On the Road to Becoming a Family

When people ask how things are going, the answer really depends on what day they ask! We have had some really, really good days in the last week. We have also had some really, really hard days. I find my emotions to be all over the place at the moment. At times my heart is just singing and full of joy as I look at my boys. And at other times, I feel lost and overwhelmed and wonder how we are going to do this.

I know this is just all part of the process of becoming a family. We knew that bringing home Nathan when he was a bit older would be more challenging. The things that we are experiencing are normal and expected. But that doesn't make them any less hard.

He really is adjusting so well to life here, and I am so proud of him for the way he has bounced back already from such a huge change in his life. He is such a joy! He is showing already that he is beginning to bond with us, and it is so amazing to see how far he has come in just two weeks. We have had lots more smiles and giggles from him in the last few days, and the way he hugs so tight around my neck when I pick him up is pretty much the best thing ever.

I think the hardest part (for me) right now is that I am still not feeling well at all. I really would not suggest getting mono at the same time as bringing home a new 18-month-old!!! It has been very challenging, mentally and physically, for me to care for two little ones while feeling so sick. Brad has been amazing, but he had to go back to work two days ago. My sister has been helping me out every morning, and I don't know how I would have made it through the last few days without her. It is still hard, though, because in order to create a really secure bond with Nathan, Brad and I are the only ones caring for Nathan right now (as in holding him, feeding him, changing him etc.). We want him to know that we are the ones who will meet his needs; we are his Mommy and Daddy. So as much as people are helping us out, when it comes down to it I still have to take care of Nathan, and that has been hard.

Right now the boys are both napping in their bedroom. I am so thankful that Nathan will sleep in the crib during the day and that Matthew is napping well at the moment. Nighttime has been more difficult, and it seems that Nathan has a lot more anxiety in the night. Last night was rough as we were up for several hours with him. He is also getting 4 new teeth right now, which certainly doesn't help! I know that this will just be a process; it's just so hard that there is no manual, no real direction for how to handle this part of the adjustment, and we are just sort of making it up and trying to do our best. One day we will all sleep through the night in our own beds!!! It just might take a while.

I feel like we are definitely making progress, though. The other day at the store, I looked over at Brad pushing the two boys in the shopping cart, and I realized we really are a family. No matter what comes, no matter what challenges lie ahead, we will face it together and struggle through to the other side. The Lord brought us all together and we believe that He will not leave us now. I am so thankful for our little family and that Nathan is in our arms at last! We are very blessed.

Brothers

I think Matthew is finally figuring out

that having a little brother has its perks!

The Birthday Boy (Man)

A very special someone turned 32 today! As we celebrated Brad's birthday today, I spent a lot of time watching him when he didn't know I was looking, and thinking about the man that he is. Let me tell you a few things about him. With every year that goes by, I realize more and more what a rare thing it is to have a husband like Brad. He is a man of integrity and honesty, he cares for our family in so many ways, and he brings security and stability to our family.

The last two weeks have not been easy for our family - or for Brad. He has had to take care of so many things around the house because I have been feeling so crummy, and he has done it all without complaining. So many days, he has taken both the boys to the park or for a walk just so that I can rest. He has kept me laughing when I mostly want to be crying, and he has reassured me with his words and with his actions that we really will make it through this difficult time. He is a treasure (a manly treasure, I mean!) and I am so blessed to have him as my best friend and my husband.

I admire him for being the kind of father who really takes the time to teach and train his children. He doesn't just yell at them or get frustrated with them, he really gets down on the floor with them to talk to them and deal with misbehavior. He doesn't take the easy way out, and I see the way Matthew responds to him because of this. He is a really fun dad and our two boys so obviously adore their daddy!

I love this brave, caring, kind, funny, silly, wonderful man! I am so thankful to be walking through life with him by my side. Happy birthday, Brad!

{Just Pictures}

Bedtime Blessings

While there have been many challenges in the last few days as we've adjusted to life as a family of four, there has been one area that has gone so much better than we ever dreamed. We expected sleep to be a major issue for our little guy, but surprisingly this has been one of the easiest aspects of Nathan's homecoming. I hesitate to share about it because I know so many others have had such difficult times when they've brought home their children (and please know that we had a lot more trouble with Matthew - and still do!), but I wanted to share some of the positives and to show that not everything has been really difficult.

I am still shocked about this, but Nathan has been pretty much sleeping through the night since the first day we met him. This is incredible considering all he has been through and the fact that there is a 13 hour time difference between us and Korea! He is sometimes up once in the night but now we are only awake for a few minutes and don't even have to leave the bed to get him back to sleep.

It is kind of funny to me, but this adoption has shown me that I should never say never, because although I swore that I would never co-sleep (because I am such a lousy sleeper as it is), Nathan spends his nights comfortably nestled between me and Brad :) It was just so obvious to us from the very beginning that he needed to sleep with us. In Korea, he slept on a futon mattress on the floor with his foster mom. We could tell that he was confused and scared and sleeping with us just seemed like the natural and right thing for us to do.

For the first few nights when he would wake up crying, I would reach for him and he would climb right on top of me and fall back asleep. Then he started cuddling up to me or Brad; now he just sleeps between us. He seemed to need that reassurance that we were there with him and then he'd go back to sleep again.

And I have to say, when he is sleeping, I cannot stop staring at him! He has the most beautiful, softest skin ever. He has the sweetest little lips and is just so precious. I love the way he tucks up with his arms and legs under him!

We knew that we did not want to co-sleep forever (or even for that long if possible) but we want to make sure that Nathan is okay. We have been talking about trying the crib to see what happens but we didn't want to freak him out. Today Brad decided to give it a try (I love that man - he is always braver than I am!) and he took him in for his nap, put him in the crib, gave him his bottle, and laid down on an air mattress in the boys' room to see what would happen.

You know what happened?

Within minutes, he fell asleep! Without a single tear!

All our worrying for nothing! He was not at all bothered, took his nap in there and woke up happy. Crazy! I think we are going to keep putting him in the crib for naps and in a few nights hopefully he will be sleeping in there at nighttime too.

I am so thankful that he's a good sleeper. I am still feeling pretty bad from the mono and am having a hard time as it is - I can't imagine if he was up all night how I would manage. It is certainly such an answer to prayer and we are so grateful he's a good sleeper! Now maybe we can get him to teach Matthew how to sleep through the night...

Has It Really Only Been a Week?

Wonder of wonders - the two boys are both taking naps, Brad is sleeping too, and the house is so quiet I hardly know what to do with myself! It's a good problem to have :)

We have had a really good few days. I feel like every day is getting better and better, and although it's still exhausting, it's not overwhelming to the point where I feel like we won't be able to handle it. We are starting to take little trips out of the house which is good for all of our sanity.

This morning our social worker came for our first post-placement visit. We had a great time talking with her about Nathan and how his first week home has gone. It amazes me to look back to just a week ago and see how much progress he's made. It is already hard to remember life without him!

Here are a few pictures from the last week:

Our first family walk to the park

Our first meal at the table as a family of four

On Monday we had our roof redone (perfect timing, right?!?!)

The boys (all three of them) loved watching all the big trucks!

I couldn't believe it, but Nathan and Matthew both napped even

though there were 9 men pounding and sawing on the roof!

Daddy sure knows how to get Nathan laughing!

And of course we have to have some matching shirts :)

Our big trip for today is to go to the store to get some smaller shorts and pants for Nathan. He has a tiny little waist and no behind to hold up 12 months shorts! Time for a shopping trip! And maybe some more matching outfits :)