Growing Up

It is hard to believe that it has been 11 years since I finished high school.  When I was 18, I left for college, ready to take on the world.  As the old Dixie Chicks song goes, I needed "Wide Open Spaces," so I headed West to Colorado, wanting an adventure and excitement and a new life.  My future stretched out before me and I imagined so many possibilities of where I would go and what I would do.  That first year of Bible college was amazing, and it allowed me to really make my faith my own.  It is funny to look back on who I was then: in some ways so brave and adventurous, moving across the country all on my own, but in other ways just a scared, homesick girl wondering what in the world I was thinking and wishing I could just be back home again!

One of the hardest things about leaving was being away from my little sisters.  My youngest sister, Sarah, was just 7 years old when I left for college.  Look at that little cutie (and try to ignore the fact that at 18 I am wearing a Winnie-the-Pooh t-shirt) and you can imagine I didn't want to let her go.

Sarah will always be my little sister...even when she's all grown up.  And she'll always be a cutie :)  Last week, she was here to take the ACT at the nearby university she will be attending in the Fall.  Yep, my baby sister is now standing on the edge, ready to take that plunge into adulthood that is so wonderful, so scary, so exciting...

I cannot wait for the Fall, to have both of my sisters close by again.  The way it should be!

On the Run and Shopping Fun

Yesterday I finally sent in my entry for a 5k race that is this Friday. For some reason I have been having trouble committing to it. I think it's because I know I am not going to be able to do all that well in it. I'm trying to go into it with the attitude that I just want to run the whole thing. My sister, Joanna, kindly came with me last night for a 3 mile run (she rollerbladed, and Brad walked the dog).  It is so much better with company :)  I did another 3 miles today, so hopefully I'll be good to go by Friday.  I'm not into the training yet for the half marathon - that starts mid June - but I am in the pre-training phase and trying to get back into a regular routine of running. (Maybe my goal for this race should be to have a picture of me that looks like I'm actually running instead of leisurely walking...!)

After running, there are really only two things I feel like doing: eating, and shopping.  In that order.  So, after dinner Brad and I hit the stores in search of some special items.

When we receive our referral, we will be able to send a little care package to the foster family that is taking care of our child.  Now,  knowing myself as I do, I'm pretty sure that once that call comes in, my brain is going to turn to mush and I am not going to be able to think clearly at all.  Since I need something to occupy myself right now, we have been looking for items that we could send to our baby :)  One thing we have been looking EVERYWHERE for is a little baby photo book that we can put a few pictures of me and Brad and our families in.  We finally found the perfect one tonight at Toys R Us:

When we looked a little closer, we noticed that they even had the word "Photo" written in some kind of Chinese or Korean character (at least I hope that is what it says...!!!)

Someone had also suggested getting a blanket and sleeping with it for a few nights and then sending it so that your baby can get used to your smell.  We found this super cute blanket but don't worry, we won't start sleeping with it until we get the referral call - that might make it kind of stinky!

It's kind of funny - usually I am a very cheap, stick to the budget kind of person...but when it comes to baby stuff...uh oh is all I can say!!!

Thoughts About Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a special day:  Mother's Day.  I don't think I've written about it before, but this is a particularly hard day of the year for me...or at least it has been for the last few years.  As it approached this year, I tried to figure out how I felt about it, and to be honest, the only feeling I had about it was fear.  I have been scared about how I will feel.  

I remember Mother's Day three years ago, being full of hope, imagining that soon I would be a mom.  

I remember Mother's Day two years ago, when I knew that maybe that was not to be.  I remember an usher offering me one of the Mother's Day gifts at church, and when I told him I didn't need one, he replied with some off-hand comment, "What? Aren't you a mother yet?"  Of course, he could not know how deeply those words cut, and I hope he did not see my tears as I turned and fled.  

I remember Mother's Day last year...as I skipped church in order to avoid it altogether.

This year, the hope is back.  I know I am going to be a mom!  I just don't know when.  Every day I feel even more strongly a sense that God is at work, and that there is a purpose in all of this.  I know God understands the longings of my heart, and in His time He will bring us together with the child He has for us.  I believe that our little one has already been born, and I pray often for this precious child on the other side of the world.  I could not have known three years ago where this journey would lead, but now that we are almost there, I can say with certainty that I would not have it any other way.  The heartache has taught me to trust God.  The tears have driven me to Him.  And one day, I believe that it will all be even more clear as I look into some beautiful, dark eyes, and know that I had to wait for this child.  Worth the wait?  I'm pretty sure what my answer on that one will be!

