Lame Blogger Award...

There's probably no one out there reading...well, maybe my mom :)  I know I totally get the "Lame Blogger Award" for my lack of posting.  I'm feeling the urge to write and document again so I may be back a little more often.  Life is so full that all my good intentions seemed to get swallowed up in...life!  I'm not going to lie, four littles keeps me pretty busy these days.  It has taken me quite a while to get adjusted to the pace of life and the whole not-having-a-free-moment thing but I am at last feeling like I have my head above water (some of the time) and I am finding some free time (here and there).  

I smile just looking at this picture - can't believe I get to be mom to all of them!  Super fun.  Super exhausting!  Wouldn't trade it for anything.

We have purposefully chosen to have a quieter life right now.  We did not sign up for any of the very good activities we wanted to do this fall (piano lessons, soccer, other things for the kids) and I feel so glad about that choice.  We have spent a ton of time walking in the woods, hanging out in the backyard, reading books...I feel like the days are busy but we have also carved out some much-needed down time with these activities.  There will be time for the other activities down the road, but for now we choose slow.

One of the bonuses (and the challenges) of choosing a slower pace is lots of time together.  Siblings are learning how to share, to think of each other, to play together.  It's good and it's hard.  One in particular has had a hard time with the transition of a new little sibling.  I think my least favorite part of parenting is dealing with sibling fighting (my mom is snickering now because she can totally relate thanks to me and my younger sister!).  

It really feels like Olivia has always been part of us.  When I see pictures of us with three kids now...it's strange!  She has fit so perfectly into our family and I'm amazed with her pretty much every day.

One of my favorite memories from the summer - looking out the kitchen window and seeing these four playing on the swing set.  I remember one day looking out and seeing Livvy chatting away to Matthew and it just struck me: "She is one of us.  She belongs."

There are moments of frustration dealing with sibling issues but there are also so many sweet moments.  I can't imagine these kiddos without each other!  Matthew particularly has a soft spot for Olivia.  He is so gentle with her and takes such good care of her.  The other day I looked outside and the kids were running around laughing.  Olivia tripped and fell, and as I watched all three of the other kids ran up to her, helped her up, asked her if she was okay, brushed her off and then ran off again together.  It brought a smile to my face to see the care they have for each other.

Some days I look at this little girl and feel as though I might burst.  I was pretty terrified of adding another one to the family.  I was scared about her medical needs, scared that she was 2.5 years old and terrified of strangers, scared about the workload.  But every single day I kiss those cheeks and see that smile and REJOICE that we said yes!  She is such a gift and I know just how blessed I am.

The "Back to School" Post

It has obviously been quite a while since my last post!  We have been busy enjoying the beautiful summer days and honestly they have just been flying by.  I can hardly believe it is the end of August already. 

We are a bit ahead with our school schedule this year and have already been back at it for over three weeks.  Why?  Mostly because...we can!  I love the flexibility of homeschooling and for us, it was time to start.  The kids were anxiously asking when we would be starting again, we have the time, and by starting earlier we are able to loosen up the schedule a little throughout the year so that when we have to miss school for appointments or sickness, it doesn't put us behind at all.

I was pretty nervous about how things would go this year with four at home, but after a few weeks we are finding our groove a little.  Some days are pretty overwhelming, some days are easy and laid back and we accomplish everything very quickly.  Some days I think, "Homeschooling = greatest thing ever!!!" and some days I think, "Is it too late to enroll them in school?".  The good outweighs the hard, though, and every time I question if we are doing the right thing, I look at our list of reasons for homeschooling and know this is just the right thing for our kids at this point in time.

The kiddos were so excited for their first day of school!

Little Miss Olivia is not doing any schoolwork, just lots of playing, potty training, snack eating and little activities to enjoy.

Hannah just turned four and is doing preschool at home this year.  She loves to be a big girl and wanted school work like her brothers, so she is working on a couple of beginning writing/coloring books, learning her letters, and counting.  She loves school and asks to do it as soon as we get up!

Nathan is such a hardworking, excited student!  He is a joy to teach with his willing and eager attitude.  He is 5 and started Kindergarten this year!  He has better handwriting than many of the fifth grade students I used to teach and absolutely loves to color and draw.  He is very creative and I can't wait to see him learn to read and write independently. 

Matthew is 6 and is in the First Grade this year.  He is an awesome reader already as that came very quickly and naturally to him last year.  He has already read a few chapter books and I am constantly finding him reading books about sharks, whales, and bugs.  He is very good at math, hates handwriting and coloring (but thankfully does it without a battle this year....so far!), and is a good speller.  He is a joy to teach!

