I don't know exactly where this post is going. I just have some thoughts that I wanted to share...we'll see how they come out I guess!
Before we adopted, I wondered a lot what it would be like to be a family with two races in it. I wondered what people would say, how we would be treated, what it would feel like to look different than our son. At the beginning of the adoption process, I worried about it. By the end of the process, I just wondered. I knew we would deal with things as they came up, and we would be okay.
In a sense, I think I had kind of "braced myself" to hear comments from people when Matthew first came home. We would go out to the store and I would just be looking at people, wondering what they were thinking about us, and waiting for them to say something to us about it. Part of me (maybe most of me) expected the comments to be rude, or insensitive, or...just something negative, I guess. Maybe I was a little jaded from reading all kinds of stories from people on adoption forums about all the rude things that had been said to them, and I expected the same.
But I was wrong about people. I have been shocked to discover that every single time we go out somewhere, we do get comments - but not the kind of comments I imagined. People stop me at the store, at the library, at restaurants, everywhere, to tell me what a beautiful baby I have! I mean, as if I didn't know! But really, people are kind and I have not had any negative comments or questions (yet). I did have a weird conversation recently at the grocery store, when a lady came up to tell me about a beautiful Hallmark movie that was on last night about some girls adopted from China....um, not sure what I should say to that, sorry!
I guess what I'm learning is that I can either approach our differences defensively, being ready to attack everyone who even makes a comment about our differences, or I can realize that most people (not all people, but most I think) are generally trying to be kind, or are curious about our family, and I have the opportunity to educate them about how wonderful adoption is. I do not want to be oversensitive. I was once a person who would look at families with two races, not because I was judging them or thinking badly of them, but because I was wondering what it would be like for our family. So when I see people looking at us...I try not to think the worst.
The hardest part for me in all of this is the fact that one day, Matthew will be aware of our differences, and aware of the fact that people may be looking at us because we are different. I notice that kids especially seem to look long and hard at him, and I wonder...what will he face when he goes to school? It brings tears to my eyes to even think about him being hurt or made fun of. I guess every parent feels that. I so badly want to shelter him from any of this, but I know that somewhere along the way, we will have to deal with negative or hurtful comments, and teach him how to deal with them as well.
I must say that I have been very much changed by the experience of having a child from another country join our family. As weird as this may sound, I love the fact that we are different! I love that our journey to become a family took a different twist than I expected. I love staring at Matthew's beautiful, almond-shaped eyes, running my fingers over his thick black hair, and thanking God for how marvelously this little boy is created. I wouldn't change him for the world!!!!
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