I was looking for new pictures to post, but here's the thing...I can't seem to remember to take pictures! A goal for tomorrow :)
I keep putting off posting because I'm scared it will just be a whiny, boring post about how we're still not sleeping and how crazy that is making me and how hard this is and blah blah blah. It's difficult because that's just what life is right now - lots of wonderful, good moments during the day that are overshadowed by this fog of sleeplessness that we are all existing in at the moment.
But I'll tell you this much: last week, I had the day. I had a breakthrough day that gave me hope. I had a day with the boys that was very normal, but yet so extraordinarily good that it made me see the beautiful plan of God in bringing us together as a family. I can't even put my finger on it, and it wasn't any one specific thing. It was laughing in the backyard as I chased the boys around until I couldn't run anymore (that didn't take long by the way!). It was pushing a giggling Nathan in the swing and kicking a ball high up in the air, much to Matthew's delight. It was singing songs and hugs and kisses and laughter and a feeling that we just belong together. Because we do :)
We are making more changes to this whole bedtime thing. Seriously, this is driving me insane. I am tired of thinking about it, tired of talking about it with Brad, tired of getting up 5-10 times a night, tired of lying in bed being unable to go to sleep because I know that any second one of them will wake up! Nathan figured out how to climb out of his crib, so although we had a good system in place that was starting to work, we have had to do something else. Enter the toddler bed. Yikes! I do not know how this is going to go. We have the boys back in the same room (why oh why did we not buy a three bedroom house???) and I am going to sleep in there on a futon for a while. If this doesn't work, I am out of ideas!!!!
I find myself flip-flopping between such utter gratitude to God for bringing us this precious little boy and wondering what in the world we were thinking. I am so glad I didn't know how hard this would be! I would have gotten more sleep had we not brought Nathan home, but oh what I would have missed! Someone please remind me of that at 3am, okay? :)
2 comments:
When I had to get up with crying or sick babies I always thought about the other moms across the world doing the exact same thing... and although it didn't make the sleeplessness any easier to bear, it did make me feel like I was part of something bigger than me... Praying for you and your little boys!!
Could it possibly be naptime causing the commotion? I know with my boys, we had to do earlier naps when they had a hard time sleeping at night. With my oldest (they are 14 months apart) we, sadly, had to do away with nap and magically sleep was better at night.
Please know, you are not alone. Little sleep for you makes the days long, I know. Sleep will come someday. Praying for you and your family!
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