Fall Photo Overload :)

So prepare yourself for an overload of cute kid photos :)  This is the best time of year and my favorite activity to enjoy with my family in the Fall is walking.  Its so simple,  I just love being outside, with no agenda, no phones, no noise (well, apart from the kids...that noise follows us everywhere!!).  We found a beautiful local park that someone had told us about that had these really cool bridges and lots of room to run and play.  It was perfect.

One Little Canvas {Hand-Stamped Necklaces}

I am so thrilled to be able to share my latest creations!

I have been wanting to learn how to hand-stamp jewelry for a long time

and I finally found the time!

Now that I'm getting the hang of it, I have to say

it is so much fun!

Here are a few necklaces that I added to my Etsy store today:

Each circular pendant is hand-stamped on shiny stainless steel

and comes with an 18 inch ball chain.

Cost is $18 (plus shipping)

New designs will be added soon!

Every purchase goes towards our adoption fund - 

click below to visit my store!

One Little Canvas

One Little Canvas {Update}

I have been so surprised by how much I've enjoyed creating some different and special order canvases for my Etsy store.  I think sometimes it is easy to get so focused on being a wife, mother, cook, cleaner and all that good stuff that my more creative side is left behind.  I have really loved having this chance to learn new things, take a chance, and create something!

A few recent creations:

I can't wait to share something else I have been working on.  I've been learning a new skill, working on a different sort of canvas entirely ;)  It's something I've wanted to do for a while and it has been so much fun branching out in this way.  New items will be added to the store soon!  Click below to visit the store!

One Little Canvas

Making Room

So we're not moving.  And we are adding another child.  Hmmmm.....

This information led to lots of discussion around our house!  We are very blessed with a finished basement with space in it.  We plan to put an additional bedroom and hopefully bath (or half bath) down there in the coming years.  But for right now, well....our kiddos are still little!  I don't want them down there without me at night, and I don't want to be down there with them upstairs.  We talked and prayed and then - A GREAT IDEA!

It was not actually our idea, it came from my brother-in-law.  I am SO glad he had this idea!

We had this weird open closet in the living room (because there used to be a third bedroom there before we moved in) and he suggested we close it up and open up the space on the other side of the wall - in the kids bedroom!  It wasn't a ton of extra space but it was just enough for us to be able to get another set of bunks in there!  This will hold us over as we work on getting another bedroom built in the basement.

In true Brad fashion, he got right to work!

This is the extra space that was opened up in the bedroom:

Hannah has been {still} struggling with sleep and we wondered if a bigger bed would help her.  We got another set of bunks and Brad had them put together in no time!  The kids were so very excited.  

I have to admit that seeing all these beds brought on a slight panic attack :)  Four kids is a LOT!  But three of the beds are already filled and we are surviving just fine, so I'm hopeful that adding one more won't do me in!

We are enjoying our house more than ever as we find more and more ways to make good use of the space we have.  We continue to purge and get rid of the ridiculous amount of stuff we have accumulated over the years.  There really just is no need for all the toys and clothes and stuff.  So off it goes!  It is freeing!  We can make this work...and on the bright side, maybe our kids will find camp and college easier because they are used to close quarters!

Still "In the Waiting"

When we began our first adoption, a song on the radio grabbed my attention and my heart.

I will worship in the waiting
I will walk with this sand beneath my feet
Though the winter wind is blowing
The ground is not frozen underneath
I will worship and not grow bitter
'Cause I know You see the end of it all
And with the spring will come the rain
And I'll see what was gained
In the waiting

FFH - In the Waiting

This became the prayer of my heart during that time - that I would cling to the Lord, worship Him and not grow bitter, and that one day I would see what was gained in the waiting.

Here we are, back in the waiting again.  We started this adoption in the summer, and life seems to be flying by at an incredible pace.  I know our sweet girl will be here before we know it!

I find my heart so much more at peace with this process now.  There are fears, for sure.  I wonder how I will handle four little ones (just like I wondered how I would handle three!!).  I wonder how Olivia's health will be and what is down the road for her.  I wonder how our kids will adapt to another little sister (especially Hannah).  But covering all those fears, and calming them when they become overwhelming, is a peace that God has got this.  He has brought this little girl to us, and us to her, and He will not abandon us if (when) it gets hard.  So I rest in that.

This weekend we finished a ton more paperwork.  Our dossier documents are almost complete!  Our home study paperwork is just about finished.  We have one visit with our case worker and then hopefully she can get our home study done.  I have struggled with the paperwork this time around, much more than the other times for some reason.  I think that it's just that life is so much busier and I have been so tired from a certain little someone keeping us up at night :)  But we are getting there and that makes my heart happy.