So instead of wallowing this year, instead of comparing and wishing and grieving, I am thankful for all the difficult times the Lord has brought me through, and I am looking forward with great excitement to being a mom to a special little Korean baby!  

I know there are so many people struggling with infertility or the loss of a child who find Mother's Day especially painful, and I will be praying for them tomorrow.   I am looking forward to spending some time snuggling my adorable nieces and my teeny tiny nephew, and being thankful my mom and my mother-in-law.   

And I think, after writing all this, that I'm not so scared of Mother's Day after all!

Moving Up the List and Back on Track

Two things to tell you about today: adoption (surprise, surprise!) and running.

First of all, we went to a wonderful adoption meeting last night. It has been so great to connect with other families who are waiting, as well as families who have been through the process and now have their children home. It is good to be reminded that I will not be in the waiting forever!!! One day our little one will be home. And actually, after talking with some people last night, it is starting to sound like it may only be a few more months until we get to see the face of our child!!! The closer we get to that day, the sloooooowwwwwweeeeerrrr time seems to move. So unfair!

In the meantime, I am keeping busy with lots of good things. Now that the headaches are under control, I am back to running. It is hard not to be discouraged, because it is once again difficult and I have lost most of the fitness I seemed to have gained last fall (which wasn't much...but at least it was something!). I can now be seen plodding around the streets near my house, and though it may appear to most that I am out for a stroll, I am in fact, pretending to be a runner. I ran 3 miles yesterday, and 3 miles again today. I am planning to do 5k next Friday. Training starts next month for the half marathon. I am currently uncertain about how I feel about this :)

But on the bright side, it does give me something to think about other than the fact that I want my baby home NOW!!! :)

Weekend Recap

Wow! Now that I have recovered a little bit from yesterday's yard sale extravaganza, I thought I'd share a few pictures!

The fun really started on Friday. As soon as work was out, the sorting, pricing, and loading began! Thankfully, we had tackled a lot of the sorting and pricing earlier in the week. My sister, Joanna, and my mom-in-law, Lois, came over a few times to help with this massive job, along with my faithful friend, Kristy. I'm afraid I owe them all BIG TIME after this week!

My wonderful friends knew that I would need to have some fun in order to keep the stress-monster from taking over, so we headed out for dinner. Our dear friends Chad and Rachel went with us, even though Rachel was still recovering from the flu (she is covering her mouth so as not to spread all her germs to us!!!). After dinner, they helped us out so much by loading and letting us use their trailer. I cannot imagine how many trips it would have taken us if we'd only had our Malibu...

For weeks we had been praying for good weather for the day of the sale. God was so gracious to us and blessed us with a beautiful, sunny day! It had rained all week, but look at that sky! It was so amazing. We had the sale in the parking lot at our church, which turned out to be a good thing because we had a TON of stuff! People gave so generously and we ended up with way more than we ever thought we would have.

The day started out early - we were up by 5am and out the door by 5:30am. For those who know me...this was pretty much a miracle in itself :)

The sale was supposed to start at 8am, but people started coming at about 7:20am and even though we didn't have stuff all set out yet, they started shopping! We were amazingly busy all morning long, and once the stress of setting up was over, we pretty much just sat and took people's money. And drank mountain dew to stay awake!

It was a long day, an exhausting day, but a day that I will never forget. On the way home, I burst into tears as I reflected on God's goodness and the unbelievable friends and family that we have. It was humbling and truly the biggest blessing ever to be cared for and loved in this way. Saying "thank you" to these people seems so inadequate.

As Kristy, Brad, Chad and I sat around at our house after the sale counting the money, our mouths dropped open as we realized how much we had raised for the adoption. It was a shock, to say the least! Brad and I were blown away. We were talking today on the way to church about a time just over a year ago when we were sitting at our kitchen table, looking at the adoption fees, and looking at our budget, and wondering how in the world we would ever be able to pay them. It seemed impossible...but we know that with God, nothing is impossible! Our faith has been absolutely changed by this experience as we have seen time and time again that He has proven Himself faithful.

To anyone who reads this and was part of our sale in any way - if you donated items, or baked goodies, or came and bought stuff, or gave us a donation, or prayed for good weather, or encouraged us about the adoption...thank you. You are forever a part of our family's story, and I cannot wait to tell our child about all the people that helped us bring them home.

Yard Sale!

After one long, amazing, fun-filled, exhausting, overwhelming, yard sale filled day, I am very excited to say that we have raised $2,133.20 for our adoption!!!

And now I am going to bed :) More to come...