There were times in recent months when I just wanted this year to be over. As far as I was concerned, 2011 was a bust. I thought that maybe if I could survive to the end of the year, somehow things would be miraculously better. I wanted to forget this year and wipe it from my memory. I didn’t want to think about it, and I didn’t want to remember.
2011 was a year of tears.
It was a year filled with happy tears as prayers were answered and a new little boy joined our family.
It was a year filled with tears of desperation, struggle, and sadness because life wasn’t working out exactly how I’d planned.
At times, it seemed like the difficult times outweighed the good ones, and this made me want to forget and put it all behind me. There were many times when I consciously chose to not take photographs because I didn’t want to have something to remind me.
But lately, I’ve been realizing something. Not only do I need to not forget this year, but I need to do the exact opposite – I need to remember.
I need to remember, not just the hard times, but what the Lord has done. All throughout Scripture, God says over and over to us…”remember…remember…remember…”, because He knows that we are prone to remember the hard times but not how He worked, or to remember the good outcome but not how we got there. I think He wants me to remember both. Remember how hard it was, and how He delivered me. Remember the tired, zombie-like state I lived in for months, and how He sustained me every single day. Remember the things I learned about myself and my need for Him. Remember the way He has knit my heart together with Nathan’s, and that it wasn’t always that way. Remember how He made us a family, and filled our home with joy and laughter and peace once again.
Remember.
So, that is what I will think of when I think back on 2011. I will remember all that the Lord has done for me, how He carried me and helped me and how He never failed me, not even once. I will go into 2012 not knowing what is ahead, but with more confidence than ever that He is with me and He is enough.
It’s been a really good year.
2 comments:
Such a great post - I have to say that I have really loved reading your blog, I love how you are so real and have a real steadfast faith in God. I have also been reading with extra interest as we will be adopting our second child (a 21 month old boy from China) this April. May God richly bless you and your lovely family in 2012. Thank you for how you have encouraged me through your posts.
Rachel, I have often had these exact same thoughts. It's really in retrospect that we truly grow, and grow closer to God. As we see his faithfulness, over and over and over! Look back, remember, and cherish what God is doing in your precious family!
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