Weekend Catch Up

I am sitting in the backyard enjoying the silence as my two little guys are happily playing together in the sandbox. Apparently digging takes a lot of concentration!

 It has been a wonderful few days so I thought I'd share a few of the highlights.

Saturday was a great day.  I started out the day with a 5k race with two good friends.  My friend, Hayley, and I just started running together again after almost a year off (thank you, mono) and it is so good to be back at it.  The race went very well, I beat my personal best time by over a minute and a half and came in third in my age group (out of 9!).  I was so thrilled, I have never placed before except when there are three or less people in my age group :)

Saturday night we had a P-A-R-T-Y to celebrate this little guy!

Nathan's adoption was finalized in December, but with life being what it was at that time I just could not pull together a party.  Plus, our house is small and we wanted to have lots of people over!  We finally got to celebrate and we had a great time just being together with our family and friends who have supported us and loved us through everything this last year.

Funniest moment of the party: when Matthew went up to Brad and said, "Daddy, I'm having a little problem with my chocolate."  And Brad looked and saw it was everywhere!  Not sure how he got it behind his ear...

My parents are here this week and it is wonderful!

They are watching the boys tomorrow night and Brad and I are going to the cottage.  Alone.  Without children.  Our first getaway in almost three years.  I think I can hear the hallelujah chorus....

In China when a child is abandoned, they place what is called a "finding ad" in the newspaper.  I'm not sure what the purpose of this is...but anyway, we found a gentleman who finds these ads for adoptive families, and today I saw Hannah's for the first time.  It has a picture of her from when she is pretty little along with info about where and when she was found...she is so beautiful she takes my breath away.  We will be getting a copy of the original paper that her ad in the mail soon.  Such a sad and important and difficult piece of her history :(

Our home study should be finished this week or early next week...I am so eager for movement it is unbelievable.  But God is faithful and I see evidence every day of how He is preparing the boys and Brad and I for another little one to join our family.  We are in such a different place than even just a month ago, and there is so much peace in our home these days.  I'm thankful for a break from difficult, even if it's just a short one :)

These Summer Days

Sometimes I am astonished how good life is right now.  I wonder if I appreciate it even more because for so long, it wasn't.  Either way, it is pretty amazingly good.  Things have slowed down in a way because all of our scheduled activities (Mom's groups, playgroup, speech therapy...) have stopped for the summer.  But we still find lots to do to fill the days, often spending much of the day outside (well, except for this week which has been insanely hot!).

This weekend Brad and I were able to take an overnight trip with the boys to my parent's cottage.  We had only taken one other overnight trip with the boys, and it was a disaster, so I set my expectations low this time :)

I must admit I was pretty shocked with what a great time we had!  No meltdowns, good sleep at night, a nap during the day, happy boys, long walks...beautiful memories.

One of my favorite memories was taking the boys on their first boat ride.  I didn't take the camera with  us on the boat because, well, if you've ever met Nathan you know why :)  The boys absolutely loved the boat ride...Matthew was speechless (and if you know Matthew, you know how crazy this is!!!)

We snacked and played games and did nothing at all.  It was wonderful!

The boys had not been getting along very well last week but our little getaway seemed to really help their brotherly bond.  Things have really turned around and they are two peas in a pod this week :)

It's so funny how you never know what will make a kid laugh.  I started playing a game with Matthew where I would draw something on this board and say, "Matthew can you guess...." and he had to guess what I was drawing.  He would then show the picture to Brad and Nathan, who would pretend to scream in terror, and Matthew would just laugh and laugh until he couldn't breathe!  It was so funny.  Matthew and Nathan played it by themselves for quite a while as well!

I'm so thankful for this time with my family.  Everyone says these days pass by so quickly, and although there was a time not too long ago when I would have responded, "Not quickly enough!" I am now finding myself wanting to soak up every moment with my guys while they are so little. 

Life is good.  So, so good.

And What a Year It's Been!

One year ago today, Brad and I were nervously pacing around the Denver airport waiting for the newest member of our family to arrive (well, I was nervous, Brad was ridiculously calm as always!).  I knew our lives were about to change, but little did I know how much!

I remember the moment he was placed in my arms.  His eyes were empty, his body so limp that he could barely hold his own head up.  I was alarmed, wondering if we were going to be dealing with issues we were not prepared for.  Looking back, I can now see that he was just scared, overwhelmed, confused...it breaks my heart to see these pictures now because I realize just how hard that day was for him.

For months, we struggled with our new normal.  Nathan was a little hurricane (and an unhappy, clingy one at that!).  I would read other people's blogs about how their children became instantly best friends, and, well...we were living a different reality, that's for sure!  It was months before our lives settled down, before we started to see Nathan relax and feel safe.

It absolutely amazes me to see how far Nathan has come in the last year.  He has changed and grown so much.  He is confident, affectionate, and still very spunky :)  We love his hurricane quality now - he brings so much our family!  His speech has amazed us as well.  Yesterday the speech therapist visited and did an assessment to see where he is at.  There are 1-year milestones that she would hope for him to hit after one year of hearing (it has only been 9 months since he got his hearing aids).  He has met all of the one-year milestones and many of the two-year as well!  He jabbers along all day long, singing at the top of his lungs and spouting out two and three-word sentences all over the place.  This morning I got a, "Love you, Mama!" and it brought tears to my eyes.

The boys and I were looking at photos from last June this morning.  Right before we left to meet Nathan we took one last photo of the three of us.  When Matthew saw this he said, "Nathan's missing, Mom!"

