The Boys

Here we are on day five with two children, and I have to say it is starting to go much better. I can hardly believe it's only been five days; trust me when I say it feels like much longer!

We had a really good day yesterday. I would have to say that Matthew is not really all that thrilled with being a big brother. He is not mean to Nathan, but I think he is annoyed with him a lot and kind of perturbed that he's still here. Nathan is walking, and he is a busy, busy kid! Brad and I are tired out trying to keep up with him! This is a big change to us after having a mellow, quiet, calm child :)

Yesterday, though, there was about an hour and a half where both of the boys were playing with toys (near each other, if not with each other) and I felt a sense of relief to know that it is possible for both of them to be occupied and happy at the same time! We were able to clean up the house, unpack from our trip, and take a deep breath.

We have been trying really hard to make sure Matthew gets lots of one-on-one time still. He is clinging to Daddy at the moment, so Brad has been spending lots of time with him reading books, playing with his trains, and taking him to the store. This seems to be really helping, and hopefully is making him feel secure in his place in our family. It is such a big change for all of us!

Nathan has been much more relaxed the last couple of days and we have seen lots of smiles. He finally started taking a bottle from us which is wonderful. He is just a little peanut and we want to get as much nutrition into him as possible! At first he wouldn't even take a bottle from us (he is used to 2-3 a day) and then after a couple of days he would only take it sitting up and not looking at us. Yesterday morning I got his bottle ready, and he leaned right back in my arms and looked into my eyes! It may not seem like a big thing, but that is a big deal to me :) I think he is starting to trust us a little bit which is wonderful to see. Obviously it's going to be a long process.

It is amazing to see my two boys together at last. It's strange, but it is just how I pictured it! I am not really bothered too much that they're not best buds yet. Knowing Matthew's personality, this is kind of what I expected and I think it's just going to take a while for him to warm up to the idea of having a brother. Hopefully by the time they're teenagers they'll be good friends!

They are both sleeping at the moment and the house is so quiet. It is wonderful to have a moment to sit and think! Having two is way more work than I thought it would be!!!! But it is good, too. The love I feel for Nathan is growing stronger every day and I know God is knitting our little family together.

One Day at a Time

Where to start...I have asked myself that a lot over the last few days. I may as well just be honest and say that this has not been easy. In fact, these last couple of days have been downright difficult. Many tears have been shed from all of us as we begin to adjust to being a family of four. In the midst of that, we have seen glimpses of hope and at times I even let myself believe that one day it will be okay again. That totally sounds overdramatic...but it is the truth of where we are at right now.

Things went very well until we got on the airplane. Nathan is 17 months old, so he knows that his life has been dramatically changed. He wasn't asked if he wanted to leave his home, his comfort, the woman he thought was his forever mommy. He was just taken from it one day and put in our arms. And let me tell you, that really ticked him off. Who can really blame him for being mad at the world right now? I know I can't. But that doesn't really make this any easier.

When we got home (after the longest day of my life), Nathan was totally overwhelmed. He ran around the house screaming (sometimes mad, sometimes with glee as he explored) and was just totally overstimulated. I wondered if that was just his personality, if that's what we needed to get used to, but after a couple of days with him I am pretty sure it was just the shock of everything he'd been through. He has settled down considerably, although he is still a busy little guy :)

We decided pretty quickly that we were just going to hunker down at home for a while, just the four of us, and let Nathan have time to adjust. He gets totally overwhelmed when even one other person is around. Our house is a total wreck, making sure everyone gets fed at every meal feels almost impossible, but we are just not worrying too much about stuff at the moment and we are just playing with the boys, holding them, taking them out in the yard, and trying to survive. Yesterday was a big improvement on Wednesday, and today was a little improvement on yesterday, so I'm hopeful that things are moving in the right direction, but man is this hard.

In the midst of the hard, though, there are many moments of good. We have seen a lot of smiles from Nathan and he seems to be relaxing a little bit. Today he didn't scream or cry when he woke up, which we thought was a good sign :) Can you imagine going to sleep and waking up in different places all the time for days? It must have been so scary for him.

One last thing - speaking of sleep, this kid ROCKS in the sleep department. Seriously, he is already adjusted to the time change (from our first night at the hotel) and has been going to bed between 8-9pm and sleeping until 8-10am, waking up once for about an hour in the middle of the night. I can't believe this and I am so thankful. Mono and no sleep do not go well together, so I am amazed that we are actually feeling pretty rested. In an exhausted sort of way.

So, enough blabbering. Here are a few pictures of our little cutie pie :) Please note the airplane picture - that one cracks me up because it is not a good representation of how the flight went!

This last one has to be my favorite one ever. I have spent so much time over the last several days just staring at this little boy as he sleeps, praying for him, growing in my love for him, and believing that one day I will know him and love him and not be able to imagine my life without him. We're getting there, one day at a time!

Meeting Nathan {A Few Pictures}

There are so many more, but these are a start!

{A special thank you to my friend, Kelly, who took these beautiful photos!}

Late Night Happenings

It's 1am here, and apparently it's snack time :)

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

In My Arms!!!!

He is in our arms at long last! What a day this has been. I only have my iPod so this will be brief with lots more to come tomorrow, but for now let me say he is happy, content, smiling, curious, and just amazing!!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The First Time that I Saw Him

Two years ago yesterday, an amazing, life-changing email appeared in my inbox.

Four waiting children, four sweet, beautiful babies appeared on my screen.

My heart jumped, time seemed to stand still, and I wondered to myself,

Could this be it?

Was I looking at my child?

Could it be possible that I was going to finally become a mama?

We had to wait a week to see if we were to be matched with one of these precious babies.

It was one of the longest weeks of our lives.

We prayed, and cried, and hoped, and tried to protect our very fragile hearts from being hurt by disappointment once again.

But this time, there was no disappointment! The answer was YES!

That beautiful baby in the striped pajamas, he was ours!

I was his mom and he was my baby!

It was a dream come true, an amazing gift, the beginning of a story so good I could not even have imagined it.

At the time, I looked at that picture and saw a cute, chubby baby.

Now, I look at that picture and I see my son.

Words fail me as I try to express how much a part of my heart this little boy has become.

If you would have told me then that in just two short years I would be blessed with not just one son, but with two sons, I don't know if I would have even believed you. To see all that God has done takes my breath away.

He is writing our story, and I have given up trying to figure out what it will look like, because His plans are just way better than anything I could think up :)

We love you, Matthew! Being your Mom and Dad is one of the biggest blessings of our lives!