We have joined a homeschool co-op that starts in a few weeks and I am very excited about this.  There are many families in the co-op and the boys will be in a K/1st class together on Wednesday mornings.  Hannah will be in a Preschool class and I will help in the nursery where Livvy will stay.  I think it will be great for all of us!

We're off to a good start and I can't wait to see what the rest of the year holds!

Smiley Girl

This little girl has been home with us for about 8 weeks now and the days are flying by!  She fits so perfectly in our family its amazing.  She is one of us, there is no doubt of that!  Her smile is contagious and her giggle is one of the best I've ever heard.  She is quick to smile and laugh but certainly knows how to let us know when she doesn't like something.  She is talking up a storm and we are amazed at the short sentences that are starting to come from her spontaneously - "Mama shoes on?" when she wanted me to go outside the other day, and "Hannah's drink" when she sees Hannah's cup.  I continue to be surprised by how easily she seems to have accepted us as her family.  She is such a joy to us and we are so glad she is here!

We received simply wonderful news this week about Olivia's health.  I believe I mentioned here that Livvy was diagnosed in China with a brain tumor.  We were told by a pediatric neurosurgeon this week that she does NOT have a brain tumor (which we already thought to be the case based on other opinions from radiologists and doctors who had looked at her scans).  It is wonderful to have her here with us, to see that she is okay and developing well, and to hear the great news that we do not have to have this concern in our minds anymore!  She has a small soft spot on the back of her head that may need surgery in the future, but for now she is doing great and will not need to see the neurosurgeon for 6 months!

One of the biggest challenges since we've been home is the relationship between these two girls.  They certainly started to bond in China, and that bond continues to grow, but since we have been home Hannah has struggled to accept her little sister.  They play together all the time, but unfortunately neither of them has the skills to get along well with another child at the moment :)  Basically that means that they fight all the livelong day and it's making me bonkers!  I know, imagine such cuteness making me bonkers?!?!

Sleep has been very difficult in the last few weeks especially.  Olivia is a champion sleeper (I am SO thankful for that!!!) and she sometimes wakes up once crying but is easily calmed down.  We pretty much just go in and she lies back down, we cover her up and kiss her and she goes back to sleep.  Amazing!  Hannah has had sleep issues for years and shows no sign of that letting up anytime soon!  Night terrors and anxiety seem to plague her at the moment and we just hope that she will outgrow this...soon....like, maybe this week?!  I have been so tired and find it hard to be a calm and patient mommy when I have been up a lot in the night.  

Summer is a lovely, slow time around here and we are enjoying days at the park or the zoo, swimming in our little backyard paddling pool, and playing for hours on end.  I am busy with school plans for the fall and looking forward to homeschooling Matthew (1st grade) and Nathan (Kindergarten) while trying to keep the girls occupied.  Some days I say "Bring it on!" and some days I want to hide under a blanket at the thought of it!  Raising four kids is one of the hardest things I've ever done but there's nothing I would rather be doing!

At Home With Four

It is hard to believe that over a month has passed since we first met Olivia in China!  We have been home with her for three weeks but it is already hard to remember what it was like here without her.  She fits in so well we can hardly believe it.  She fills in a space in our family in a way that just astounds me.  We are all so happy she is here!

Our little Livvy is a lovely little girl.  She has stolen my heart very quickly and I just adore her.  She is a sweet, loving, funny little girl.  She loves playing with her brothers and with Hannah.  They have all accepted her into our family and they all know she is one of us.  Hannah has only asked twice if Livvy can please go back to China :)  Most of the time she is thrilled to have a new little sister and playmate.  I can hardly believe it but having Livvy here has actually made life a little easier because now Hannah and Livvy play together (where before Hannah would follow me around a lot during the day).

I'm so relieved to be home and settling into life.  It feels wonderful to have the trip behind us and to know that things are going okay.

More to come...

The Soundtrack of My Life

I've been reflecting lately on the different seasons of life I have walked through over the last 15 years.  Times of joy, times of excitement, times of sorrow, times of grief, times of uncertainty...so many seasons.  When I look back on my life, I am often reminded of the songs that go with each season.  My life seems to have a soundtrack...songs that are connected with seasons.