It's strange to look at this photo of us without Nathan.  I can barely remember not having both of my two little guys with us!  I am so thankful to God for bringing us these two blessings.  Nathan has changed my life in so many ways and I am grateful beyond belief that I get to be his Mom!  Happy Family Day, Nathan!  We love you so much!

This Time Around

Sometimes I can hardly believe we are in the waiting for the third time in four years.  It blows my mind, honestly.  Those days of waiting, wondering, hoping, praying for a child are still so fresh in my mind.  And now my days are so filled with the giggles of little boys and cleaning up tiny socks and taking them potty again, but I never quite forget.  I just can't.  I can't forget what God has done or how far He has brought us.

And now this?  Another amazing blessing on the way?  Too good to be true.

I thought this one would be easier.  Truth be told, waiting for Nathan was a lot easier than waiting for Matthew.  I was busy with a little one, I was scared to death of what was ahead, and it was only 10 months start to finish.  So I assumed (wrongly) that it would be the same this time.

For a while, though, it was.  I was excited, of course, to be matched with our beautiful girl.  I knew without a doubt that God had brought her to us and that this was the path He had for us.  But it came at a time when life was still hard, really hard.  Every day found me just trying to keep my head above water.  Dealing with a toddler who was still grieving, potty training, Matthew's health issues, mono again...it was not an easy time and to be honest I was feeling pretty petrified about adopting again.  I felt like I couldn't say that because it seemed like people would just say the obvious: "Um, so why are you adopting again then?".  

Because we have to.  Because God said to.  Because she's mine and I can't explain it except to say that I trust that God has brought her to our family and He will take care of us.  I read something today that expressed exactly where I have been at for the last few months:

"If God tells you to do something, but you're too scared, just DO IT AFRAID!"

So I've been doing it afraid.  Every piece of paper we signed made my stomach lurch a bit.  Every delay was secretly okay, because really I have been in no hurry to jump into difficult days again.  I have moved forward, trusting that God will be what I need when the time comes.

Can I just tell you right now how faithful He is?  He is so patient with me.  These last few weeks have been an absolute dream come true.  The boys are sleeping, and happy...so, so happy.  Their brotherly bond is deepening every single day.  Life is dare I say it? Easy again.  We have Matthew figured out a little bit and he is like a new kid.  It is one of the biggest answers to prayer that I have ever experienced.  And through these last few weeks, God has been refreshing my soul, and healing some pretty sad places in my heart.  I wondered if life would ever get easier, or if this was it.  Surviving.  That sense like at any time I might go under.  Being exhausted, and desperate, and wondering how in the world I would have enough time, and energy, and love to care for another little one.

But God.

I am seeing the beauty of His plan now.  He is doing a new work in me.  My heart is just broken for Hannah, desperate to bring her home, eager to bring her home to her big brothers and to a Mama and Daddy who will just love her to pieces.  Thinking about her in an orphanage just hurts so much.  I pray every day that someone will hold her, smile at her, love her. I don't think it's going to be easy when she comes home, but the thing is I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel now!  I know we will make it.  

The Lord has been so good to us, blessing us with far more than we deserve.  I am so grateful, and my heart is aching tonight for a little girl halfway around the world.  I long to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her she was worth it all.  Please, Lord, don't let it be too long.

This Week's After Dinner Adventures

When we got home

I told Brad

that I was pretty sure

we tired out the wrong people!!!

Brain Dump

I'm feeling good.  Like, as in, really, really good.  Better than I've felt in months.  I even stayed awake during the boys' nap time today.  If only you knew what a big accomplishment that is :)

I've been running!  Not fast, or far, but running none the less.  Hoping to do a 5k in a few weeks!

I'm enjoying my boys so much right now.  They are such amazing little guys and we have such fun together.  I thought my heart might burst tonight when I tucked Matthew into bed and told him, as I often do, "I'm so glad you're mine!" and he hugged me super tight around my neck and whispered, "I'm glad you're mine, too, Mama."

Speaking of Matthew, he is doing SO much better!  Now that we know how to help him, life has gotten 1000% better.  I am so grateful and he is so happy!

I love warm weather.  Going for walks, lazy days at the park, planting flowers.  Good stuff.

I was going to write that adoption stuff has been stressing me out...but then I realized that it hasn't.  It has the potential to, for sure, but God has shown me over and over that He's got this, so I haven't really been too worried about it.  We have had such trouble getting our medical forms filled out correctly, with so many opportunities to learn more about being gracious :)  Tomorrow is supposed to be the day we pick them up and have them notarized (but then so were the other two times, so we'll see...).  Prayers are appreciated - I'm getting so antsy to have my girl home!

I get to go to Korea in a couple of months.  Holy smokes.  Sometimes I forget, and then I remember again, and my stomach flip flops in a funny way.  I can't even wait!

Brad is just the best.  I am so glad to know that I can always count on him to come to my rescue.  Today I backed out of the garage with the back hatch up, catching and bending the garage door...it wasn't long till Brad came home and saved the day, fixing everything in sight and doing it without once making me feel bad.  Love that man so much.

I've been eating so so so so many veggies and fruits.  I don't know what has gotten into me.  I know this plays a big part in why I'm feeling so good.  Along with the fact that I'm getting a ton more sleep. For the moment anyway.

Did I mention I feel good?  I just can't get over it....

That's all.  Brain empty!