It's only Monday, but it hasn't really been a great week so far. To be honest, I am a bit down tonight. I have not been feeling well for two weeks, and this morning went back to the doctor thinking I had strep throat. My head was pounding, my throat was so sore I could hardly swallow, and I really just wanted to crawl back into bed. After a negative strep test, the questions quickly turned back to mono...I felt my heart sink as the doctor suggested it may be back. I had some blood work done and should know in the morning if it's mono again/still or a sinus infection. I cried all the way home from the doctor.
It's not the end of the world. We will deal with it. It will be okay. But the thing is, I don't want to deal with it again. I don't want to feel crummy all the time and still have to take care of kids. I don't want my kids to have a mom who is just surviving each day. I don't want to be exhausted and emotional and unable to do the things I want to do. I am frustrated that this is coming at a difficult time - Matthew has surgery in the morning, and now I am feeling like this. Frustrating.
I am feeling okay about the surgery but nervous about the recovery. It is always hard to see your kids in pain and I know there is going to be some of that tomorrow.
Before Nathan came home when I found out I had mono, my response was really, "This is just another opportunity to trust God." I believed with all of my heart that He would see me through it. And He did, without question. It was hard, but He was always there.
Tonight I am finding it harder to choose that perspective. I want to whine, cry, say this isn't fair, pout some more, and then maybe have a pity party to end the night. But I know that isn't the way to respond. That doesn't help anything. What does help is to turn it over to Him, to choose to trust, to remember all the ways He faithfully helped me through it before, and to set my heart on knowing Him more. Peace comes when I am with Him and when I remember who He is. The stuff of this life is always changing; my God never changes.
So thankful for that tonight.
4 comments:
Ugh, I hope the mono isn't back.It's so hard to take care of kids when you feel miserable. Praying that God will help your physical needs and give you peace as well.
I hope you find out good results today. I had mono that wouldn't go away while I was in college. It was difficult, but add kids to the mix, and it becomes near impossible. As moms, we don't have the time to be sick because our lives revolve around our children. So when we are sick, it's takes a toll both physically and emotionally. Thinking of you, and praying for your boy's surgery.
I have just said a prayer for you for healing and for the mono not to be back. Also, prayed for Matthew's surgery.
I am in the midst of my first experience with being sick as a mom, and oh my it is awful. I just want to curl up on the couch and go to sleep. Hope you feel better soon!
Saying a prayer for healing for you!
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