A rough break-up....If You Want Me To (Ginny Owens)

Infertility...He's Always Been Faithful (Sara Groves), Yet I Will Praise (Vineyard), Praise You in the Storm (Casting Crowns)

Our first adoption journey...In the Waiting (FFH)

Home with Nathan...Worth it All (Rita Springer), So Far to Find You (Casting Crowns)

Waiting for Hannah...For a Thousand Years (Christina Perri)

Those are just a few that come to mind....there are so many more.  I have been reflecting a lot this week on the last year.  We made a choice last summer to bring home another little one, and it has changed me.  I have wrestled a lot over the last year with the "what if's" of Olivia's health.

What if there is more to her health condition than we know?

What if she really does have a brain tumor?

We said yes to bringing her home knowing this is a possibility.  We are not crazy, and we are not saints...we are simply trying to walk in obedience to God in this and we believe she is a treasure!  But I would be lying if I said I have not struggled a lot wondering what we will do or what it would do to our family...there were a couple of months where I laid awake at night unable to shut my mind off, and found myself waking up at 3am to stare at the wall for hours.

As the days went on, a new soundtrack started to play.

The Rock Won't Move (Vertical Church)

I Will Follow (Vertical Church)

None But Jesus (Hillsong)

Sovereign Over Us (Aaron Keyes)

Trust You, Jesus (Aaron Keyes)

Call on the Name (Vertical Church)

Cast My Cares (Tim Timmons)

These are the songs that play as I wash dishes and look out the window at my kiddos playing in the backyard.  They are the songs that play as I turn over in my mind the "what if's".  They are the songs that play as I chop vegetables and remember His faithfulness.

As the days went on, the new soundtrack impressed itself on my heart and the Word of God embedded itself deeply in my heart.  This is what I know:  Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. (Heb 13:8).  He won't change, no matter what comes in our lives.  I know who He is and I know He is enough.

I sleep well at night now.  These days, I drift off without worrying.  The anxiety is gone, the fear has lost its grip, and now all I think is how strange it is that I don't worry about it.  It's a pretty big thing...it would be normal to worry!  But I'm learning that I don't need to worry even about the things that seem like they need worrying about!

I am working on packing, and two weeks from today I will meet a little girl who will be my daughter forever.  I can't seem to wrap my head around that.  She is loved....but we are strangers to her.  Although I can't wait to meet her, my heart aches for what is ahead for her.  People think, "Oh, she's little, she'll get over it, she doesn't really know."  But I know better.  I have heard the cries of little ones who have lost everything, and my heart aches because I know how hard this will be for her.  Now my prayers turn from all my concerns and I pray for God to comfort and prepare and help our little one.  He is faithful...in all things He is faithful.

The Finish Line

We are so close!  The finish line is in sight and this week we will know the day when this sweet girl will be placed in our arms forever!

Earlier this week our paperwork was finished up and our agency let us know we were waiting for our travel approval.  They expected it would be 1-2 weeks (I have even see people wait 3 weeks recently) so you can imagine my shock on Friday morning at 6:30am when I checked my email (as every crazy adoptive mother does!) and found that we had received travel approval from China in just two days!  We can go and get our girl!!!

Tomorrow we should find out when our consulate appointment (CA) has been scheduled and then we can book our flights!  We hope to be leaving in just over two weeks but it may be three if the consulate appointments are booked.  We gave our top 5 dates for CA and will hear soon when our appointment is.  It will be so good just to know!

In other news...

Let's see.

Nope, this has been pretty consuming!

Well, I had an x-ray on Friday to check if I have a stress fracture in my left foot (last time was my right).  Sigh.  I have been having pain for months and finally got around to asking the doctor about it.  I'm so frustrated with not being able to run or walk even without pain.

Hannah is over the moon excited to be going with us to China.  We are....ahem...how shall we say a little nervous to be taking her with us!  We believe it is the best choice for our family but we know that does not mean it will be easy necessarily.  We are praying she does really well with all the traveling, being away from home, time changes, meeting a new sister....what an adventure this will be!

The boys are doing really well with the thought of us being away.  We talk about it a lot, they remember when we went to get Hannah, we all know we will be sad to be apart, but we also know it will be okay and in the end we'll be all back together again.  I'm so thankful that my parents are able to stay with the boys while we are gone.  I think they will have a blast!

Matthew lost his first tooth ever yesterday!  It was a very exciting time at our house :)  He is growing up so quickly.  

We have lots and lots to do but I feel surprisingly calm.  I am praying that I can be present with the kids these last few weeks even though there is so much to do.  Everything is about to change again and I treasure this time as we count down the days to adding another precious treasure to our family!