December Smiles

So far, December has been a month of smiles! I've got to tell you, these two boys are pretty stinking hilarious. The things that come out of Matthew's mouth have me laughing so much throughout the day, and Nathan is just turning out to be so silly - I love it! My new favorite thing is the way he answers questions. He just figured out how to shake his head and say yes or no and he is now the most enthusiastic question-answerer you ever did see! I make up questions to ask him all day long just to see his response :)

I feel like we are all finally settling into life as a family of four in a really wonderful way. Matthew took the little brother thing so hard and it has been a difficult adjustment for him. My heart hurts when I remember how sad he was for the first few months that Nathan was home. But truly, to see him now, and to see them together...I know that giving him a brother was the right thing for him and we are beginning to see just how wonderful that sibling bond is.

And Nathan...oh, my Nathan. He has stolen my heart. I can't even tell you how much I love this little boy. I will admit, I did not have the instant connection with him that I had with Matthew, but this slow-growing love is so deep I know without a doubt that he is my son. In some ways, the challenges we faced in bonding make our love now that much sweeter. The other night, Brad was giving Matthew a bath and Nathan and I were just lying on the couch while he had his bottle. He laid down, and I laid down beside him, and we just looked at each other, face to face about an inch apart. He tapped his bottle on my glasses, and just erupted in laughter. He touched my face with his hand, and suddenly I was reminded of a moment just 6 short months ago. It was our first day home, and I was on my knees in the bathroom, sobbing and able to only utter two words - "God, help." Tears came to my eyes as I remembered that moment, and saw so clearly how far we have come. I could not even have imagined how good life would be and I did not know then how much I would love this little boy.

Believe it or not, the nights are still hard. The boys have been sick a lot (as in pretty much constantly since the beginning of October) and we continue to struggle with sleep issues. Here's the thing, though: SO WORTH IT! Every sleepless night, all the frustrations we have faced, all of the challenges, every single difficult moment has been worth it. We are so blessed to be able to care for and love these precious boys. They are such gifts and my heart cannot thank God enough for bringing them into our lives.