Life right now is one step at a time. It is learning to slow down and taking time to sit on the floor and play with my boys instead of doing dishes. It is taking things as they come and learning to muddle through.
Life is challenging. It is holding a baby who is still grieving and scared, and trying to remember this will not last forever. It is crying on the phone with the social worker and wondering if anything will ever be okay again. It is some very long nights with very little sleep, and some days that are rough from beginning to end. Thankfully, it is also some amazingly good days and even one night of ten straight hours of sleep. It is a baby who is increasingly easy to get to sleep and a baby who is relaxing and starting to trust us.
Life is surprising. It is filled with emotions like love and a desire to protect and a growing assurance that I am this little boy's mom. It is moments of pure joy when he sneaks up on my lap and offers kisses and hugs and smiles...just because. It is being stretched and growing in ways I did not anticipate. It is being caught by surprise to find myself dreaming of our next child and wondering what else God has in store for our family down the road.
Life right now is a new adventure. It is starting a journey with a child with hearing loss, it is meeting new friends and learning how to best help our son. It is appointments and tests and specialists and it is learning to trust God in a big way. It is dealing with special needs we were not aware of, and realizing that no matter what the future holds, we would pick this little boy a thousand times over. It is thanking God that fear did not get the best of us and keep us from bringing home our sweet boy.
Life is just blessings upon blessings. Though some moments are so difficult we wonder how we will make it through, it is these times that make the good times that much sweeter. We marvel at our boys and at the transformation that is happening as we become a family. It is hard work, but the reward is so worth it. Beautifully difficult. I read those words somewhere not long before Nathan came home, and something inside of me told me they would describe our journey to becoming a family of four. I think it just says it all.
Life right now?
I don't think it could get any better.
4 comments:
So well spoken Rachel. Thinking of you often!
You are amazing that is all I can say!!! Thinking of you!!!
I am so glad you're finding a good balance of the good and bad. This adjustment can be sooo rough, esp. when special needs are involved and ESPECIALLY when there are new needs you weren't aware of. I'm always happy to lend a listening ear if you want! :)
I love this post - such a beautiful celebration of life!
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