A Sweet Little Boy a World Away

Tonight, my mind is a million miles away.

Well, maybe not that far....but almost.  My mind and my heart are dreaming of a little boy across the world.

It's been almost four months since I first saw Seth's face.  I've never held him, never kissed him, never touched his face, but already he is a part of me.  He has captured me in a way I have never experienced before and I long for the day when he is mine.

Adoption is scary.  It just is.  The unknowns, the questions, the uncertainty...it's easy to be afraid.  I have been afraid every single time.

Until this time.

This time, when looking at it logically, I should be most afraid.

People ask me - how will you care for a blind child?  Well....

Do you know anything about raising a blind child?  Nope...

Will he ever walk? I just don't know the answer to that...

There are a whole lot of unknowns!  There is so much to learn, I don't even know where to start.  I have no idea what it will be like.  My mind races wondering how many appointments we will have his first year home!  He is seven - so different from any adoption experience we have had so far.  He can't talk - how will we communicate?  So many unknowns.

And yet.

In all that, all the uncertainty about what lies ahead, I have never been more certain.

God has put in my heart a desire to love and fight for and care for this precious boy.  Whatever that means, however hard it is, no matter the cost.  It is unwavering and it is strong and I am not afraid.

Please do not for a moment let yourself think any sort of nonsense about how strong I am or how much faith I have or that I am anything special.  Sometimes people say things like that - "You are amazing!" or "I could never..."

And I chuckle, because I know the truth.

Oh, friends, we are so very ordinary!  We have struggles and we fail and this parenting thing is hard and a lot of days, we're not very good at it.  We are not strong and we don't know all the answers.  But the reason we could say "yes", the reason we can walk forward without fear is because of Who we know.  He has turned our, "We could never...." into "We could, if He wanted us to."  We have seen that this God we serve is mighty and bigger than we ever knew and He is able to do what we are not.

So that's why I'm not afraid.  I may have no clue how I will raise a blind child, but I am confident that I can learn and that the Lord will be with us every step of the day, every moment.  I know it might be really hard.  I know there are probably things ahead that will be beyond me - but they will not be beyond Him.  The One who goes before us, who leads us, He will help us.  He will not fail us.

That is why I am confident.  I know who He is.