I found him, by the way :)

When Nathan came home, I thought that was it (at least for a long while).  He had such a difficult adjustment and life was so difficult for months and months, and I resigned myself to the idea that maybe two was it for us.

And then all of a sudden, about 7 months after Nathan came home, I started to feel it again.  That pressing, unrelenting feeling that there was another child out there who was supposed to be in our family.  I really can't explain it except to say that I could not get it out of my head.  I could not pray it away, reason it away, or stop thinking about it.  Every night I was again online, searching for our child.

She found us, by the way!

I wondered when Hannah came home if I would still feel like this.  I wondered if I would struggle because really, we cannot adopt again right now.  Our house is full (and then some!!) and we are focused on finishing to pay off our debt (a goal we set before we started adopting!).  

Somewhere in the last 7 months though, I have settled into the idea that this is what God wants for our family for right now.  In many ways it is a relief to just be living this instead of waiting for the next big change.  Before, we would just start to enjoy things getting easier and then we would bring home a new little one and it would get hard again!  This time, it's just getting easier!  Do you know what happened last night???  I slept 8 straight hours!  And the crazy thing is, that is becoming more and more normal!  For a person who was being woken up 2-10 times a night for years (oh I wish that were an exaggeration) this is a big deal.  

I am certainly not saying "We're done!".  But I am saying, "I think we're done...for now."  I honestly believe that God could bring us another child tomorrow if He wants, and that would be okay (a shock, but okay).  I hope and pray He brings us more down the road.  We are so blessed and there are so many children waiting for families, it's hard to imagine not being a family to more.  I can't wait to see what the coming years hold for us!  It has been an adventure unlike anything I ever imagined.