We were blessed with a video and new pictures of Olivia a few weeks ago.  After finishing up some paperwork on Friday night, I sat down and watched the video again.  It is such a gift!  To see her with her foster mother, to know that she is loved and cared for, to see a little glimpse into her life...it's just so precious to me.  She is absolutely adorable, seems a little spunky, understands so much, and is obviously attached to her foster mother.  I fear for her little heart and how difficult the grieving may be for her.  She will be 2.5 years old when we bring her home, and that is a year older than any of our other children at homecoming.  I wonder what will be different, what will be harder or easier.  It will be different.

I am so thankful that whatever lies ahead, we know that the Lord will walk with us and help us.  We will not do this alone.  He is so faithful to us!  And I can't wait to get our girlie home :)

I Can Smile at Babies Now

I sat down in the church pew, set my purse and Bible beside me, and glanced around.  The sanctuary was slowly filling up and soon the service would begin.  As the music began, a young couple slipped into the pew in front of me.  The woman carried a new-looking infant carrier in her hand and a diaper bag was slung over her shoulder.  Cradled carefully in the man's arms was a precious little baby.  The couple sat down and the man gently lifted his tiny daughter to his shoulder.  Her eyes met mine, and I felt a smile tugging at my lips.  This tiny little baby brought a smile to my face.

And then suddenly, I realized that I was smiling.  A lump rose in my throat as it occurred to me that I was smiling....at a baby.  That may sound like an odd statement, but to me this was an amazing thing.

You see, for many years, babies broke my heart.

I'm not sure exactly when it began, but somewhere along the way as we began our journey with infertility, tiny little babies became a deep source of pain for me.  Seeing them in church brought a feeling of dread.  Oh, no, not now....hold it together....don't start crying...can they tell?  Can everyone see how deeply this hurts?  I tried to escape every situation where a baby made an appearance.  I felt as though it must be so obvious to everyone.  Spending time with other women was often difficult.  It was almost unbearable to hear birth stories or joking about pregnancy symptoms.  It was a club I could not seem to join.

There was a time when a friend accidentally left a little baby sock at my house.  It has imprinted itself on my mind.  A tiny, meaningless thing but oh how I cried at the sight of that tiny sock.  I wondered if my house would ever have tiny socks, or any tiny baby feet to put them on.  It felt unattainable, a dream that would never be realized.

And then something amazing happened.  The dream was realized.  Not in the way I expected, not in the way I had first prayed, but in a truly amazing and life-changing way.  Through adoption, I became a mom.  Suddenly my house was filled with tiny little socks.  And to this day, almost every time I come across a single sock - in the laundry, in the bathroom, in the kids room...I remember.  I remember and I breathe out a soft thank you.

The wounds of infertility were slow to heal.  Having a baby in my arms did not magically erase the pain of not being able to get pregnant.  But day by day, God was showing me the beauty of the story He was writing for me.  It was far beyond anything I could have imagined.  Being a mom was what I wanted, more than anything else.  The joy of motherhood, having a little one to love and teach and cherish - and then two little ones, and then three - brought healing in ways I could not explain.  I found myself settling into this beautiful, crazy, unexpected life and most surprisingly I found myself desperately thanking God for saying no to all those prayers in the years before.

I cannot say it is completely gone, and it creeps up on me at the most unexpected times.  At baby showers, when everyone offers their best pregnancy advice, I feel that old familiar feeling coming over me.  I don't belong.  It is as though I have a sign on my forehead, or perhaps just a giant "I".  Infertile, unable to have a baby.  It is difficult to even write that, because it is such a strong feeling, and one that I have held so close to my heart.  That feeling that everybody knows that my heart is twisting, my stomach is lurching, and I am fighting to maintain control of the tears that threaten to spill over.  To this day, I struggle to be around tiny little babies and newborns.  There is a part of me that still hurts to know that I did not get to hold my babies when they were that age.  When friends have babies, I do not volunteer to hold them, because sometimes its still hard.  The emotions are sometimes complicated, and hard to put into words, and deep.

But it is getting so much easier.  The pain is gone, with only twinges reminding me of our journey through infertility.  I guess technically we are still in this journey of infertility, and yet, in my heart...this chapter is closed.  I have been blessed with a life that is so good that were I given the choice, I would choose it all over again.  I would walk through the pain, the uncertainty, the heartache, and I would choose this path to get to my children.

Because of that - because these children are my joy and because I have had a front-row seat to this miracle called adoption - I have been changed.  "You have turned my sorrow into joyful dancing." (Psalm 30:11)  He has been so good to us.  He has been so good to me.

I have seen the proof of His healing in my life, the miracle of wounds being bound up and repaired.

I can smile at babies now.